I have to laugh at people who are against spanking. My parents whipped my butt and I learned the switch dance. I didn't hate them. I didn't have trust issues with them because of it. I trusted I was in big trouble when I screwed up and did things my way! I didn't fear them. I feared getting caught doing wrong! But I sure respected them! I learned what my boundaries were and I knew what would happen if I crossed them. I wasn't abused, I was disciplined. This is why kids now-a-days have no respect for anyone.
I am 100% against physical discipline of children, period. I do not think it is appropriate to hit something that cannot hit back or defend itself. A child falls clearly into that category. I am not saying that spanking your kid should put you in jail for abuse, but I am saying there is a better way.
My husband and I often differ in our opinions on this. He is from a MUCH different generation than I (hello 22 years age gap) and we often debate the whole fear is respect thing. While we typically parent on the same page and neither of us will hit the kids, it is sometimes a challenge to think on what the best method of teaching a lesson is.
I never ever want my kids to mistake fearing me for having respect for me. Because it is a very different thing. Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Fear is also being afraid of someone or something that is likely dangerous, painful or threatening. I don't want my kid afraid of doing something wrong because of the punishment. I don't want them to be afraid to face me when I have to teach a lesson. Fear can become paralyzing and therefor the child will lose the ability to learn the lesson at hand. Next time around they are going to try to remember why they aren't supposed to(insert action here) and all they are going to remember is it caused them pain. Where is the lesson learned?
Respect is the sense of worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. It's a condition of being honored. A child being disciplined in a way they understand is more likely to remember that lesson. They are going to be willing to sit and listen to the reason why they shouldn't do X and then accept the appropriate punishment for it that doesn't involve a physical pain causing fear. Would you honor someone or hold them in esteem if they caused you pain?
Do you want your child making decisions from fear or respect for the lesson you taught? Do I want Aiden to look both ways before crossing the street because if he doesn't I will spank or because he understands he could get killed by a car? How about not talking to strangers? Throwing rocks? No I don't want my kid making decisions based on fear of causing him physical pain.
We are not born with adult tendencies. We are not born knowing how to self sooth or regulate. These are things that develop with time and coaching. We do not know all the rules or the consequences of doing wrong at birth. We must be taught. Children are born innocent and should not be subject to such harsh punishments during the long learning phase of childhood. They are doing more than just learning our rules, they are learning about themselves and what their place is in the world. They are testing boundaries to better understand the natural reactions of them in relation to this world. Because we are adults, it is simply our job to guide and teach with compassion and understanding of what they were not born with,
Children can be very frustrating, but so can adults. It is not appropriate to spank your office workers for returning late from lunch. What makes it appropriate to do the same to your child? Do not hit out of frustration because you think you know no other way to fix it. Your child also needs the time away from the stressful situation to deal with and comprehend what you need to teach.
Have more respect for yourself and your children. Violence is learned and won't always stop at spanking.
