The Joy of Family and What it is Teaching Me

I have a big over sized coffee mug of Rice Krispies with some sugar in front of me. At 30 weeks pregnant and not much of an appetite still, it's one of the few things that really tastes good. It's my lunch many days. There are pieces of taco shell smashed into the carpet from the table all the way up the stairs. Fiona and Phoebe half playing and half eating them before nap time. Which it appears Phoebe has gone down, but Fiona is still protesting some.  I am hoping she hasn't taken her diaper off and peed in the crib again as a form of protest. I am considering duct tape as a possible problem solver here. My kitchen floor is sticky where Phoebe was painting with her sippy cup, can't wait for new ones I know are coming for Christmas.

Many days I would imagine my life looks like a total disaster from the outside. Kids running and screaming. Getting into things and making messes bigger than life.  I probably seem overly permissive about it all. But really what's to be up tight about? I won't always have toddlers running a muck or an obnoxious 8 year old that likes to instigate things either. I will not always be this busy with them and I know someday I will have time for other things(like cleaning more). For now almost everything I do revolves around the care of my family, three kids, a husband and a pending birth. Many days caring for me comes sometime at the end of the evening or not at all. That's really ok. So many times they need me more than I need me and I am happy to be there.

My kids and husband teach me a lot. Sometimes I am a hard learner and I long for things to be simpler and to require less thought, but they are building me just as much as I am helping to build them. It's no easy task and I have days where I am dying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but my tunnel is still quite long!

My dear Aiden is teaching me to not look at and judge someone from where they come from. It's the hardest thing to do and so easy to just compare and look for solutions based on that. But I am learning to look past so much. He is teaching patience and to strive to understand things I normally would not bother with. He teaches me to try harder and to try gentler than I am used to. I have spent so much time beating myself up over Aiden and the things I should have done or could have done only to realize non of it matters. He has taught me to be a little easier on myself and give some grace when needed.

Fiona is a teacher of self control. As in the ONLY control one has is over themselves. You simply cannot control another human. She teaches me compromise. Fiona teaches me everyday to not sweat the small stuff. She has shown me not to cry over spilled milk or smashed in food.  Not to worry about wall coloring, whether it be crayons, marker or peanut butter.  It all washes off, sometimes with a little more elbow power than not. Fiona has made me ever thankful to the inventor of the vacuum cleaner.

Phoebe, while still small has a very powerful lesson she reminds of every single day. Many many times a day. No matter what you are doing you are never too busy to stop, reconnect and love the ones around you. Almost without fail every task I set upon she stops me to be held, hugged and kissed.  Sometimes its just moments before she is off to make a mess with Fiona. Other times it takes so long I forget what I was doing as I listen to her babble at me and rest her head on my shoulder. Ignoring her is not an option. Slow down mom, come back to earth is her message. Turn off your phone, your computer. Put down the laundry or dishes. It can wait. You are needed here and now. It's hard to not just ask for 5 more minutes or try to cut short the time she needs in favor of actually getting something done, but I am reminded that one day she won't be asking me for this extra attention and I will be looking for it. Relationships are most important. Phoebe already knows this.

My husband.  He has probably taught me more things in the 7 years I have known him than I can count. I always feel challenged by him in both positive and negative ways. But those challenges make me think and find better ways to respond. Much like Aiden, he forces me to stop and get onto a different level and think about the other side. Many times I do not enjoy it, but seeing it is helpful. I have learned that just because I take a higher road doesn't mean everyone is going to follow suite. I am learning when to keep quiet in matters that I feel strongly about because sometimes it benefits no one to speak up about it. There are many times that I find him to be the hardest part of my day, but despite that the frustration, it is not permanent and I have learned to forgive and not hold a grudge. He has shown me that no matter how old you are, there is no such thing as perfection and we are all going to fall short of someone else's expectations and there isn't any shame in that.

Marriage and family are hard work, but it's not without joy and happiness. I don't earn a paycheck, but what I do earn cannot be measured in monetary value. When naps don't happen or I have been pushed to my limits, I question what I am doing. I wonder what it would all be like if I hadn't signed up. Where would I be, what would I be offering this world? When I wake up rested I always remember those are such silly thoughts when my kids smile at me first thing in the morning.  When my husband gets home to change and kisses me. There really isn't anywhere else I would rather be, but managing all this craziness everyday.