I'm Just Not Feeling it This Year...

It's December 13th and I still don't feel the Christmas Spirit.  I thought by now I'd feel something, a little excitement or anticipation maybe? Nothing.  We got the tree, decorated it and all.  Aiden has been listening to Christmas music and telling me about how excited he is. Maybe the child in me has finally grown up and doesn't see the importance in a majorly marketed holiday such as Christmas.

"Its about giving, not receiving" they all say.  Well why is it so important just once a year to give?  Why are we giving crap made in China that's just going to collect some dust after a few uses? My house is packed with crap.  I can understand and completely respect that people love to give at Christmas and it makes them feel good.  Yes, it's one time a year we all remember to give something to the people we love and we should all feel good about that. It's the drive to feel obligated that jades me. If I don't go shopping to provide people with stuff, will they think less of me?  Will they wonder what they did wrong? Does it even matter if I shop for anyone?

I'd rather spend my time and a little of my money enjoying a big cooked meal with people I care about, who aren't going to stress me out. Maybe this whole thing stems from the fact that for 3 holiday seasons I have felt free of holiday obligation because I have been over 400 miles from home and it was all wonderfully stress free.  In all honesty there is only ONE part of my family that I even want to entertain the thought of being with on Christmas and that's my dad and his wife.  There is just no pressure or stress there, yet I am already trying to con myself out of 2 other visits cause I just don't want to deal with it.  It's too much.

This year I already feel like my family has everything it needs or wants.  We are all fabulously healthy. We had an amazing birth this year after two heart jerking losses and we do not have to endure another deployment.  We are pretty complete. We are not left wanting for anything this year.  For me, that's Christmas enough.

I am sending cards, I want people to know I am thinking of them and hoping their family and lives are as complete as mine.  I probably won't be baking this year.  I don't really have the time or energy for it and honestly I don't think anyone really needs to add more crap to their system than is already going to be there.  I have a special handmade gift planned for family members and that's about it.

In a world losing its compassion for each other, a world of increasing consumerism and greed and a world divided on everything including the meaning of Christmas, I just can't feel happy about the holiday in general.  I feel happy about my family's accomplishments this year and being closer to people who I am thankful for.  Christmas will come and I will be thankful my son has a sparkle in his eye over his new treasures, even if I don't pack the tree with useless stuff.  I will think back to my childhood and remember the anticipation of waiting for the day to come and be happy that we have it together enough to provide the kids with a worry free holiday.  I will be happy my husband is home again this season and not thousands of miles away in a war zone eating a holiday meal in a chow hall.

I wish everyone a stress free December and please don't go broke over expectations.  The only thing anyone should expect from you is your love and support of them and that's all you should expect in return.