I've started this blog a few times and every time it comes off as explaining something so that I don't feel guilty and irresponsible. That is a very irritating thing. I should not have such feelings of guilt or irresponsibility over anything in my life if I haven't done something wrong. I certainly owe no one a long drawn out explanation of the facts in order to show that what occurred wasn't a purposeful event or even accidentle due to my irresponsibility. Then I just sit here typing and wondering if I even need to say anything all because is it really anyone's business?
But how much of what I am feeling is a heart issue? My heart issue? I've been asking myself over and over again if it is an issue and why do I make myself feel this way? Why do I feel so judged? Why do I just prepare to hear ignorant comments? Maybe it's just the personal experiences I have had. Maybe it's the empathy I have deeply felt for others when they have experienced shaming and guilt tripping from others that are supposed to be close to them. It's the one subject I am most sensitive to and I take so very personal.
"You have HOW many?!"
"You know how that happens, right?l
"What were you thinking?"
"Are you getting fixed after this one?"
"Is he getting fixed after this one?"
"Are you done yet?"
"Why would you do that to yourself?l
"You are totally insane."
"How do you plan to feed them all?"
"Are you done trying for another boy?"
"Are you planning on using birth control this time?"
"Isn't it about time you guys had another one?"
That's really just a small fraction of the things that have been said to me. Some of it malicious, some of it out of straight up stupidity. I don't really feel that the state of my uterus, my Fallopian tubes or my ovaries are anyone's business nor the condition of my husband's vas deferens. I've never held the belief that I am required to make a formal announcement about our future plans and family growth, although a small selective group of people are aware of this. But the stupid and hurtful things I've experienced and watched others experience is dumbfounding.
With that said, I've had the very unfortunate experience of birth control failure that resulted in a miscarriage I didn't know I was having until I discovered the tiny being one evening after bleeding for 12 days. A positive confirmed it the next day and a negative a week later. Seven pregnancies and four live births is what I get to report at the doctors office when I go to discuss failed methods.
So I don't owe anyone an explanation in order to look responsible. I don't need to feel guilty about pregnancy inside my marriage and I certainly don't need to give a darn about what people think of my family choices. I'm just here in disbelief and frustration over it. Not really sure if there will be any need for emotional healing like I needed with the last two I was aware of.
So at the end of this I'm just pissed off when I think about what I would have heard and dealt with if this had been a viable pregnancy.
Showing posts with label Personal Opinions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal Opinions. Show all posts
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Friday, May 20, 2016
Forgetting Social Beauty Standards
I will be 33 this year. I am finally 100% comfortable in my own skin. I sincerely don't care what anyone may or may not think of me unless they are my husband. He's the only earthly person I live to keep happy and satisfied. I am quite happy and satisfied in this.
He is a simple person and likes things just simple. I enjoy not having to worry about the expectation of high maintenance that I probably could never live up to, nor do I desire it. I don't do make-up and fancy clothing. I haven't brushed my hair in two and a half years and I cannot even remember the last time I plucked or waxed my eye brows.
I am also a mother to 4 kids who will learn beauty standards for women from me first hand. One young man that may very well seek women similar to me and 3 girls looking up to and mimicking what I am. That's a huge responsibility and I have thought long and hard on it. So I want to share a story of my own coming into the reality of social beauty standards.
When I was a young 4th grader I longed to shave. Man I hated the dark hair on my legs! My mom had one of those fancy Gillette razors always in view and fun shaving gel. She had long, smooth legs and I wanted them too. But at age 9 she really didn't think I was ready for such responsibility and nor should I have been at such a young age. I came home devastated from school one day because my friend (who later gave me lice and then stopped talking to me)said something to me about how hairy my legs were. She was a dark hair and skinned Filipino girl who had no body hair at all. I came home crying to my mom about it and she and my dad caved and let me start shaving, in the 4th grade! And so started my journey navigating social beauty standards. I was reminded all the time to shave by my mom and help me if I forgot and had any stubble. It became a big deal in my life. Not long after I plunged forward into maturity and also had to start shaving my under arms, one more thing I was always checked for and reminded of.
I have spent years on the hunt for body hair. For a long time I was also shaving my arms because I felt they too were too hairy for a woman and was embarrassed by the hair. It was terrible. I stopped shaving my arms a number of years ago and have no idea why I started, they aren't as bad as I seem to recall.
As most women I have kept up with the constant hair removal because it was an expectation set forth way back by Harper's Bazaar Magazine when they got in bed with Gillette to convince the women of America they needed to remove all their hair to be seen in more revealing clothing. (seriously Google it) I struggled through pregnancies to stay hair free, through postpartum and into new born baby days trying to keep it. It was exhausting.
Then something happened. One time while pregnant with Penny I shaved and got the worst rash of my life. It scabbed over on my leg and underarms. Bled and burned. I chalked it up to a bad razor and let it heal. All while feeling embarrassed and in pain. I got new razors and tried again and AGAIN I got a horrible, bleeding rash. Could not believe it. It was fall going into winter so I thought hey no worries I can take a break, no one will see. I checked over and over with SKip about it and he INSISTED it didn't matter to him. So I stopped until after Penny was born. The very first time I shaved after, the rash was back. I couldn't believe it. I was forced at this time to really think about shaving and how important it was. I discovered, its not. So I quit. Totally. No more shaving for me. The first summer after she was born I spent a lot of time worrying someone would stare or say something. I got back to the gym and worried that someone would notice my underarm hair and be revolted. But nothing ever happened. No one ever stared, never made a face, never said anything.
So I really got to thinking about the beauty example I may be setting for my girls, for my son. I don't want any of them ever thinking hair removal is a must to be attractive. It really should be an option we make based on our own likes and dislikes and not what someone else may say or think. If its something they want to try, go for it. I wont be looking at their legs and under arms every day telling them to keep up with it. I'd like my son to be ok with a partner they may opt out and not put that kind of pressure on her.
Its been at least a year since I last tried to shave. I can tell you my skin is still very sensitive, so I am pretty sure I can expect the same issue. That's ok with me because I don't even have the desire to try anyways. With 4 kids and a husband I don't have the time to worry about such things much less spend the time doing them.
Take 30 days off and see how you feel.
He is a simple person and likes things just simple. I enjoy not having to worry about the expectation of high maintenance that I probably could never live up to, nor do I desire it. I don't do make-up and fancy clothing. I haven't brushed my hair in two and a half years and I cannot even remember the last time I plucked or waxed my eye brows.
I am also a mother to 4 kids who will learn beauty standards for women from me first hand. One young man that may very well seek women similar to me and 3 girls looking up to and mimicking what I am. That's a huge responsibility and I have thought long and hard on it. So I want to share a story of my own coming into the reality of social beauty standards.
When I was a young 4th grader I longed to shave. Man I hated the dark hair on my legs! My mom had one of those fancy Gillette razors always in view and fun shaving gel. She had long, smooth legs and I wanted them too. But at age 9 she really didn't think I was ready for such responsibility and nor should I have been at such a young age. I came home devastated from school one day because my friend (who later gave me lice and then stopped talking to me)said something to me about how hairy my legs were. She was a dark hair and skinned Filipino girl who had no body hair at all. I came home crying to my mom about it and she and my dad caved and let me start shaving, in the 4th grade! And so started my journey navigating social beauty standards. I was reminded all the time to shave by my mom and help me if I forgot and had any stubble. It became a big deal in my life. Not long after I plunged forward into maturity and also had to start shaving my under arms, one more thing I was always checked for and reminded of.
I have spent years on the hunt for body hair. For a long time I was also shaving my arms because I felt they too were too hairy for a woman and was embarrassed by the hair. It was terrible. I stopped shaving my arms a number of years ago and have no idea why I started, they aren't as bad as I seem to recall.
As most women I have kept up with the constant hair removal because it was an expectation set forth way back by Harper's Bazaar Magazine when they got in bed with Gillette to convince the women of America they needed to remove all their hair to be seen in more revealing clothing. (seriously Google it) I struggled through pregnancies to stay hair free, through postpartum and into new born baby days trying to keep it. It was exhausting.
Then something happened. One time while pregnant with Penny I shaved and got the worst rash of my life. It scabbed over on my leg and underarms. Bled and burned. I chalked it up to a bad razor and let it heal. All while feeling embarrassed and in pain. I got new razors and tried again and AGAIN I got a horrible, bleeding rash. Could not believe it. It was fall going into winter so I thought hey no worries I can take a break, no one will see. I checked over and over with SKip about it and he INSISTED it didn't matter to him. So I stopped until after Penny was born. The very first time I shaved after, the rash was back. I couldn't believe it. I was forced at this time to really think about shaving and how important it was. I discovered, its not. So I quit. Totally. No more shaving for me. The first summer after she was born I spent a lot of time worrying someone would stare or say something. I got back to the gym and worried that someone would notice my underarm hair and be revolted. But nothing ever happened. No one ever stared, never made a face, never said anything.
So I really got to thinking about the beauty example I may be setting for my girls, for my son. I don't want any of them ever thinking hair removal is a must to be attractive. It really should be an option we make based on our own likes and dislikes and not what someone else may say or think. If its something they want to try, go for it. I wont be looking at their legs and under arms every day telling them to keep up with it. I'd like my son to be ok with a partner they may opt out and not put that kind of pressure on her.
Its been at least a year since I last tried to shave. I can tell you my skin is still very sensitive, so I am pretty sure I can expect the same issue. That's ok with me because I don't even have the desire to try anyways. With 4 kids and a husband I don't have the time to worry about such things much less spend the time doing them.
Take 30 days off and see how you feel.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
You're Gonna Miss This
Trace Atkins has a song called,"Your gonna miss this." It follows the life of a woman from high school longing to be done, to a newlywed ready for a house and babies to mother with screaming kids and barking dog.
You're gonna miss this. I hate those words. I really do. They annoy the living crap out of me. There is a lot in life that will be missed as little people grow and new phases of life are entered. However it never fails that the words you're gonna miss this are always uttered in time of chaos and total stress. Like somehow that makes it all better, like you are going to look back fondly on wanting to consume large amounts of alcohol and ripping your hair out.
Seriously I will NOT miss:
sleep deprivation
toddler tantrums
breastfeeding
my insanely messy house
the 4 o'clock melt downs
how long it takes to load small kids in the car
bedtime
diapers
the constant state of stress
bodily fluids that aren't mine
random screaming
flying food
No, I wont miss any of that craziness. I will miss watching them grow, watching them change. I will miss the way they explore and learn, their changing faces. I will miss their smallness and my ability to scoop them up in big hugs. I will miss the innocence.
So please, next time you are about to tell a stressed and struggling parent how much they are gonna miss this crazy state of stress, stop and come up with something else like,"Hang on, its not going to last forever."
You're gonna miss this. I hate those words. I really do. They annoy the living crap out of me. There is a lot in life that will be missed as little people grow and new phases of life are entered. However it never fails that the words you're gonna miss this are always uttered in time of chaos and total stress. Like somehow that makes it all better, like you are going to look back fondly on wanting to consume large amounts of alcohol and ripping your hair out.
Seriously I will NOT miss:
sleep deprivation
toddler tantrums
breastfeeding
my insanely messy house
the 4 o'clock melt downs
how long it takes to load small kids in the car
bedtime
diapers
the constant state of stress
bodily fluids that aren't mine
random screaming
flying food
No, I wont miss any of that craziness. I will miss watching them grow, watching them change. I will miss the way they explore and learn, their changing faces. I will miss their smallness and my ability to scoop them up in big hugs. I will miss the innocence.
So please, next time you are about to tell a stressed and struggling parent how much they are gonna miss this crazy state of stress, stop and come up with something else like,"Hang on, its not going to last forever."
Thursday, November 13, 2014
The Life of the Mother
I wrote about my outrage and Colorado's current abortion laws just before the election in my last post. I promised a couple of follow up topics that typically stem from the abortion debate and I think they both deserve some light and knowledge shed on the facts. I don't believe the abortion debate should be held by anyone who doesn't have basic knowledge of pregnancy biology as well as some facts about the topic of discussion. It's hard to walk away from presented facts, you can argue them all day long against anything you like, but at the end of the day a fact remains a fact. Secondly, while I whole heartedly respect and understand the argument against abortion for religious/spiritual means, I do not believe this alone is going to win the hearts and minds of people. After all, I can murder my neighbor, go to prison and find God and be absolved of what I have done in his eyes and still see myself go to a peaceful afterlife.
Sadly the majority of people I have had a debate on abortion with simply do not know facts. biology or numbers. This goes for both sides, those trying to save babies and those trying to dehumanize them. If you have a stance on something and want to change the minds of others you need to be able to present facts in an emotionally stable way. End of story. You aren't changing anyone's mind otherwise.
Election season is a season of fear mongering and smut throwing and no topic sees it as intensely as the subject of women's reproduction rights, with abortion and birth control being at the top. The two biggest topics to abortion are: the life of the mother and rape/incest. We hear messages about not being able to terminate if we are going to die or if we are raped by strangers or by family. Bombarded by messages of having our lives ruined by these two situations. "If candidate so-and-so has his way you will die from a pregnancy that was conceived by being raped by your brother". Yea, lets talk about that.
So today I am going to talk about the medical side of needing to terminate pregnancy. Yes it does exist, but not in a way the pro-abortionist would make you believe. There are a number of conditions in which pregnancy could be said to not be compatible with the life of the mother. This is a medical indication, not often a voluntary choice.
Ectopic pregnancy AKA tubal pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants anywhere other than the uterus. Most often the Fallopian tube where fertilization takes place. About 1 in 50 pregnancies are believed to be ectopic. It is important to know that these pregnancies are not considered viable because typically there is not enough blood flow to support a developing baby. 50% of these pregnancies will absolve themselves through miscarriage. The rest will typically be treated with a cancer drug called Methotrexate. It stops the development of the embryo and the body will typically pass it on its own. If a tube has already ruptured, surgery will be necessary to prevent the mother from bleeding to death.
Pre-eclampsia, eclampsia, HELLP syndrome are all conditions that can kill the mother. They cause sky rocketing blood pressure, seizures, liver failure and renal failure. These conditions occur after 20 weeks of pregnancy and the only way to stop progression is delivery of the baby. These conditions can kill a mother if left untreated. They do not abort for this condition, they deliver.
Cancer in pregnancy occurs 1 in every 1000 pregnancies. While the cancer typically doesn't effect the growing baby, clearly going without treatment can kill the mother. This is not a condition directly related to pregnancy. The decision to terminate during pregnancy to treat the mother is going to depend upon the type of cancer and the treatment required as well as whether or not she would live without the treatment to endure pregnancy. I think this type of termination is medically indicated and not a choice when it comes down to a women leaving her spouse and family. This would be something clearly done before viability, much like ectopic pregnancy. Keep in mind there are many stories of women who do choose to sacrifice their lives to carry their baby to term and this is truly a conversation to be had with family and doctors, It leaves a family without a mother.
Chronic conditions such as blood disorders, severe epilepsy, previous organ transplant etc could very much indicate the inability to be compatible with pregnancy. However women with these conditions are typically told such and take measures such as birth control or sterilization to prevent pregnancy. In the event a woman should become pregnant after taking precautions to prevent it and her chronic illness is not compatible with pregnancy it typically becomes a medical emergency and steps are taken to save her life. Again this is not an example of elective abortion.
In most cases a women's life becomes at risk due to pregnancy complications that occur after a baby can be delivered and have a good chance at life. When it comes to medical termination it isn't fair to say its a "choice". Often it is not and these procedures are done in a hospital as medically indicated. There is no where in this county where the doctors may legally put the life of an unborn child ahead of its very ill mother. Her life will always be preserved in the event of a life threatening emergency regardless of abortion laws.
This is not a topic that pro-abortionists need to debate. The chances of a woman dying in this country from not terminating when medically indicated is minute. You can find stories of women dying in other countries because they were denied what they call medically necessary abortions, but read further and you will discover other conditions that caused the death that more than likely would have killed her regardless.
So that's my stand on Life of the Mother abortions. Its not nearly as prevalent as organizations such as Planned Parenthood would have you believe and in this country women don't die from being denied a medically indicated termination. They die from many other things, that's a whole new topic!
I want to add as a disclaimer that I searched and searched for percentages for each of these topics and all of them are lumped into terminations involving fetal defects. So there appears to not be a set % of pregnancies terminated for actual medical reasons. Clearly not as large an epidemic as they would have you think.
Sadly the majority of people I have had a debate on abortion with simply do not know facts. biology or numbers. This goes for both sides, those trying to save babies and those trying to dehumanize them. If you have a stance on something and want to change the minds of others you need to be able to present facts in an emotionally stable way. End of story. You aren't changing anyone's mind otherwise.
Election season is a season of fear mongering and smut throwing and no topic sees it as intensely as the subject of women's reproduction rights, with abortion and birth control being at the top. The two biggest topics to abortion are: the life of the mother and rape/incest. We hear messages about not being able to terminate if we are going to die or if we are raped by strangers or by family. Bombarded by messages of having our lives ruined by these two situations. "If candidate so-and-so has his way you will die from a pregnancy that was conceived by being raped by your brother". Yea, lets talk about that.
So today I am going to talk about the medical side of needing to terminate pregnancy. Yes it does exist, but not in a way the pro-abortionist would make you believe. There are a number of conditions in which pregnancy could be said to not be compatible with the life of the mother. This is a medical indication, not often a voluntary choice.
Ectopic pregnancy AKA tubal pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants anywhere other than the uterus. Most often the Fallopian tube where fertilization takes place. About 1 in 50 pregnancies are believed to be ectopic. It is important to know that these pregnancies are not considered viable because typically there is not enough blood flow to support a developing baby. 50% of these pregnancies will absolve themselves through miscarriage. The rest will typically be treated with a cancer drug called Methotrexate. It stops the development of the embryo and the body will typically pass it on its own. If a tube has already ruptured, surgery will be necessary to prevent the mother from bleeding to death.
Pre-eclampsia, eclampsia, HELLP syndrome are all conditions that can kill the mother. They cause sky rocketing blood pressure, seizures, liver failure and renal failure. These conditions occur after 20 weeks of pregnancy and the only way to stop progression is delivery of the baby. These conditions can kill a mother if left untreated. They do not abort for this condition, they deliver.
Cancer in pregnancy occurs 1 in every 1000 pregnancies. While the cancer typically doesn't effect the growing baby, clearly going without treatment can kill the mother. This is not a condition directly related to pregnancy. The decision to terminate during pregnancy to treat the mother is going to depend upon the type of cancer and the treatment required as well as whether or not she would live without the treatment to endure pregnancy. I think this type of termination is medically indicated and not a choice when it comes down to a women leaving her spouse and family. This would be something clearly done before viability, much like ectopic pregnancy. Keep in mind there are many stories of women who do choose to sacrifice their lives to carry their baby to term and this is truly a conversation to be had with family and doctors, It leaves a family without a mother.
Chronic conditions such as blood disorders, severe epilepsy, previous organ transplant etc could very much indicate the inability to be compatible with pregnancy. However women with these conditions are typically told such and take measures such as birth control or sterilization to prevent pregnancy. In the event a woman should become pregnant after taking precautions to prevent it and her chronic illness is not compatible with pregnancy it typically becomes a medical emergency and steps are taken to save her life. Again this is not an example of elective abortion.
In most cases a women's life becomes at risk due to pregnancy complications that occur after a baby can be delivered and have a good chance at life. When it comes to medical termination it isn't fair to say its a "choice". Often it is not and these procedures are done in a hospital as medically indicated. There is no where in this county where the doctors may legally put the life of an unborn child ahead of its very ill mother. Her life will always be preserved in the event of a life threatening emergency regardless of abortion laws.
This is not a topic that pro-abortionists need to debate. The chances of a woman dying in this country from not terminating when medically indicated is minute. You can find stories of women dying in other countries because they were denied what they call medically necessary abortions, but read further and you will discover other conditions that caused the death that more than likely would have killed her regardless.
So that's my stand on Life of the Mother abortions. Its not nearly as prevalent as organizations such as Planned Parenthood would have you believe and in this country women don't die from being denied a medically indicated termination. They die from many other things, that's a whole new topic!
I want to add as a disclaimer that I searched and searched for percentages for each of these topics and all of them are lumped into terminations involving fetal defects. So there appears to not be a set % of pregnancies terminated for actual medical reasons. Clearly not as large an epidemic as they would have you think.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Its Still Legal, Are You Outraged?
Its election time. The radio, the television and even the online adds are dominated by political adds. Many being candidates slamming the other for their hate of women and the right to do as they will with their bodies and that of their babies fetuses. It's getting old, really fast. Planned Parenthood has their cronies standing around encouraging people's votes, the few times I have been witness to it they have been gay men in pink shirts lobbying for "women's rights". It's really pretty sickening and discouraging to see. I see it as a destruction of womanly power. Telling women they can't be mothers, they can't make selfless choices through adoption.
I've got a bit of a series planned for this topic. Discussing abortion laws, abortion in rape and incest cases and abortion VS the life of the mother topic. But I want to talk about a bit about my pregnancy today, the biological factors and why abortion should be seen as ending life from scientific point of view as I think the majority of society gets bombarded by why G-d says you shouldn't.
As of this writing I am not quite 25 weeks pregnant. The approximate head to toe length is 12 inches and weight is somewhere near 1.5lbs. At this point if I were to go into labor and deliver my baby would have a 50% survival rate. In three more weeks that survival rate increases to more than 90%.
(source Dailymail.co.uk)
The baby featured is a little girl named Skyler. She was born in the UK at 25 weeks gestation. You can click the photo source to read the story. I wanted you to see what a 25 week oldbaby fetus looks like before going on. Go ahead take her all in. She's beautiful and alive.
In the state of Colorado at this very point in my pregnancy(almost 25 weeks) I can call the abortion clinic in Denver and have an outpatient abortion with no waiting period.
I will repeat that, the state of Colorado says is legal for me to abort mybaby fetus until I am 26 weeks pregnant. With no medical condition, without claiming rape or incest. I can do it just because I want to. Even better is I don't have to have my husband's consent to do so.
Colorado will even issue a death certificate to babies born after 20 weeks that showed "signs of life" such as: heartbeat and voluntary muscle movement with or without the placenta still attached via umbilical cord. And furthermore a certificate can be filed for parents wishing it before 20 weeks.
To preform a late term abortion in most cases a procedure called Dilation and evacuation( D&E) is preformed. It takes a couple of days to dilate the cervix enough to get the tools used up there. Thebaby fetus will be killed and chopped into pieces for removal.
From Wikipedia:
Pieces removed. Yea, can you imagine little 25 week old Skyler up there removed from her mother's body in pieces? Sounds a lot like the steps a serial murderer would go through.
Do you still view it as my bodily right to do so? Is it not killing? Is it still just a "lump of tissue and cells"? Do you find aborting a baby that can live acceptable? Is it still a woman's "choice" to do this?
I've talked before about prenatal appointments that check for life and what vitals are checked that clarify life. We argue that just because something hasn't taken its first breath must mean it has no right to life. Even with a heartbeat and functioning organs. Even though the first thing that is often checked when a pregnancy is discovered are signs of life such as growth and heartbeats.
I've seen vets refuse to spay a pregnant dog because it would be "killing the puppies". I've seen people outraged over the thought of spaying a female dog because "its not the puppies' fault". Seriously folks, its no question a pregnant animal has life in her, but a woman and we question it.
Its simple biology folks, a heart is beating by the time that pee stick confirms your suspicion. Its growing and developing and becoming a fully functional person. There is no rocket science behind it, it doesn't take decades of studying fetal development to know its alive. It's not a benign tumor in there. Its not some lump of cells that just grows without a map or reason causing destruction and death.
I've got a week and a half to make up my mind in Colorado about the life of mybaby fetus.
If you are on the side of pro-choice please do women a favor, pick up a book that describes pregnancy week by week such as "Your Pregnancy Week By Week" or even the book "From Conception to Birth" by Alexander Tsiaras, a beautifully composed book that shows photos at every stage and text of development. I have both of these books if you want to look.
The same goes for pro-lifers. You cannot be effective if you don't know pregnancy inside and out. You need to be prepared to provide knowledge, education and resources.
Make sure what you are promoting you are doing so with an educated opinion. It is ignorant otherwise.
I've got a bit of a series planned for this topic. Discussing abortion laws, abortion in rape and incest cases and abortion VS the life of the mother topic. But I want to talk about a bit about my pregnancy today, the biological factors and why abortion should be seen as ending life from scientific point of view as I think the majority of society gets bombarded by why G-d says you shouldn't.
As of this writing I am not quite 25 weeks pregnant. The approximate head to toe length is 12 inches and weight is somewhere near 1.5lbs. At this point if I were to go into labor and deliver my baby would have a 50% survival rate. In three more weeks that survival rate increases to more than 90%.
The baby featured is a little girl named Skyler. She was born in the UK at 25 weeks gestation. You can click the photo source to read the story. I wanted you to see what a 25 week old
In the state of Colorado at this very point in my pregnancy(almost 25 weeks) I can call the abortion clinic in Denver and have an outpatient abortion with no waiting period.
I will repeat that, the state of Colorado says is legal for me to abort my
Colorado will even issue a death certificate to babies born after 20 weeks that showed "signs of life" such as: heartbeat and voluntary muscle movement with or without the placenta still attached via umbilical cord. And furthermore a certificate can be filed for parents wishing it before 20 weeks.
To preform a late term abortion in most cases a procedure called Dilation and evacuation( D&E) is preformed. It takes a couple of days to dilate the cervix enough to get the tools used up there. The
From Wikipedia:
The first step in a D&E is to dilate the cervix. This is often begun about a day before the surgical procedure, and often involves the insertion of multiple laminaria sticks into the cervix. Enlarging the opening of the cervix enables surgical instruments such as a curette or forceps to be inserted into the uterus.[2]The second step is to remove the fetus. Either a local anesthetic or general anesthesia is given to the woman. A cannula is passed into the uterus. The cannula is attached by tubing to a bottle and a pump that provides a vacuum to remove tissue from the uterus. Forceps are inserted into the uterus through the vagina and used to extract any remaining tissue. This is more likely in pregnancies of 16 weeks or more. A curette is used to scrape the lining of the uterus and remove tissue in the uterus. Lastly, the vacuum is used to ensure removal of fetal body remains in the uterus (such fetal remains can cause serious infections in the woman). The pieces of the fetal body are also examined to ensure that the entire fetus was removed.[2]
Pieces removed. Yea, can you imagine little 25 week old Skyler up there removed from her mother's body in pieces? Sounds a lot like the steps a serial murderer would go through.
Do you still view it as my bodily right to do so? Is it not killing? Is it still just a "lump of tissue and cells"? Do you find aborting a baby that can live acceptable? Is it still a woman's "choice" to do this?
I've talked before about prenatal appointments that check for life and what vitals are checked that clarify life. We argue that just because something hasn't taken its first breath must mean it has no right to life. Even with a heartbeat and functioning organs. Even though the first thing that is often checked when a pregnancy is discovered are signs of life such as growth and heartbeats.
I've seen vets refuse to spay a pregnant dog because it would be "killing the puppies". I've seen people outraged over the thought of spaying a female dog because "its not the puppies' fault". Seriously folks, its no question a pregnant animal has life in her, but a woman and we question it.
Its simple biology folks, a heart is beating by the time that pee stick confirms your suspicion. Its growing and developing and becoming a fully functional person. There is no rocket science behind it, it doesn't take decades of studying fetal development to know its alive. It's not a benign tumor in there. Its not some lump of cells that just grows without a map or reason causing destruction and death.
I've got a week and a half to make up my mind in Colorado about the life of my
If you are on the side of pro-choice please do women a favor, pick up a book that describes pregnancy week by week such as "Your Pregnancy Week By Week" or even the book "From Conception to Birth" by Alexander Tsiaras, a beautifully composed book that shows photos at every stage and text of development. I have both of these books if you want to look.
The same goes for pro-lifers. You cannot be effective if you don't know pregnancy inside and out. You need to be prepared to provide knowledge, education and resources.
Make sure what you are promoting you are doing so with an educated opinion. It is ignorant otherwise.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Lysol Kills 99.9% of Bacteria and Viruses
I bet you are expecting to read some great and gross story about something nasty my kids did with a title like that! Sorry, not the case. I've been really trying to stay away from politically charged subjects and I have been too tired to blog. I deleted Facebook from my phone this week because I need a break from the over stimulation. But the recent Hobby Lobby decision has been hitting me hard in many ways, mostly the lies being spread about what has actually happened. I am not really going to talk about that in detail, but instead talk about killing germs and viruses VS killing babies. Sorry, heavy topic, but it should be said.
Viruses are made up of DNA and RNA, they only survive within living cells and because they don't contain all the aspects of "life" science considers them "organisms on the edge of life." Lysol kills them. Bacteria on the other hand are considered life. They were among the first life forms to appear on earth. There are believed to be 10 times the amount if bacterial cells than actual cells that make up the human body. Lysol kills bacteria too.
It is very important to point out what science says about these two things, viruses are just on the edge of being life and bacteria are life. They are very firm in this. You couldn't tell a scientist that bacteria wasn't a life form, yet science can't see to agree that a gestating fetus(baby) is a life form. They are still arguing over when it should be considered life, inside or out. But bacteria, life all the way! Life that Lysol kills.
For those of you that haven't had children yet or chose not to I am going to do some explaining about prenatal appointments. Every single time you go your doctor or midwife they check for life via heartbeat. They often use something called a Doppler, a handheld ultrasound like device. Or in the case of midwifery a fetal-scope, a special type of stethoscope to hear the heartbeat of the baby. This is often the first thing they do. They will check to see if baby is growing and how your body is handling things. In the event of an emergency situation things like induction and C-sections are put into play to save the LIFE of the baby and/or mother. When the heart of a baby is found to have stopped it is said to have passed. As in life that is no more.
Clinical death happens when a person's heart stops beating and circulation ceases. Biological death happens about 6-7 minutes later when the lack of oxygen kills brain cells. Death meaning dead. No longer alive. I don't think bacteria dies of clinical and biological death as they don't have lungs, hearts or brains. But they care capable of dying anyways, Lysol is good for this.
I've discussed all of that because people cannot seem to understand when life begins. Women and politicians especially don't seem to understand what life is. They are running around toting the thoughts about women's rights and the right to abort unwanted pregnancies. Babies in the womb are not protected as they are not considered life unless you want them to be alive. In many states you can "abort" a baby well past the time in which doctors would try to save its life if you were to give birth prematurely. In Colorado for example outpatient abortion can be done up to 26 weeks of pregnancy. There is an 80% survival rate for babies born this early, but at long as they aren't born its ok to abort it. THIS is a beautiful page full of babies born at 26 weeks and their after pictures as healthy children later.
Killing is defined as an act of causing death deliberately. When I clean my kitchen and bathrooms with Lysol I am killing the bacteria living in them. When I wash my hands with antibacterial hand soap after handling raw chicken I am killing the bacteria from that. When I wash my cloth diapers in water so hot it will melt my skin I am killing the bacteria. When the flowers I fail to water die in the heat of the summer it can be said I killed them. When my chickens are done laying eggs I will kill them for food. When my dog gets too sick to be happy and experiences too much pain to walk I will take him to a vet to end his life.
A human embryo has beating cells that become the heart by day 14 of gestation, about the same time pregnancy first becomes detectable. By the time a fetus is 5 weeks old(7 weeks gestation) the heart is formed and pumping and can be seen via ultrasound in most cases. It is pumping blood through its very tiny body. This is a biological fact that exists in a women who can't fathom being pregnant and in a women who has struggled with fertility treatments and is over the moon about it. It is the same in the woman laying on a laying on a table getting an abortion and the woman laying on a table getting an ultrasound. So why in one woman is it treated as nothing and in another treated as a great miracle? It's biologically the same.
Abortion is the act of killing something deliberately. It is not murder because the government hasn't determined it to be illegal. A whopping 91% of abortions are preformed in the first trimester. A trimester believed to just be a clump of cells that don't resemble life. I can tell you that bacteria don't look a lick like human life, yet the Lysol bottle very clearly states it KILLS it.
I don't care where you stand on the debate, pro-choice or pro-life. It should be agreed that abortion is the deliberate killing of life. This garbage where science can't figure out if a human fetus is life or not is for the birds and the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Its time for politicians to stop encouraging women to kill their unborn babies with words like "empowerment" , "choice" and "rights". Abortion should not be a socially acceptable way to deal with unplanned pregnancies. The answer to stopping them is not in making them illegal, after all murder, drugs and guns in schools are all illegal and that doesn't stop them from happening. What does stop every other American from committing crimes is morals. Abortion needs to become morally unacceptable. It's not about anyone's bodily rights. Its about death.
I will never be the friend that holds your hand during an abortion and tell you I understand. I will never tell you you made the right choice to kill a perfectly healthy baby for the sake of not knowing any better.
I will however hold your hand and help you find a solution that preserves life.
If you deny an embryo or fetus the title of life, you deny science. If you deny an embryo or fetus the title of life you also deny God for those of you that believe. All of us fall into one or the other category and sometimes both.
Viruses are made up of DNA and RNA, they only survive within living cells and because they don't contain all the aspects of "life" science considers them "organisms on the edge of life." Lysol kills them. Bacteria on the other hand are considered life. They were among the first life forms to appear on earth. There are believed to be 10 times the amount if bacterial cells than actual cells that make up the human body. Lysol kills bacteria too.
It is very important to point out what science says about these two things, viruses are just on the edge of being life and bacteria are life. They are very firm in this. You couldn't tell a scientist that bacteria wasn't a life form, yet science can't see to agree that a gestating fetus(baby) is a life form. They are still arguing over when it should be considered life, inside or out. But bacteria, life all the way! Life that Lysol kills.
For those of you that haven't had children yet or chose not to I am going to do some explaining about prenatal appointments. Every single time you go your doctor or midwife they check for life via heartbeat. They often use something called a Doppler, a handheld ultrasound like device. Or in the case of midwifery a fetal-scope, a special type of stethoscope to hear the heartbeat of the baby. This is often the first thing they do. They will check to see if baby is growing and how your body is handling things. In the event of an emergency situation things like induction and C-sections are put into play to save the LIFE of the baby and/or mother. When the heart of a baby is found to have stopped it is said to have passed. As in life that is no more.
Clinical death happens when a person's heart stops beating and circulation ceases. Biological death happens about 6-7 minutes later when the lack of oxygen kills brain cells. Death meaning dead. No longer alive. I don't think bacteria dies of clinical and biological death as they don't have lungs, hearts or brains. But they care capable of dying anyways, Lysol is good for this.
I've discussed all of that because people cannot seem to understand when life begins. Women and politicians especially don't seem to understand what life is. They are running around toting the thoughts about women's rights and the right to abort unwanted pregnancies. Babies in the womb are not protected as they are not considered life unless you want them to be alive. In many states you can "abort" a baby well past the time in which doctors would try to save its life if you were to give birth prematurely. In Colorado for example outpatient abortion can be done up to 26 weeks of pregnancy. There is an 80% survival rate for babies born this early, but at long as they aren't born its ok to abort it. THIS is a beautiful page full of babies born at 26 weeks and their after pictures as healthy children later.
Killing is defined as an act of causing death deliberately. When I clean my kitchen and bathrooms with Lysol I am killing the bacteria living in them. When I wash my hands with antibacterial hand soap after handling raw chicken I am killing the bacteria from that. When I wash my cloth diapers in water so hot it will melt my skin I am killing the bacteria. When the flowers I fail to water die in the heat of the summer it can be said I killed them. When my chickens are done laying eggs I will kill them for food. When my dog gets too sick to be happy and experiences too much pain to walk I will take him to a vet to end his life.
A human embryo has beating cells that become the heart by day 14 of gestation, about the same time pregnancy first becomes detectable. By the time a fetus is 5 weeks old(7 weeks gestation) the heart is formed and pumping and can be seen via ultrasound in most cases. It is pumping blood through its very tiny body. This is a biological fact that exists in a women who can't fathom being pregnant and in a women who has struggled with fertility treatments and is over the moon about it. It is the same in the woman laying on a laying on a table getting an abortion and the woman laying on a table getting an ultrasound. So why in one woman is it treated as nothing and in another treated as a great miracle? It's biologically the same.
Abortion is the act of killing something deliberately. It is not murder because the government hasn't determined it to be illegal. A whopping 91% of abortions are preformed in the first trimester. A trimester believed to just be a clump of cells that don't resemble life. I can tell you that bacteria don't look a lick like human life, yet the Lysol bottle very clearly states it KILLS it.
I don't care where you stand on the debate, pro-choice or pro-life. It should be agreed that abortion is the deliberate killing of life. This garbage where science can't figure out if a human fetus is life or not is for the birds and the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Its time for politicians to stop encouraging women to kill their unborn babies with words like "empowerment" , "choice" and "rights". Abortion should not be a socially acceptable way to deal with unplanned pregnancies. The answer to stopping them is not in making them illegal, after all murder, drugs and guns in schools are all illegal and that doesn't stop them from happening. What does stop every other American from committing crimes is morals. Abortion needs to become morally unacceptable. It's not about anyone's bodily rights. Its about death.
I will never be the friend that holds your hand during an abortion and tell you I understand. I will never tell you you made the right choice to kill a perfectly healthy baby for the sake of not knowing any better.
I will however hold your hand and help you find a solution that preserves life.
If you deny an embryo or fetus the title of life, you deny science. If you deny an embryo or fetus the title of life you also deny God for those of you that believe. All of us fall into one or the other category and sometimes both.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Words on Walls
If someone gave you a Sharpie and told you to write something someone said to you on your wall and you knew they would see it, what would write? If you were told to write it as big as you could so it would be harder to cover, what would it be? The thing that you wrote, would it bring shame and embarrassment to the person who said it? Would they run to the hardware store to get paint and brushes and try to cover it up? Or would they smile at what you chose and invite others to see it?
Inside each of us is a wall. It's the wall where the words of others are written. Everyday we read the words on our walls. Most everyday new ones are written there. But inside of us there is no hardware store to buy paint to cover the words that we don't want to read. They stay on ours walls, sometimes becoming covered by more words, but we never forget the words covered up. We cannot erase them.
If you were given a Sharpie to write something on someone else's wall knowing they could see it and would have a difficult time removing it, what might you leave for them? Words of happiness or love? Words that would make you feel good sharing? Words you would like to see stay there forever? Or would you choose words of malice and anger? Words that would hurt and words you hope no one else sees?
You see, just because the words you speak do not show up on the walls of your home, doesn't mean they aren't permanent. You don't have to have them scrawled across in black Sharpie to have them remembered. All you have to do is speak them. They will forever be etched on the walls of the person in which you direct them.
I think if we knew our words were being written down so people could always go back and read them, we would be much more careful in what we say. If people walked into our homes and could read the dialogue within, we would think twice about attacking others and talking poorly about those around us. How much embarrassment or shame would you suffer if someone saw all your words?
When we speak, we should speak our words as though they are being scrawled across the walls for all to view. We should speak in a way they we would not feel shame or guilt if we were forced to read it later. We should remember that every word we say will remain on the walls of someone and while after time those words will be written on top of, they still exist underneath. They never go away. They might leave your mouth, but that doesn't make them gone.
Inside each of us is a wall. It's the wall where the words of others are written. Everyday we read the words on our walls. Most everyday new ones are written there. But inside of us there is no hardware store to buy paint to cover the words that we don't want to read. They stay on ours walls, sometimes becoming covered by more words, but we never forget the words covered up. We cannot erase them.
If you were given a Sharpie to write something on someone else's wall knowing they could see it and would have a difficult time removing it, what might you leave for them? Words of happiness or love? Words that would make you feel good sharing? Words you would like to see stay there forever? Or would you choose words of malice and anger? Words that would hurt and words you hope no one else sees?
You see, just because the words you speak do not show up on the walls of your home, doesn't mean they aren't permanent. You don't have to have them scrawled across in black Sharpie to have them remembered. All you have to do is speak them. They will forever be etched on the walls of the person in which you direct them.
I think if we knew our words were being written down so people could always go back and read them, we would be much more careful in what we say. If people walked into our homes and could read the dialogue within, we would think twice about attacking others and talking poorly about those around us. How much embarrassment or shame would you suffer if someone saw all your words?
When we speak, we should speak our words as though they are being scrawled across the walls for all to view. We should speak in a way they we would not feel shame or guilt if we were forced to read it later. We should remember that every word we say will remain on the walls of someone and while after time those words will be written on top of, they still exist underneath. They never go away. They might leave your mouth, but that doesn't make them gone.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
What is Leadership and What is Discipline?
Leadership VS Discipline, are they the same, can they work together, and what exactly do they mean? It's a hot topic in my house lately and frankly probably any household with kids old enough to tell you where they think the bear craps in the woods. Parenting is full of huge grey areas, Hell who am I kidding the damn mess is a grey area!! There is no real black and white manual and over the years it has morphed and changed. As we become more modern with less time and more disconnected from family, its easy to see why we have short cuts and short comings with parenting. What we do today is probably not even a shadow of how things used to be when people didn't have all the modern distraction of today. Families aren't flowing together, instead we are all working against each other and our inner nature to try to make things fit the way we are having it sold to us. This is were understanding the real definitions of leadership and discipline come into play.
Influence is the power to change or effect someone or something: the power to cause changes without directly forcing them to happen.
That's powerful. Being able to change someone without force. Basically being such a strong presence that they would want to make the changes and do as you guide them or on the flip side be so turned off they are influenced into the opposite direction.
Purpose is the reason why something is done or used, its the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something.
Influence with purpose, that means having a plan or goal you are trying to get to without force.
Direction is the path or course in which something is moving.
Ok now we are guiding the way down a path toward a goal without forcing people into it.
Motivation is the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something.
I think with that we can define family leadership as guiding our kids/spouses down a planned path toward an end result while showing them why its such a good idea. Sounds like a lot of work, but that's what a leader does, works for a common end goal. With a family we are working towards guiding our kids into functioning adults, helping our spouses work out problems and even moving the whole household into a cohesive unit. None of that can be done without a good positive influence. Everyone is going to run opposite directions otherwise. You can't force people to like your ideas, you have to show them why your ideas are so good to begin with and you have to be the model of your anticipated end result; IE functioning adult.
I think leadership is probably a GREAT family value to have, providing it's done correctly and people are benefiting and goals are being met.
Now I am going to move onto discipline. We all say it, do it and suggest it, but what is discipline exactly and how does it play a role in family life?
I believe in most situations when we think of discipline we think of it in the following context:
I am going to use the Army standard of leadership(for you my sweet). The Army defines leadership as:
“the process of influencing people by providing purpose, direction, and motivation while operating to accomplish the mission and improve the organization.”Lets change "people" to spouse/kids and change organization to Family. So now we are influencing our kids and spouses to improve the family. That makes a lot of sense. We don't want outside forces having a stronger influence on it, so we need to make sure we are the ones providing it. Lets start breaking this down.
Influence is the power to change or effect someone or something: the power to cause changes without directly forcing them to happen.
That's powerful. Being able to change someone without force. Basically being such a strong presence that they would want to make the changes and do as you guide them or on the flip side be so turned off they are influenced into the opposite direction.
Purpose is the reason why something is done or used, its the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something.
Influence with purpose, that means having a plan or goal you are trying to get to without force.
Direction is the path or course in which something is moving.
Ok now we are guiding the way down a path toward a goal without forcing people into it.
Motivation is the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something.
I think with that we can define family leadership as guiding our kids/spouses down a planned path toward an end result while showing them why its such a good idea. Sounds like a lot of work, but that's what a leader does, works for a common end goal. With a family we are working towards guiding our kids into functioning adults, helping our spouses work out problems and even moving the whole household into a cohesive unit. None of that can be done without a good positive influence. Everyone is going to run opposite directions otherwise. You can't force people to like your ideas, you have to show them why your ideas are so good to begin with and you have to be the model of your anticipated end result; IE functioning adult.
I think leadership is probably a GREAT family value to have, providing it's done correctly and people are benefiting and goals are being met.
Now I am going to move onto discipline. We all say it, do it and suggest it, but what is discipline exactly and how does it play a role in family life?
I believe in most situations when we think of discipline we think of it in the following context:
gaining control by requiring that rules be obeyed and punishing bad behavior.
I think that's a fair representation when we think of disciplining our children. We do something to our kids to make them pay for their infractions and we call it discipline and we call it just.
Lets take a look at the meaning of punish.
To punish is to make someone suffer for a crime or bad behavior.
Yes, your kid breaks the rules you do something to them, spank maybe? Ground them? Take away time from the TV or their game station in an effort to make them suffer for doing bad. This is after all how the American justice system works and they got at all right, right?
To suffer is to experience pain, something unpleasant or to become worse because of being badly effected by something.
Ouch, that looks nasty. Pain, unpleasantness and being adversely effected.
Pain is the physical feeling caused by something that hurts the body, its mental or emotional suffering or something that causes or makes trouble for you.
It's not getting better. So discipline is the act of causing physical pain or mental suffering for rule breaking. When our children are born has it ever crossed our minds ONCE to purposefully cause them harm? Have we ever thought that harm would make them great people? Are we great parents when we cause harm to others?
That's the definition of discipline as we know it to cause change in behavior at the time. There is another for discipline.
A way of behaving that shows a willingness to obey rules or orders
That's called self discipline. A behavior you show. I know being a leader takes self discipline. Always doing the right thing in efforts to influence others to follow in your steps.
Leadership and discipline have VERY obvious different meanings and quite clearly cannot coexist. Taking the leadership role in your family means showing them what you believe and why its so important, it means giving your family a path and helping them navigate it. Being a disciplinarian means reacting to what you haven't approved and causing harm to get your way and leaving no lesson learned ad learning is not part of discipline. A good leader doesn't harm his people.
Being a self disciplined leader is clearly optimal, it means standing up to yourself in the face of defeat, failure, and disappointment, being ok with it and driving on with changes in the game plan to get back on path. Its time we all really sat and looked at ourselves and decide what we are lacking and how we can fix it and be better families and be proud of the hard work we put into raising the next generation.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thoughts on 30
My 30th birthday is in 12 days! (also you have 11 days to finish your Christmas shopping, better get crackin') I will not be 29 again. I will not be 29+1 nor will it be a depressing day to skip. I will be 30 and I seriously couldn't be happier about it. Yea, I am crazy I know, but its a good day for me. After turning 21 I realized being "so young" just wasn't all it was cracked up to be. No one took me seriously, I was lacking life experience I so desperately wanted(and probably needed) and honestly I hated hearing people with so much more wisdom than I saying they "missed being so young". I didn't get it. I would not relive my 20s.
So many people heard me say,"I can't wait to be 30." I've said it over and over again. I cannot wait! I was asked a few weeks ago how I felt about it and I've really put some thought into it. I have never been more at ease with my peers. I feel like the closer I have gotten to 30 the more I am fitting in with people my age. I don't know what it is, but everyone seems calmer, more grounded and easier to get along with. I did not experience that from my young 20 something peers. I've disliked meeting people in that age group. I don't understand them and feel awkward, that's never changed. I feel more at ease with myself. I am not concerned with body image at all. I am pretty damn happy in my skin. I don't feel like I have to put on a show or look a certain way. Judge away judgers! At the end of the day I have a great family to come home to and they don't care. I am finally feeling like an adult. I feel like people don't blow off the things I have to say because I am too young to know.
I've got 3 great kids right now. It's not always easy, but I am really in love with being a mom. I wish I would have had 3 in my early 20s. Maybe I would have found my way sooner, but kids come with age, another reason to love 30 so much! They have grounded me big time and I really don't feel so high strung and freaked out. My husband probably helps that too I am sure. Marriage is also another reason to love 30. Its maturing and we are entering new places and finding new ideas together. It's fabulous. And I like not hearing,"You're too young to be married" Nope, don't hear that anymore!
30 is not old. Its nothing to be ashamed of. I will never be 29 again, don't want to or need to be. I will proudly be a 30 year old women. I've got 10 years till 40, and I'll be back writing about the awesomeness that I know will come with it. Until then, my ladies turning 30 with me, love it!! Embrace it and know you are awesome too!
So many people heard me say,"I can't wait to be 30." I've said it over and over again. I cannot wait! I was asked a few weeks ago how I felt about it and I've really put some thought into it. I have never been more at ease with my peers. I feel like the closer I have gotten to 30 the more I am fitting in with people my age. I don't know what it is, but everyone seems calmer, more grounded and easier to get along with. I did not experience that from my young 20 something peers. I've disliked meeting people in that age group. I don't understand them and feel awkward, that's never changed. I feel more at ease with myself. I am not concerned with body image at all. I am pretty damn happy in my skin. I don't feel like I have to put on a show or look a certain way. Judge away judgers! At the end of the day I have a great family to come home to and they don't care. I am finally feeling like an adult. I feel like people don't blow off the things I have to say because I am too young to know.
I've got 3 great kids right now. It's not always easy, but I am really in love with being a mom. I wish I would have had 3 in my early 20s. Maybe I would have found my way sooner, but kids come with age, another reason to love 30 so much! They have grounded me big time and I really don't feel so high strung and freaked out. My husband probably helps that too I am sure. Marriage is also another reason to love 30. Its maturing and we are entering new places and finding new ideas together. It's fabulous. And I like not hearing,"You're too young to be married" Nope, don't hear that anymore!
30 is not old. Its nothing to be ashamed of. I will never be 29 again, don't want to or need to be. I will proudly be a 30 year old women. I've got 10 years till 40, and I'll be back writing about the awesomeness that I know will come with it. Until then, my ladies turning 30 with me, love it!! Embrace it and know you are awesome too!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Entitled to Why?
Part of my anxiety when it comes to making decisions is the worry of what everyone else will think of my choices, of me. It's feeling like I always have to answer their "whys" and plead my case with everyone who doesn't make my decisions or live in my household. It makes doing non mainstream hard. It makes personal decisions hard. It makes family choices hard. I am really tired of things being hard. I am tired of worrying about judgement and disapproval from people who play no role in my day to day choices and family rearing. If its working for me and I am happy then frankly, tough for everybody else.
If I solicit your advice then by all means give it. Some things are easier to decide when you search outside your own box. Some people have valuable knowledge to share and I seek that out when I know it's needed or I feel stuck. This I value, it is not me looking to have everyone else make choices for me.
I've just finally hit a point where I am getting too exhausted worrying about how every single person in my life feels about my choices. I have realized these are just that, my choices for me to make with my husbands approval. His is pretty much the only one I need when it effects only him and me. So unless I am causing harm to myself, my kids or another person I am just not going to hear it.
So for now, I am going to happily continue on with a choice I made with my husband and not care about what everyone else says.
If I solicit your advice then by all means give it. Some things are easier to decide when you search outside your own box. Some people have valuable knowledge to share and I seek that out when I know it's needed or I feel stuck. This I value, it is not me looking to have everyone else make choices for me.
I've just finally hit a point where I am getting too exhausted worrying about how every single person in my life feels about my choices. I have realized these are just that, my choices for me to make with my husbands approval. His is pretty much the only one I need when it effects only him and me. So unless I am causing harm to myself, my kids or another person I am just not going to hear it.
So for now, I am going to happily continue on with a choice I made with my husband and not care about what everyone else says.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
How to Make Violence an Unacceptable Part of Your Child's Life: Part one
Have you ever yelled at your kids? Spanked them? Isolated them with timeout or grounding? Have you ever put them down by name calling or speaking poorly of them? Perhaps you have fought with your partner in front of your kids or lost your cool and threw some crap, slammed some doors and broke a thing or two.
I will be first to admit I have done a majority of the things on that list as well as been subject to all of them as a child. Growing up being spanked, slapped, yelled at, put down and isolated. I watched my parents fight praying to God they would divorce. I watched my mother fight with partners after the divorce praying it would stop. I was bullied at school. I've been clinically depressed and suicidal in the past. I've struggled to accept all that has been.
Violence is described as a few things in the English dictionary:
When I think of the word violence I also think of the word cruel:
I have discovered that mainstream accepted modern day parenting as well as the parenting of the recent past is violent and cruel. It is demeaning and damaging. Its starting a cycle that is near impossible to stop. Its setting our future up for failure. Its sending our kids into a world with the belief that violence and cruelty is acceptable and a part of life. It makes fighting acceptable. It makes conflicts escalate. It makes modern day war.
Anyone who has ever spanked their child can probably think back to the first time. The first time is what makes you do it a second, third, forth and so on until you wonder why it's not working any longer. That first spanking you witness the death of innocence. Until that first violation your child knew only love. They knew only peace. They knew only protection from you. That first reaction is one of shock. It's one of pain and uncertainty. Your child probably cried. They probably panicked. They probably shook their head in agreement to whatever it was you demanded. To you this seemed so effective. Then they made the mistake again and because in your head the treatment was so effective you just know they are doing this on purpose to spite you. You spank again and again and again. It may become more frequent or it may stay infrequent, but at some point you will see the reaction change. It won't seem as sincere or effective. You will begin to feel you are getting nothing from it. They are no longer learning or don't care to do the right thing based on these interactions.
Maybe spanking isn't your thing. You don't believe in hitting. So you raise your voice. You yell. You make yourself seen by your child. Just as with spanking the first time you yell at your child you get the intended reaction. You get tears and you get fear. You think they fear making that mistake again. But as usual they will continue to make mistakes, you will continue to yell and things will continue to escalate. at some point your words will no longer be heard. You will feel disrespected by your child and it will be all their fault for purposely being this way because they are just flat out disrespectful.
You child has done something so bad you can't spank or yell. Neither will work, so you isolate with timeout or grounding(or as so lovingly put when I was growing up "restriction"). You lock your kid away like a prisoner. They can't go outside, they can't come out of their room. You take all their things and force them to "think" for a day, a week, a month. You use whatever imaginary time table parents have that prescribes the right amount of isolation. Just as with the spanking and the yelling the first time you isolate your child you will think it worked. They seemed so tore up, so upset, so regretful of their infraction. And just as before its perceived benefits will fade and you will again feel hopeless as to what actually works. Your child is willfully ignorant.
So now you have this kid that doesn't care to do the right things, is disrespectful and willfully ignorant. Maybe telling them how awful they are will teach them a lesson. Nothing else works right? Ah, you see a glimmer of reaction. They look hurt, just as hurt as you feel by all their terrible deeds. Now you are teaching them a thing or two. Surely calling them all the names they are will force them to respect you.
So now that your ignorant, stupid, disrespectful child knows better, you and your partner have a fight over who knows what. You are both stressed and feeling slighted by each other. You don't feel respected or listened too. Its bad enough your kid doesn't listen right? Maybe you slam some doors. Maybe you throw something? Perhaps you even break things. All of this in frustration because you aren't being heard. Nothing is helping. Nothing is changing. Too bad you can't spank or ground your partner. Surely that would make a point and teach a lesson or two.
It all seems ugly and violent when you snowball it on paper, doesn't it? Why doesn't it feel that way in life? We have been made numb to the effects of violence. We have been taught it's normal and appropriate. We have learned its the usual, this is how people treat each other. It's a way to communicate importance. How many times have you been in public, whether it be driving or shopping and you come across a crappy person? They cut you off, run into you with their cart? You shrug it off. Some people!! Often you won't go home and say anything. Now, how many times has a total stranger been kind to you and you immediately wonder what they are up to or feel uneasy by the random stranger showing kindness. So weird right? Its weird and often feels odd because it is not the normal we are taught on an everyday basis. Many times we will go home and talk about the weirdo at the grocery store trying to get too close for comfort.
But what does all this equate to in our children's lives? Our own lives?
Stay tuned for Part Two
I will be first to admit I have done a majority of the things on that list as well as been subject to all of them as a child. Growing up being spanked, slapped, yelled at, put down and isolated. I watched my parents fight praying to God they would divorce. I watched my mother fight with partners after the divorce praying it would stop. I was bullied at school. I've been clinically depressed and suicidal in the past. I've struggled to accept all that has been.
Violence is described as a few things in the English dictionary:
vi·o·lence (v-l
2. The act or an instance of violent action or behavior.
3. Intensity or severity, as in natural phenomena; untamed force
4. Abusive or unjust exercise of power.
5. Abuse or injury to meaning, content, or intent:
6. Vehemence of feeling or expression; fervor.
When I think of the word violence I also think of the word cruel:
cru·el (kr
2. Causing suffering; painful.
I have discovered that mainstream accepted modern day parenting as well as the parenting of the recent past is violent and cruel. It is demeaning and damaging. Its starting a cycle that is near impossible to stop. Its setting our future up for failure. Its sending our kids into a world with the belief that violence and cruelty is acceptable and a part of life. It makes fighting acceptable. It makes conflicts escalate. It makes modern day war.
Anyone who has ever spanked their child can probably think back to the first time. The first time is what makes you do it a second, third, forth and so on until you wonder why it's not working any longer. That first spanking you witness the death of innocence. Until that first violation your child knew only love. They knew only peace. They knew only protection from you. That first reaction is one of shock. It's one of pain and uncertainty. Your child probably cried. They probably panicked. They probably shook their head in agreement to whatever it was you demanded. To you this seemed so effective. Then they made the mistake again and because in your head the treatment was so effective you just know they are doing this on purpose to spite you. You spank again and again and again. It may become more frequent or it may stay infrequent, but at some point you will see the reaction change. It won't seem as sincere or effective. You will begin to feel you are getting nothing from it. They are no longer learning or don't care to do the right thing based on these interactions.
Maybe spanking isn't your thing. You don't believe in hitting. So you raise your voice. You yell. You make yourself seen by your child. Just as with spanking the first time you yell at your child you get the intended reaction. You get tears and you get fear. You think they fear making that mistake again. But as usual they will continue to make mistakes, you will continue to yell and things will continue to escalate. at some point your words will no longer be heard. You will feel disrespected by your child and it will be all their fault for purposely being this way because they are just flat out disrespectful.
You child has done something so bad you can't spank or yell. Neither will work, so you isolate with timeout or grounding(or as so lovingly put when I was growing up "restriction"). You lock your kid away like a prisoner. They can't go outside, they can't come out of their room. You take all their things and force them to "think" for a day, a week, a month. You use whatever imaginary time table parents have that prescribes the right amount of isolation. Just as with the spanking and the yelling the first time you isolate your child you will think it worked. They seemed so tore up, so upset, so regretful of their infraction. And just as before its perceived benefits will fade and you will again feel hopeless as to what actually works. Your child is willfully ignorant.
So now you have this kid that doesn't care to do the right things, is disrespectful and willfully ignorant. Maybe telling them how awful they are will teach them a lesson. Nothing else works right? Ah, you see a glimmer of reaction. They look hurt, just as hurt as you feel by all their terrible deeds. Now you are teaching them a thing or two. Surely calling them all the names they are will force them to respect you.
So now that your ignorant, stupid, disrespectful child knows better, you and your partner have a fight over who knows what. You are both stressed and feeling slighted by each other. You don't feel respected or listened too. Its bad enough your kid doesn't listen right? Maybe you slam some doors. Maybe you throw something? Perhaps you even break things. All of this in frustration because you aren't being heard. Nothing is helping. Nothing is changing. Too bad you can't spank or ground your partner. Surely that would make a point and teach a lesson or two.
It all seems ugly and violent when you snowball it on paper, doesn't it? Why doesn't it feel that way in life? We have been made numb to the effects of violence. We have been taught it's normal and appropriate. We have learned its the usual, this is how people treat each other. It's a way to communicate importance. How many times have you been in public, whether it be driving or shopping and you come across a crappy person? They cut you off, run into you with their cart? You shrug it off. Some people!! Often you won't go home and say anything. Now, how many times has a total stranger been kind to you and you immediately wonder what they are up to or feel uneasy by the random stranger showing kindness. So weird right? Its weird and often feels odd because it is not the normal we are taught on an everyday basis. Many times we will go home and talk about the weirdo at the grocery store trying to get too close for comfort.
But what does all this equate to in our children's lives? Our own lives?
Stay tuned for Part Two
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Will Your Kids Be Proud of You?
I have read so much about parenting the last few years. Studies, opinions, comments, questions, experiences etc. What I have learned is there isn't necessarily a "right way" to parent as our choices are infinite. I have, however, formed a pretty strong thought on the wrong way to parent a child. I think the world we live in is violent. I can open a news page and find stories on murder, rape, war, child abuse, animal abuse, theft, assault and so forth. It's easiest to find such stories. Rarely do people doing good things make the news, perhaps humans are rarely doing good things. Good things don't get you noticed. Parenting is much the same. I believe many people parent in anger and violence. Yelling, screaming, hitting, put downs, name calling and the use of isolation. I wonder if hugging a criminal would be more effective then the justice system they float in now.
Today I am recovering from another argument over parenting differences. In that recovery a thought found me. We spend so much time trying to teach our kids things that make us proud, but are our children proud of us? Will they grow up and say,"I want to be just like my parents. I am so proud of the way they raised me!" Many of us have a list a mile long of all the things we won't do to our kids based on our own childhoods. I have never heard a list of the opposite.
Things you won't hear an adult say:
Yet all of these things still seem to be the golden rule to parenting. The violence and abuse is acceptable to anyone under the magic age of 18. We are supposed to raise our kids into kind and caring adults and yet we aren't going out of our way to teach them how to be. They turn 18 and that's that. Go out and be respectful to your future spouse and children even though you have been shown otherwise.
While my first marriage ended for many good reasons, it was also 6 years of bitter Hell. I knew no better. I knew fighting. I knew disrespect. I knew hatred and self loathing. I knew violence.
Where things stand now, I don't know that my child is going to say he was proud of his upbringing. A lot has to change. If the violence of this world is going to end we have to stop teaching it to our kids. It should not be an option to KNOW what violence is. It should never feel like an acceptable choice to our children when they come of age, when they start running the world. Violence should feel terrible, not just numb and normal.
So parent proudly. Give your kids something to want to take from their childhood and apply to their own families. Lets stop worrying about what our kids are doing to make us proud, but instead give them reasons to have pride in us. The rest will follow without needing to enforce strict behavior guidelines society tells us to conform to. Teach love, patience and kindness. Teach forgiveness. Teach them that battles are not an option, but understanding and openness are.
Compromise should be done with love and humility.
Today I am recovering from another argument over parenting differences. In that recovery a thought found me. We spend so much time trying to teach our kids things that make us proud, but are our children proud of us? Will they grow up and say,"I want to be just like my parents. I am so proud of the way they raised me!" Many of us have a list a mile long of all the things we won't do to our kids based on our own childhoods. I have never heard a list of the opposite.
Things you won't hear an adult say:
"I am so proud my parents had the courage to spank me when I needed it."Sounds pretty bad. Its a lot like an adult saying they were happy to be raped because it taught them to dress better. Or be happy for divorce because it taught them to love harder. Not a lot of logic to it. I've said it before and I'll just keep saying it, but we don't hit our friends or spouses and expect them to learn. We don't yell and scream and actually get results. We don't isolate our families and have them come out feeling great and refreshed. We don't pull back loving emotions and see change. No, we do any of that and we see and feel hurt. We experience pain and sadness. We lose trust and respect.
"I am so proud to have had my parents yell and scream at me, I learned so much from it."
"I am proud of the way my parents isolated me when I did the wrong thing, thank God for being grounded."
"I am proud my parents denied me affection during the times I was bad. It showed me how to be good."
Yet all of these things still seem to be the golden rule to parenting. The violence and abuse is acceptable to anyone under the magic age of 18. We are supposed to raise our kids into kind and caring adults and yet we aren't going out of our way to teach them how to be. They turn 18 and that's that. Go out and be respectful to your future spouse and children even though you have been shown otherwise.
While my first marriage ended for many good reasons, it was also 6 years of bitter Hell. I knew no better. I knew fighting. I knew disrespect. I knew hatred and self loathing. I knew violence.
Where things stand now, I don't know that my child is going to say he was proud of his upbringing. A lot has to change. If the violence of this world is going to end we have to stop teaching it to our kids. It should not be an option to KNOW what violence is. It should never feel like an acceptable choice to our children when they come of age, when they start running the world. Violence should feel terrible, not just numb and normal.
So parent proudly. Give your kids something to want to take from their childhood and apply to their own families. Lets stop worrying about what our kids are doing to make us proud, but instead give them reasons to have pride in us. The rest will follow without needing to enforce strict behavior guidelines society tells us to conform to. Teach love, patience and kindness. Teach forgiveness. Teach them that battles are not an option, but understanding and openness are.
Compromise should be done with love and humility.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Face Book, Killing relationships One Friend List at a Time
I love social media. I hate social media. It has many wonderful benefits as well as so many pitfalls. It allows you to stay connected to people you love, like family and friends. And that is especially true if you aren't living in the same state or if you are military and always moving around. It allows for more real time updates and people don't have to miss out on what's going on. You can make broad announcements like engagements and births in one place at one time. But all those great things also mean you don't or aren't keeping up in real life. It means you feel connected without actually being connected. It makes it easier for us to book ourselves solid with things like work or kids and not have to carve out any time to maintain relationships because things like Face Book are doing it for us. It also takes out the personal aspect of one on one relationships because everyone can see everything. Everything people are saying to you, everything you are saying to them and everything you are researching and asking about in other areas such as "liked" pages or joined groups.
I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with Face Book. I love being able to share photos of my kids for people like my family and closest friends. I like being able to reach out when I am having a bad day and get those almost instant words of encouragement. But then I also stop and think, well if I had better in life personal relationships with these people they would see my kids more often or I could just pick up the phone for the words I need. Do you see the issue now?
Before moving to Kansas in 2009 I refused to even look at Face Book. But when we got orders I realized I was going to need a way to stay in better contact with Colorado because frankly I was devastated that I was leaving. In the beginning it was pretty awesome. I had the connection online, but was still maintaining the personal one through phone calls and texts with many. When I had my first miscarriage shortly after Skip deployed I was able to pick up the phone and call anyone and they were there for me. I never felt like I had to give it a second thought. Within a year of that one and having my second I can say that feeling of just picking up the phone was gone. It was strange and weird. Skip was home for that one, yet I felt more alone dealing with it than I had before. Then my pregnancy with Fiona happened. It was definitely less exciting as far as people involved, but I chalked that up to living in a different state. I still had some fabulous personal relationships with neighbors and friends out there so I didn't think too much of it. I certainly remember getting texts, calls and cards when she was born. Then we got the orders back to Colorado. Man was I excited. So were so many people. I couldn't wait!! I would have a life again. I would see people again. I would be doing things. Social media was no longer going to be my social outlet.
Slap the breaks on that. Since I have been back I have seen my friends less than 10 times. Phone calls and texting have plummeted and Face Book has become the main source of communication. I'm not really sure what happened. It just did. I know I am personally reluctant to pick up the phone and call or text. So maybe its just me. Maybe I have single-handedly killed my own relationships. Or maybe people just forgot I was back. I moved out of the circle and came back to no room. And that is understandable as well. We all move on and life changes.
The reason I got to thinking all of this is because since Phoebe was born I have had ONE visitor that is not family. I have received ONE phone call from someone who is not family congratulating me. I have received 2 cards, one from Skip's deployed unit and one from his ex-wife. The last text I got from anyone that isn't family was June 19th. It's been a horrible wake up call. Its also been a reality check.
If I quit social media today, who would notice? Who would pick up a phone and call me? Who would I call or think about. What relationships would I maintain? I don't really know. But if I quit, what would I miss? Who would I miss? It's like a double edged sword.
Face Book has let me stay connected while I was away. It lead me to new people and groups as well. It has given me knowledge through those new found groups. I've connected with people I wouldn't have known otherwise. I think maybe I am old enough to know and value real face to face friendship, but also young enough to value digital friendships as well. It's a strange place to be. I am not sure I like the way friendships are fostered now, but in this day and age its the "in" thing. I miss my face to face friendships. I feel like I have forgotten how to make them work. I have added 2 kids and quit working since I was last proficient in dating my friends. I am missing something and I don't know how to fix it.
Or maybe the person I have become is not the friend people want. I may have to just face the fact that I am on the out because I have outgrown the past relationships and it's time to move on and seek new ones.
I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with Face Book. I love being able to share photos of my kids for people like my family and closest friends. I like being able to reach out when I am having a bad day and get those almost instant words of encouragement. But then I also stop and think, well if I had better in life personal relationships with these people they would see my kids more often or I could just pick up the phone for the words I need. Do you see the issue now?
Before moving to Kansas in 2009 I refused to even look at Face Book. But when we got orders I realized I was going to need a way to stay in better contact with Colorado because frankly I was devastated that I was leaving. In the beginning it was pretty awesome. I had the connection online, but was still maintaining the personal one through phone calls and texts with many. When I had my first miscarriage shortly after Skip deployed I was able to pick up the phone and call anyone and they were there for me. I never felt like I had to give it a second thought. Within a year of that one and having my second I can say that feeling of just picking up the phone was gone. It was strange and weird. Skip was home for that one, yet I felt more alone dealing with it than I had before. Then my pregnancy with Fiona happened. It was definitely less exciting as far as people involved, but I chalked that up to living in a different state. I still had some fabulous personal relationships with neighbors and friends out there so I didn't think too much of it. I certainly remember getting texts, calls and cards when she was born. Then we got the orders back to Colorado. Man was I excited. So were so many people. I couldn't wait!! I would have a life again. I would see people again. I would be doing things. Social media was no longer going to be my social outlet.
Slap the breaks on that. Since I have been back I have seen my friends less than 10 times. Phone calls and texting have plummeted and Face Book has become the main source of communication. I'm not really sure what happened. It just did. I know I am personally reluctant to pick up the phone and call or text. So maybe its just me. Maybe I have single-handedly killed my own relationships. Or maybe people just forgot I was back. I moved out of the circle and came back to no room. And that is understandable as well. We all move on and life changes.
The reason I got to thinking all of this is because since Phoebe was born I have had ONE visitor that is not family. I have received ONE phone call from someone who is not family congratulating me. I have received 2 cards, one from Skip's deployed unit and one from his ex-wife. The last text I got from anyone that isn't family was June 19th. It's been a horrible wake up call. Its also been a reality check.
If I quit social media today, who would notice? Who would pick up a phone and call me? Who would I call or think about. What relationships would I maintain? I don't really know. But if I quit, what would I miss? Who would I miss? It's like a double edged sword.
Face Book has let me stay connected while I was away. It lead me to new people and groups as well. It has given me knowledge through those new found groups. I've connected with people I wouldn't have known otherwise. I think maybe I am old enough to know and value real face to face friendship, but also young enough to value digital friendships as well. It's a strange place to be. I am not sure I like the way friendships are fostered now, but in this day and age its the "in" thing. I miss my face to face friendships. I feel like I have forgotten how to make them work. I have added 2 kids and quit working since I was last proficient in dating my friends. I am missing something and I don't know how to fix it.
Or maybe the person I have become is not the friend people want. I may have to just face the fact that I am on the out because I have outgrown the past relationships and it's time to move on and seek new ones.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
I'm Just Not Feeling it This Year...
It's December 13th and I still don't feel the Christmas Spirit. I thought by now I'd feel something, a little excitement or anticipation maybe? Nothing. We got the tree, decorated it and all. Aiden has been listening to Christmas music and telling me about how excited he is. Maybe the child in me has finally grown up and doesn't see the importance in a majorly marketed holiday such as Christmas.
"Its about giving, not receiving" they all say. Well why is it so important just once a year to give? Why are we giving crap made in China that's just going to collect some dust after a few uses? My house is packed with crap. I can understand and completely respect that people love to give at Christmas and it makes them feel good. Yes, it's one time a year we all remember to give something to the people we love and we should all feel good about that. It's the drive to feel obligated that jades me. If I don't go shopping to provide people with stuff, will they think less of me? Will they wonder what they did wrong? Does it even matter if I shop for anyone?
I'd rather spend my time and a little of my money enjoying a big cooked meal with people I care about, who aren't going to stress me out. Maybe this whole thing stems from the fact that for 3 holiday seasons I have felt free of holiday obligation because I have been over 400 miles from home and it was all wonderfully stress free. In all honesty there is only ONE part of my family that I even want to entertain the thought of being with on Christmas and that's my dad and his wife. There is just no pressure or stress there, yet I am already trying to con myself out of 2 other visits cause I just don't want to deal with it. It's too much.
This year I already feel like my family has everything it needs or wants. We are all fabulously healthy. We had an amazing birth this year after two heart jerking losses and we do not have to endure another deployment. We are pretty complete. We are not left wanting for anything this year. For me, that's Christmas enough.
I am sending cards, I want people to know I am thinking of them and hoping their family and lives are as complete as mine. I probably won't be baking this year. I don't really have the time or energy for it and honestly I don't think anyone really needs to add more crap to their system than is already going to be there. I have a special handmade gift planned for family members and that's about it.
In a world losing its compassion for each other, a world of increasing consumerism and greed and a world divided on everything including the meaning of Christmas, I just can't feel happy about the holiday in general. I feel happy about my family's accomplishments this year and being closer to people who I am thankful for. Christmas will come and I will be thankful my son has a sparkle in his eye over his new treasures, even if I don't pack the tree with useless stuff. I will think back to my childhood and remember the anticipation of waiting for the day to come and be happy that we have it together enough to provide the kids with a worry free holiday. I will be happy my husband is home again this season and not thousands of miles away in a war zone eating a holiday meal in a chow hall.
I wish everyone a stress free December and please don't go broke over expectations. The only thing anyone should expect from you is your love and support of them and that's all you should expect in return.
"Its about giving, not receiving" they all say. Well why is it so important just once a year to give? Why are we giving crap made in China that's just going to collect some dust after a few uses? My house is packed with crap. I can understand and completely respect that people love to give at Christmas and it makes them feel good. Yes, it's one time a year we all remember to give something to the people we love and we should all feel good about that. It's the drive to feel obligated that jades me. If I don't go shopping to provide people with stuff, will they think less of me? Will they wonder what they did wrong? Does it even matter if I shop for anyone?
I'd rather spend my time and a little of my money enjoying a big cooked meal with people I care about, who aren't going to stress me out. Maybe this whole thing stems from the fact that for 3 holiday seasons I have felt free of holiday obligation because I have been over 400 miles from home and it was all wonderfully stress free. In all honesty there is only ONE part of my family that I even want to entertain the thought of being with on Christmas and that's my dad and his wife. There is just no pressure or stress there, yet I am already trying to con myself out of 2 other visits cause I just don't want to deal with it. It's too much.
This year I already feel like my family has everything it needs or wants. We are all fabulously healthy. We had an amazing birth this year after two heart jerking losses and we do not have to endure another deployment. We are pretty complete. We are not left wanting for anything this year. For me, that's Christmas enough.
I am sending cards, I want people to know I am thinking of them and hoping their family and lives are as complete as mine. I probably won't be baking this year. I don't really have the time or energy for it and honestly I don't think anyone really needs to add more crap to their system than is already going to be there. I have a special handmade gift planned for family members and that's about it.
In a world losing its compassion for each other, a world of increasing consumerism and greed and a world divided on everything including the meaning of Christmas, I just can't feel happy about the holiday in general. I feel happy about my family's accomplishments this year and being closer to people who I am thankful for. Christmas will come and I will be thankful my son has a sparkle in his eye over his new treasures, even if I don't pack the tree with useless stuff. I will think back to my childhood and remember the anticipation of waiting for the day to come and be happy that we have it together enough to provide the kids with a worry free holiday. I will be happy my husband is home again this season and not thousands of miles away in a war zone eating a holiday meal in a chow hall.
I wish everyone a stress free December and please don't go broke over expectations. The only thing anyone should expect from you is your love and support of them and that's all you should expect in return.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Your Kids Need to Talk Back, and You Should Respect That
Talking back, we did it as kids. Our kids are doing it to us. How were you handled? How do you deal with talking back in your home? I think the way our parents dealt with it and the way we choose to deal with it will have a direct effect on the way our children interact with us as adults. We all want kids that grow into confident adults that are not afraid to speak their peace when they do or don't agree with something, right? We want them to protect themselves against negative comments and to stand up for others when their voice cannot be heard. What of that meant standing up to you? Protecting their interests from your thoughts and opinions? What about protecting themselves from other people in the family or even standing up for a family members choices? Can you accept that someday your child may need this skill, that someday they may need to put you in your place because your ideas are different?
I don't think any of us wants to think a day will come that we will be told by our own that we are wrong, that we have hurt their feelings or what we taught them as a child doesn't have a positive effect on their now adult life. Talk about a blow to the ego! But we plan to spend the next 18 or so years as their providers, protectors and teachers. So the least we can do is give them the skill to stand up to us, their biggest critic, their heroes and their superiors. And because we are the adults, we should be proud of them for speaking their minds and protecting their interests and well being, even if its protecting them from us.
I think many of us feel torn between being good and kind to our parents and taking crap from them that we would not accept from other people versus just telling them how it is. How many times have you felt like just telling a family member how it is, but didn't because you were afraid of backlash or punishment? Maybe you have even felt your values become compromised because you feel like you can't say anything. Lets not set our kids up for this kind of frustration.
Let your kids question you. Let your kids suggest something different. Let them express their anger or sadness with you. There is nothing wrong with taking 5 more minutes to explain your decision to a child who is not on the same level as you. There is nothing wrong with listening to a suggestion and if warranted worked into a new solution. It's ok for your kid to cry or be mad because something isn't going their way, don't get mad because they are a kid and should understand.
Accept anything you can within reason. Just as we would not expect an adult to voice their opinion in a violent or disrespectful way, its fine to teach our kids there are right ways and wrong ways to protest, but protest is acceptable. If you can provide your kids a safe and respectful way to communicate what they don't agree with now, they will be better able to do the same as adults and you will be better prepared to respect that from them. Safe, effective communication cannot happen when one party fears the other.
Now off the soapbox,
I bring this up because as an adult this is an issue I have struggled with. I speak with people EVERYDAY that cannot stand up for themselves against family or cannot protect those not present to hear. I think its a tragedy really. I don't ever want to be the person that hurts my children at any age, but I don't want to be the person that doesn't know because my kids were too afraid to tell me because of the way I raised them.
Teach your kids how to communicate with adults now so they won't feel like children forever around you.
I don't think any of us wants to think a day will come that we will be told by our own that we are wrong, that we have hurt their feelings or what we taught them as a child doesn't have a positive effect on their now adult life. Talk about a blow to the ego! But we plan to spend the next 18 or so years as their providers, protectors and teachers. So the least we can do is give them the skill to stand up to us, their biggest critic, their heroes and their superiors. And because we are the adults, we should be proud of them for speaking their minds and protecting their interests and well being, even if its protecting them from us.
I think many of us feel torn between being good and kind to our parents and taking crap from them that we would not accept from other people versus just telling them how it is. How many times have you felt like just telling a family member how it is, but didn't because you were afraid of backlash or punishment? Maybe you have even felt your values become compromised because you feel like you can't say anything. Lets not set our kids up for this kind of frustration.
Let your kids question you. Let your kids suggest something different. Let them express their anger or sadness with you. There is nothing wrong with taking 5 more minutes to explain your decision to a child who is not on the same level as you. There is nothing wrong with listening to a suggestion and if warranted worked into a new solution. It's ok for your kid to cry or be mad because something isn't going their way, don't get mad because they are a kid and should understand.
Accept anything you can within reason. Just as we would not expect an adult to voice their opinion in a violent or disrespectful way, its fine to teach our kids there are right ways and wrong ways to protest, but protest is acceptable. If you can provide your kids a safe and respectful way to communicate what they don't agree with now, they will be better able to do the same as adults and you will be better prepared to respect that from them. Safe, effective communication cannot happen when one party fears the other.
Now off the soapbox,
I bring this up because as an adult this is an issue I have struggled with. I speak with people EVERYDAY that cannot stand up for themselves against family or cannot protect those not present to hear. I think its a tragedy really. I don't ever want to be the person that hurts my children at any age, but I don't want to be the person that doesn't know because my kids were too afraid to tell me because of the way I raised them.
Teach your kids how to communicate with adults now so they won't feel like children forever around you.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Number 3 and Beyond, Where's the Celebration?
I was having a phone conversation with someone the other day and the following was said,"Oh guess who got herself knocked up, again..." I thought for a few moments about the mutual people we know and was stumped about who could possibly deserve such harsh words. "It's So and So, what the Hell was she thinking? It hasn't even been 6 months since the last one and she already has 2."
It struck me at this very moment that we no longer celebrate large families. Once you get past baby number 2 everyone thinks you are crazy and there is no need for more. Its a VERY common topic brought up in a private pregnancy and birth group I have been part of for some time. Women are announcing pregnancies 3 and beyond to a bunch of semi anonymous people before their families. Why? Because of the reaction. No one is excited. No one really offers help anymore. I guess they figure you've had 2, you must be able to manage.
And Lord help you if you find yourself "knocked up" before the end of the first year after your last! You can bet the comments about birth control and being bored are gonna by flying faster than the speed of light! You will get looked at like you are nuts, people will flat out call you crazy. The best part is you will here these things before you are congratulated. I think that's so very sad.
Every pregnancy and baby counts. From number one to however many each woman becomes blessed with. Yes, maybe some pregnancies come at bad times or maybe the mother TRULY cannot and perhaps should not have more, but its not the fault of the child. Regardless, she is still pregnant and is STILL going thru the same things as 1 and 2. Her body is still be torn apart by hormones, her body is still undergoing the most massive changes that it can in a short 40 weeks to prepare to bring forth life again. She still deserves respect and support.
There was a time when families were bigger, incomes were less, food was not so abundant and homes were half the size or less of our modern mansions. The 2.5 kid household of today is not the norm. So smile for larger families. Offer your support and encouragement and show these women they aren't losers for having more than 2 kids. It hurts to be criticized over something so profound in life. She may not need a baby shower, but she could use a girls get together to celebrate together. Children are worth every second of it.
It struck me at this very moment that we no longer celebrate large families. Once you get past baby number 2 everyone thinks you are crazy and there is no need for more. Its a VERY common topic brought up in a private pregnancy and birth group I have been part of for some time. Women are announcing pregnancies 3 and beyond to a bunch of semi anonymous people before their families. Why? Because of the reaction. No one is excited. No one really offers help anymore. I guess they figure you've had 2, you must be able to manage.
And Lord help you if you find yourself "knocked up" before the end of the first year after your last! You can bet the comments about birth control and being bored are gonna by flying faster than the speed of light! You will get looked at like you are nuts, people will flat out call you crazy. The best part is you will here these things before you are congratulated. I think that's so very sad.
Every pregnancy and baby counts. From number one to however many each woman becomes blessed with. Yes, maybe some pregnancies come at bad times or maybe the mother TRULY cannot and perhaps should not have more, but its not the fault of the child. Regardless, she is still pregnant and is STILL going thru the same things as 1 and 2. Her body is still be torn apart by hormones, her body is still undergoing the most massive changes that it can in a short 40 weeks to prepare to bring forth life again. She still deserves respect and support.
There was a time when families were bigger, incomes were less, food was not so abundant and homes were half the size or less of our modern mansions. The 2.5 kid household of today is not the norm. So smile for larger families. Offer your support and encouragement and show these women they aren't losers for having more than 2 kids. It hurts to be criticized over something so profound in life. She may not need a baby shower, but she could use a girls get together to celebrate together. Children are worth every second of it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
9/11. United We Stand?
Two thousand, nine hundred ninety six(2,996) people were killed on September 11th, 2001. That number includes the supposed 19 that plotted the event. Since then six thousand, five hundred sixty-eight(6,568) of our service members have died in the two wars that followed for the next ten years. Over one hundred thousand(>100,000) Iraqi civilians have been killed(that's innocent men, women and children). Approximately twelve thousand five hundred(12,500)Afghan civilians have died(innocent men, women and children). Since 9/11 there has been death, a lot of it. These numbers will not stop growing
Of the 2,977 Americans killed that day in the towers, how many do you think would have wanted to see near 7,000 more Americans killed for their justice? Is that justice? To lose more men and women than the original event? Of those 2,977 Americans killed that day, how many do you think would have wanted to see well over 100,000 civilians killed for their justice? What person do you know that would stand up and call for more death? For more destruction? For more pain and sorrow?
In a country founded on Christian beliefs, a country where our money is stamped, "In God we trust" we sure do everything we can to not spread the message of love and peace we are supposed to live and breathe by. Our elected officials can always be quoted saying "God Bless America", but what empty words they are. What work are we doing that is God's work? What message is this country sending it's people, its youth? What message are we sending the world? The message is horrific to me. A message of death, of no compassion, messages of hate. I have to grow old in this world. My kids have to grow up in this world.
9/11 is a date. A day everyone thinks they are coming together. A day people think about putting a flag out. A day everyone sends messages of "love" and "support" to the people that died in the towers and the planes. We think that we have done our American duty with this support and we truck on with our everyday lives. But today really effects the people who are left behind without their loved ones. A day they have to remember year after year. It effects all the people who have lost loved ones during the 10 years of war that have followed. They have to remember that their loss was caused by this day year after year. It effects people like me, I have a husband that has served 18 years in the Armed Forces, two deployments with a third pending. I have to remember that this date is why we have the hardships we have, why my heart sinks with fear that he will never return and why he struggles to be normal after 2 deployments.
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The problem with 9/11 is not only has it killed scores of people AFTER the fact, it has physically maimed people and mentally ruined others. But is it really 9/11 that did that or is it the people of this country that allowed it to become what it has? If we had stood up and marched for the values this country is supposed to stand for, what would the death toll look like? If we had stood up and removed Bush, Congress and the Senate from office for going against the best interest of this country, what would we look like 11 years later? I cannot imagine it would be anything like it is today. What would today look like if we had in fact STOOD UNITED?
In a way I suppose the country did stand together to do nothing about it. I guess we are okay with being a war machine intent on killing everything in our path. We are okay with being controlled by this date because it gives us something to come together on, being terrorized on our own soil for the sake of perceived safety from other countries that want to do us in. So yes, I guess you can say as a country we stand united, just not in the way we are tricking ourselves into thinking.
United We Stand behind our TV's, behind the dollar bill, behind our own deceptions and lies. United We Stand behind the things we own, the things we buy and the things we want. United We Stand while divided behind religion, race, creed, sexual orientation, net worth, and so many others. United We Stand in thinking we are all actually united in this whole mess we put ourselves in.
When America truly becomes united we will see changes that no one ever thought was possible. I would like to hope that I see that in my lifetime, but I fear it's not to be.
Of the 2,977 Americans killed that day in the towers, how many do you think would have wanted to see near 7,000 more Americans killed for their justice? Is that justice? To lose more men and women than the original event? Of those 2,977 Americans killed that day, how many do you think would have wanted to see well over 100,000 civilians killed for their justice? What person do you know that would stand up and call for more death? For more destruction? For more pain and sorrow?
Matthew 5:39, But I am saying to you, you shall not rise up against an evil person, but whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him also the other
In a country founded on Christian beliefs, a country where our money is stamped, "In God we trust" we sure do everything we can to not spread the message of love and peace we are supposed to live and breathe by. Our elected officials can always be quoted saying "God Bless America", but what empty words they are. What work are we doing that is God's work? What message is this country sending it's people, its youth? What message are we sending the world? The message is horrific to me. A message of death, of no compassion, messages of hate. I have to grow old in this world. My kids have to grow up in this world.
9/11 is a date. A day everyone thinks they are coming together. A day people think about putting a flag out. A day everyone sends messages of "love" and "support" to the people that died in the towers and the planes. We think that we have done our American duty with this support and we truck on with our everyday lives. But today really effects the people who are left behind without their loved ones. A day they have to remember year after year. It effects all the people who have lost loved ones during the 10 years of war that have followed. They have to remember that their loss was caused by this day year after year. It effects people like me, I have a husband that has served 18 years in the Armed Forces, two deployments with a third pending. I have to remember that this date is why we have the hardships we have, why my heart sinks with fear that he will never return and why he struggles to be normal after 2 deployments.
.jpg)
The problem with 9/11 is not only has it killed scores of people AFTER the fact, it has physically maimed people and mentally ruined others. But is it really 9/11 that did that or is it the people of this country that allowed it to become what it has? If we had stood up and marched for the values this country is supposed to stand for, what would the death toll look like? If we had stood up and removed Bush, Congress and the Senate from office for going against the best interest of this country, what would we look like 11 years later? I cannot imagine it would be anything like it is today. What would today look like if we had in fact STOOD UNITED?
In a way I suppose the country did stand together to do nothing about it. I guess we are okay with being a war machine intent on killing everything in our path. We are okay with being controlled by this date because it gives us something to come together on, being terrorized on our own soil for the sake of perceived safety from other countries that want to do us in. So yes, I guess you can say as a country we stand united, just not in the way we are tricking ourselves into thinking.
United We Stand behind our TV's, behind the dollar bill, behind our own deceptions and lies. United We Stand behind the things we own, the things we buy and the things we want. United We Stand while divided behind religion, race, creed, sexual orientation, net worth, and so many others. United We Stand in thinking we are all actually united in this whole mess we put ourselves in.
When America truly becomes united we will see changes that no one ever thought was possible. I would like to hope that I see that in my lifetime, but I fear it's not to be.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Putting the Brakes on Social Networking
A girl I met in my Bradley class posted on FB last week that she was taking a break from the site. She explained she wanted to work on her real life relationships with people that would actually show up to a dinner party. She removed all her photos and made everything private. I totally understand where she is coming from on this.
I love Facebook. It has been an amazing tool to keep in close contact with those I cannot see often and was even better when I left for Kansas and wasn't close to anybody. It kept me feeling close and left no pause or loneliness in the friend department. I've posted photos, opinions, crazy shit at the time I have seen it, important info and just anything to start a conversation with people I know and don't know.
I have kept up with happenings from people who have moved away that I would have probably otherwise lost contact with. It's been fun and interesting. But it's coming to an end for me. I realized last week that maybe half (and that's a big fat maybe)would indeed show up to a dinner party. Even fewer actually speak with me on the phone and some I haven't even seen in a few years. I have realized there is no opinion left to post. Not one bit of information left to educate anyone on.
I have come to a place in my life that I have discovered a strong calling and opinions on some unpopular subjects that really test the ability of others to see past what they have been taught otherwise and I do not think that staying within the realms of Facebook is going to actually change anyone. Nor do I really care to change the opinion of the people I know any longer. I've got a bigger audience out there to deal with.
So with all that in mind, I have decided that while I am not deactivating my account, I will no longer post updates. opinions studies, etc to Facebook. I may still make comments on others people's things, but my life is here in this blog and the real world. I am picking up a REAL camera again and taking actual photos of my life and they will go here. My blog. My personal place of sharing.
If you have the time to leave Facebook and visit me here, so be it. If you have the time to pick up the phone and text or call me, I'd love it. If you want to take the time to actually meet up, then you are one of few.
My Facebook wall is now private. I will respond to messages left there, in my inbox or on the messenger. If you see things here you wish to share, please feel free to share the link, but you will have to come here to get updates, I will no longer post the new links to FB.
The links to this blog, my business blog and the photo blog can all be found under my info.
Thanks Facebook, you have been awesome, but its time for me to step back and find what friends would actually drop what they are doing and help me out if I made that phone call.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Chick-Fil-A: Messages of Hate?
This past week CEO of Chick-Fil-A was quoted saying
It has turned in a bashing fest across America. People claiming the company "hates gays", calling for boycotting the company and so forth. Today an appreciation day was called in honor of the company for standing by their beliefs and having the right to say so. From what I can see in my own town as well as hearing about the event in others, people still support the company in a big way.
That statement does not speak one word of hate. It is simply a statement of belief. Since when is that hateful? Hate is an intense hostility and aversion to something. I see nothing of the sort in that statement.
What is hateful is the response of the public toward it. The anger over something this country was founded on, freedom to practice ones own religion. We are allowed to feel, think and speak our minds in this country. Yes, sometimes it offends. If we cannot be honest and express our feelings, morals and beliefs, then what freedom do we really have?
I am not religious. Not a single bit. I respect anyone who is and who has a deep relationship with G-d and it does not offend me. I enjoy learning about what drives them toward it, how it effects their lives, the values and depth of love it brings them. It's amazing really. But there are 2 kinds of Christians in this world, the kind that do not spread hateful messages in the name of their savior and the ones that do.
Its that second group of people you have to watch out for. I've known parties in both camps and the ones that have a true love and understanding of their religion are really very amazing people. They literally could not do any harm or be hateful if their lives depended on it. They harbor no ill fate for anyone or anything. They simply go about their lives with the love of the Lord in their hearts. That is how it should be.
Chick-Fil-A did not say or intend anything hateful. They exercised their rights to speak and follow a religion, the foundation of this country. To go about a nasty, ugly rant about and spread words of hate, well that my friends is flat out un-American and not very Christian like.
At the end of the day, marriage between two men or two women is not being held back by religion, it's being held back by government. Don't get mad at the God loving folks, get pissed at your elected officials who have no business regulating marriage. This is a free country after all, that includes freedom to love and marry whom you choose as long as its done in love and understanding.
"We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit, We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that."
It has turned in a bashing fest across America. People claiming the company "hates gays", calling for boycotting the company and so forth. Today an appreciation day was called in honor of the company for standing by their beliefs and having the right to say so. From what I can see in my own town as well as hearing about the event in others, people still support the company in a big way.
That statement does not speak one word of hate. It is simply a statement of belief. Since when is that hateful? Hate is an intense hostility and aversion to something. I see nothing of the sort in that statement.
What is hateful is the response of the public toward it. The anger over something this country was founded on, freedom to practice ones own religion. We are allowed to feel, think and speak our minds in this country. Yes, sometimes it offends. If we cannot be honest and express our feelings, morals and beliefs, then what freedom do we really have?
I am not religious. Not a single bit. I respect anyone who is and who has a deep relationship with G-d and it does not offend me. I enjoy learning about what drives them toward it, how it effects their lives, the values and depth of love it brings them. It's amazing really. But there are 2 kinds of Christians in this world, the kind that do not spread hateful messages in the name of their savior and the ones that do.
Its that second group of people you have to watch out for. I've known parties in both camps and the ones that have a true love and understanding of their religion are really very amazing people. They literally could not do any harm or be hateful if their lives depended on it. They harbor no ill fate for anyone or anything. They simply go about their lives with the love of the Lord in their hearts. That is how it should be.
Chick-Fil-A did not say or intend anything hateful. They exercised their rights to speak and follow a religion, the foundation of this country. To go about a nasty, ugly rant about and spread words of hate, well that my friends is flat out un-American and not very Christian like.
At the end of the day, marriage between two men or two women is not being held back by religion, it's being held back by government. Don't get mad at the God loving folks, get pissed at your elected officials who have no business regulating marriage. This is a free country after all, that includes freedom to love and marry whom you choose as long as its done in love and understanding.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Another Doctor Fail
Anyone who knows me knows that I am, without a doubt, against doctors. I believe in many cases they are out for as much of your money as they can get with minimal effort in getting it. I feel like they think they know more about my body than I do and are more capable of telling me how I feel than me telling them and being heard. I have been subject to sub-par care while I was an adult with no health insurance VS having the same life altering issue taken seriously when I had insurance. I have had experience with a great doctor or 2, but the majority have left me wondering why the in Hell I bothered going in. With the exception of actual emergencies or illness that time won't seem to heal, I have a pretty strict no doctor, no medicine policy.
With that out of the way, I was seen by a doctor not once, but twice in the past week. The first was a trip to the ER due to a very severe dizzy spell that lasted for hours and the second at a routine appointment I made 2 weeks ago because I have not been well and decided it was actually time to see someone who might be able to help. Trust me, you know its serious when I make the appointment.
Over the past 2 months I have lost all my stamina. I have pretty bad joint pain(I'm talking all my joints, fingers and toes included). My hair is falling out in quantities that are out of this world and I have started gaining weight for no reason. I exercise through the pain and exhaustion 4-5 times a week and my eating habits have no changed in a way that would cause the weight gain. I am not myself. I have never felt this way and clearly that needs to be looked at.
So at the ER in addition to seeing me for the dizzy spell they went ahead and started a few blood panels. The doctor only looked me in the eye and chilled out after not introducing himself when I started questioning the meds he wanted to give me to stop the dizziness. Suddenly he was like, Wow, informed patient and became very nice and talkative and answered all my questions. But what if I had not been that type, would he have continued to roll right over the top of me without explaining anything?
Monday I went in to see my doctor about the other issues. She first informed me that the blood panels ordered were not complete and I would need another draw, secondly the ER said my blood work came back fine when in fact my white blood cell count was elevated enough to make the doctor concerned and want to recheck it. Wow, way to fail the patient ER. Now, I went on to tell this doctor about all my symptoms. She said she had no idea where to start. Listened to my heart and lungs and sent me to the lab. THAT'S IT. She did not ask more questions, she didn't feel any of my joints or check movement. NOTHING. She didn't ask more about the hair loss, she didn't ask about my diet when weight GAIN was a concern.
How is she supposed to help me? SO here I am with as much information as I had prior to the appointment, less blood and a blown vein. So I guess unless the blood work is glowing some weird color with the issue spelled out I won't be getting answers anytime soon. She was however nice to ask if I wanted pain pills to manage the pain. I declined and said I didn't want a cover up, I wanted answers.
Screw Doctors. They don't know shit.
***UPDATE 7/21 Received a call saying all my blood work came back normal. I should call and make another appt if my symptoms don't get better. Well they aren't better and do I want to subject myself to another appointment where chances are I will again not get any answers?
With that out of the way, I was seen by a doctor not once, but twice in the past week. The first was a trip to the ER due to a very severe dizzy spell that lasted for hours and the second at a routine appointment I made 2 weeks ago because I have not been well and decided it was actually time to see someone who might be able to help. Trust me, you know its serious when I make the appointment.
Over the past 2 months I have lost all my stamina. I have pretty bad joint pain(I'm talking all my joints, fingers and toes included). My hair is falling out in quantities that are out of this world and I have started gaining weight for no reason. I exercise through the pain and exhaustion 4-5 times a week and my eating habits have no changed in a way that would cause the weight gain. I am not myself. I have never felt this way and clearly that needs to be looked at.
So at the ER in addition to seeing me for the dizzy spell they went ahead and started a few blood panels. The doctor only looked me in the eye and chilled out after not introducing himself when I started questioning the meds he wanted to give me to stop the dizziness. Suddenly he was like, Wow, informed patient and became very nice and talkative and answered all my questions. But what if I had not been that type, would he have continued to roll right over the top of me without explaining anything?
Monday I went in to see my doctor about the other issues. She first informed me that the blood panels ordered were not complete and I would need another draw, secondly the ER said my blood work came back fine when in fact my white blood cell count was elevated enough to make the doctor concerned and want to recheck it. Wow, way to fail the patient ER. Now, I went on to tell this doctor about all my symptoms. She said she had no idea where to start. Listened to my heart and lungs and sent me to the lab. THAT'S IT. She did not ask more questions, she didn't feel any of my joints or check movement. NOTHING. She didn't ask more about the hair loss, she didn't ask about my diet when weight GAIN was a concern.
How is she supposed to help me? SO here I am with as much information as I had prior to the appointment, less blood and a blown vein. So I guess unless the blood work is glowing some weird color with the issue spelled out I won't be getting answers anytime soon. She was however nice to ask if I wanted pain pills to manage the pain. I declined and said I didn't want a cover up, I wanted answers.
Screw Doctors. They don't know shit.
***UPDATE 7/21 Received a call saying all my blood work came back normal. I should call and make another appt if my symptoms don't get better. Well they aren't better and do I want to subject myself to another appointment where chances are I will again not get any answers?
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