Forgetting Social Beauty Standards

I will be 33 this year. I am finally 100% comfortable in my own skin.  I sincerely don't care what anyone may or may not think of me unless they are my husband. He's the only earthly person I live to keep happy and satisfied. I am quite happy and satisfied in this.

He is a simple person and likes things just simple. I enjoy not having to worry about the expectation of high maintenance that I probably could never live up to, nor do I desire it. I don't do make-up and fancy clothing. I haven't brushed my hair in two and a half years and I cannot even remember the last time I plucked or waxed my eye brows.

I am also a mother to 4 kids who will learn beauty standards for women from me first hand. One young man that may very well seek women similar to me and 3 girls looking up to and mimicking what I am. That's a huge responsibility and I have thought long and hard on it. So I want to share a story of my own coming into the reality of social beauty standards.

When I was a young 4th grader I longed to shave.  Man I hated the dark hair on my legs! My mom had one of those fancy Gillette razors always in view and fun shaving gel. She had long, smooth legs and I wanted them too. But at age 9 she really didn't think I was ready for such responsibility and nor should I have been at such a young age.  I came home devastated from school one day because my friend (who later gave me lice and then stopped talking to me)said something to me about how hairy my legs were.  She was a dark hair and skinned Filipino girl who had no body hair at all.  I came home crying to my mom about it and she and my dad caved and let me start shaving, in the 4th grade! And so started my journey navigating social beauty standards. I was reminded all the time to shave by my mom and help me if I forgot and had any stubble. It became a big deal in my life. Not long after I plunged forward into maturity and also had to start shaving my under arms, one more thing I was always checked for and reminded of.

I have spent years on the hunt for body hair. For a long time I was also shaving my arms because I felt they too were too hairy for a woman and was embarrassed by the hair. It was terrible. I stopped shaving my arms a number of years ago and have no idea why I started, they aren't as bad as I seem to recall.

As most women I have kept up with the constant hair removal because it was an expectation set forth way back by Harper's Bazaar Magazine when they got in bed with Gillette to convince the women of America they needed to remove all their hair to be seen in more revealing clothing. (seriously Google it) I struggled through pregnancies to stay hair free, through postpartum and into new born baby days trying to keep it.  It was exhausting.

Then something happened.  One time while pregnant with Penny I shaved and got the worst rash of my life.  It scabbed over on my leg and underarms.  Bled and burned.  I chalked it up to a bad razor and let it heal.  All while feeling embarrassed and in pain.  I got new razors and tried again and AGAIN I got a horrible, bleeding rash. Could not believe it. It was fall going into winter so I thought hey no worries I can take a break, no one will see.  I checked over and over with SKip about it and he INSISTED it didn't matter to him. So I stopped until after Penny was born.  The very first time I shaved after, the rash was back. I couldn't believe it. I was forced at this time to really think about shaving and how important it was. I discovered, its not.  So I quit. Totally. No more shaving for me. The first summer after she was born I spent a lot of time worrying someone would stare or say something. I got back to the gym and worried that someone would notice my underarm hair and be revolted. But nothing ever happened. No one ever stared, never made a face, never said anything.

So I really got to thinking about the beauty example I may be setting for my girls, for my son. I don't want any of them ever thinking hair removal is a must to be attractive. It really should be an option we make based on our own likes and dislikes and not what someone else may say or think.  If its something they want to try, go for it.  I wont be looking at their legs and under arms every day telling them to keep up with it. I'd like my son to be ok with a partner they may opt out and not put that kind of pressure on her.

Its been at least a year since I last tried to shave.  I can tell you my skin is still very sensitive, so I am pretty sure I can expect the same issue. That's ok with me because I don't even have the desire to try anyways. With 4 kids and a husband I don't have the time to worry about such things much less spend the time doing them.

Take 30 days off and see how you feel.