It's December 13th and I still don't feel the Christmas Spirit. I thought by now I'd feel something, a little excitement or anticipation maybe? Nothing. We got the tree, decorated it and all. Aiden has been listening to Christmas music and telling me about how excited he is. Maybe the child in me has finally grown up and doesn't see the importance in a majorly marketed holiday such as Christmas.
"Its about giving, not receiving" they all say. Well why is it so important just once a year to give? Why are we giving crap made in China that's just going to collect some dust after a few uses? My house is packed with crap. I can understand and completely respect that people love to give at Christmas and it makes them feel good. Yes, it's one time a year we all remember to give something to the people we love and we should all feel good about that. It's the drive to feel obligated that jades me. If I don't go shopping to provide people with stuff, will they think less of me? Will they wonder what they did wrong? Does it even matter if I shop for anyone?
I'd rather spend my time and a little of my money enjoying a big cooked meal with people I care about, who aren't going to stress me out. Maybe this whole thing stems from the fact that for 3 holiday seasons I have felt free of holiday obligation because I have been over 400 miles from home and it was all wonderfully stress free. In all honesty there is only ONE part of my family that I even want to entertain the thought of being with on Christmas and that's my dad and his wife. There is just no pressure or stress there, yet I am already trying to con myself out of 2 other visits cause I just don't want to deal with it. It's too much.
This year I already feel like my family has everything it needs or wants. We are all fabulously healthy. We had an amazing birth this year after two heart jerking losses and we do not have to endure another deployment. We are pretty complete. We are not left wanting for anything this year. For me, that's Christmas enough.
I am sending cards, I want people to know I am thinking of them and hoping their family and lives are as complete as mine. I probably won't be baking this year. I don't really have the time or energy for it and honestly I don't think anyone really needs to add more crap to their system than is already going to be there. I have a special handmade gift planned for family members and that's about it.
In a world losing its compassion for each other, a world of increasing consumerism and greed and a world divided on everything including the meaning of Christmas, I just can't feel happy about the holiday in general. I feel happy about my family's accomplishments this year and being closer to people who I am thankful for. Christmas will come and I will be thankful my son has a sparkle in his eye over his new treasures, even if I don't pack the tree with useless stuff. I will think back to my childhood and remember the anticipation of waiting for the day to come and be happy that we have it together enough to provide the kids with a worry free holiday. I will be happy my husband is home again this season and not thousands of miles away in a war zone eating a holiday meal in a chow hall.
I wish everyone a stress free December and please don't go broke over expectations. The only thing anyone should expect from you is your love and support of them and that's all you should expect in return.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Your Kids Need to Talk Back, and You Should Respect That
Talking back, we did it as kids. Our kids are doing it to us. How were you handled? How do you deal with talking back in your home? I think the way our parents dealt with it and the way we choose to deal with it will have a direct effect on the way our children interact with us as adults. We all want kids that grow into confident adults that are not afraid to speak their peace when they do or don't agree with something, right? We want them to protect themselves against negative comments and to stand up for others when their voice cannot be heard. What of that meant standing up to you? Protecting their interests from your thoughts and opinions? What about protecting themselves from other people in the family or even standing up for a family members choices? Can you accept that someday your child may need this skill, that someday they may need to put you in your place because your ideas are different?
I don't think any of us wants to think a day will come that we will be told by our own that we are wrong, that we have hurt their feelings or what we taught them as a child doesn't have a positive effect on their now adult life. Talk about a blow to the ego! But we plan to spend the next 18 or so years as their providers, protectors and teachers. So the least we can do is give them the skill to stand up to us, their biggest critic, their heroes and their superiors. And because we are the adults, we should be proud of them for speaking their minds and protecting their interests and well being, even if its protecting them from us.
I think many of us feel torn between being good and kind to our parents and taking crap from them that we would not accept from other people versus just telling them how it is. How many times have you felt like just telling a family member how it is, but didn't because you were afraid of backlash or punishment? Maybe you have even felt your values become compromised because you feel like you can't say anything. Lets not set our kids up for this kind of frustration.
Let your kids question you. Let your kids suggest something different. Let them express their anger or sadness with you. There is nothing wrong with taking 5 more minutes to explain your decision to a child who is not on the same level as you. There is nothing wrong with listening to a suggestion and if warranted worked into a new solution. It's ok for your kid to cry or be mad because something isn't going their way, don't get mad because they are a kid and should understand.
Accept anything you can within reason. Just as we would not expect an adult to voice their opinion in a violent or disrespectful way, its fine to teach our kids there are right ways and wrong ways to protest, but protest is acceptable. If you can provide your kids a safe and respectful way to communicate what they don't agree with now, they will be better able to do the same as adults and you will be better prepared to respect that from them. Safe, effective communication cannot happen when one party fears the other.
Now off the soapbox,
I bring this up because as an adult this is an issue I have struggled with. I speak with people EVERYDAY that cannot stand up for themselves against family or cannot protect those not present to hear. I think its a tragedy really. I don't ever want to be the person that hurts my children at any age, but I don't want to be the person that doesn't know because my kids were too afraid to tell me because of the way I raised them.
Teach your kids how to communicate with adults now so they won't feel like children forever around you.
I don't think any of us wants to think a day will come that we will be told by our own that we are wrong, that we have hurt their feelings or what we taught them as a child doesn't have a positive effect on their now adult life. Talk about a blow to the ego! But we plan to spend the next 18 or so years as their providers, protectors and teachers. So the least we can do is give them the skill to stand up to us, their biggest critic, their heroes and their superiors. And because we are the adults, we should be proud of them for speaking their minds and protecting their interests and well being, even if its protecting them from us.
I think many of us feel torn between being good and kind to our parents and taking crap from them that we would not accept from other people versus just telling them how it is. How many times have you felt like just telling a family member how it is, but didn't because you were afraid of backlash or punishment? Maybe you have even felt your values become compromised because you feel like you can't say anything. Lets not set our kids up for this kind of frustration.
Let your kids question you. Let your kids suggest something different. Let them express their anger or sadness with you. There is nothing wrong with taking 5 more minutes to explain your decision to a child who is not on the same level as you. There is nothing wrong with listening to a suggestion and if warranted worked into a new solution. It's ok for your kid to cry or be mad because something isn't going their way, don't get mad because they are a kid and should understand.
Accept anything you can within reason. Just as we would not expect an adult to voice their opinion in a violent or disrespectful way, its fine to teach our kids there are right ways and wrong ways to protest, but protest is acceptable. If you can provide your kids a safe and respectful way to communicate what they don't agree with now, they will be better able to do the same as adults and you will be better prepared to respect that from them. Safe, effective communication cannot happen when one party fears the other.
Now off the soapbox,
I bring this up because as an adult this is an issue I have struggled with. I speak with people EVERYDAY that cannot stand up for themselves against family or cannot protect those not present to hear. I think its a tragedy really. I don't ever want to be the person that hurts my children at any age, but I don't want to be the person that doesn't know because my kids were too afraid to tell me because of the way I raised them.
Teach your kids how to communicate with adults now so they won't feel like children forever around you.
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