Its Still Legal, Are You Outraged?

Its election time.  The radio, the television and even the online adds are dominated by political adds. Many being candidates slamming the other for their hate of women and the right to do as they will with their bodies and that of their babies fetuses. It's getting old, really fast. Planned Parenthood has their cronies standing around encouraging people's votes, the few times I have been witness to it they have been gay men in pink shirts lobbying for "women's rights". It's really pretty sickening and discouraging to see. I see it as a destruction of womanly power. Telling women they can't be mothers, they can't make selfless choices through adoption.

I've got a bit of a series planned for this topic. Discussing abortion laws, abortion in rape and incest cases and abortion VS the life of the mother topic. But I want to talk about a bit about my pregnancy today, the biological factors and why abortion should be seen as ending life from scientific point of view as I think the majority of society gets bombarded by why G-d says you shouldn't.

As of this writing I am not quite 25 weeks pregnant. The approximate head to toe length is 12 inches and weight is somewhere near 1.5lbs.  At this point if I were to go into labor and deliver my baby would have a 50% survival rate. In three more weeks that survival rate increases to more than 90%.

                                                               (source Dailymail.co.uk)

The baby featured is a little girl named Skyler.  She was born in the UK at 25 weeks gestation. You can click the photo source to read the story.  I wanted you to see what a 25 week old baby fetus looks like before going on.  Go ahead take her all in. She's beautiful and alive.

In the state of Colorado at this very point in my pregnancy(almost 25 weeks) I can call the abortion clinic in Denver and have an outpatient abortion with no waiting period.

I will repeat that, the state of Colorado says is legal for me to abort my baby fetus until I am 26 weeks pregnant. With no medical condition, without claiming rape or incest.  I can do it just because I want to. Even better is I don't have to have my husband's consent to do so.

Colorado will even issue a death certificate to babies born after 20 weeks that showed "signs of life" such as: heartbeat and voluntary muscle movement with or without the placenta still attached via umbilical cord. And furthermore a certificate can be filed for parents wishing it before 20 weeks.

To preform a late term abortion in most cases a procedure called Dilation and evacuation( D&E) is preformed.  It takes a couple of days to dilate the cervix enough to get the tools used up there.  The baby fetus will be killed and chopped into pieces for removal.

From Wikipedia:

The first step in a D&E is to dilate the cervix. This is often begun about a day before the surgical procedure, and often involves the insertion of multiple laminaria sticks into the cervix. Enlarging the opening of the cervix enables surgical instruments such as a curette or forceps to be inserted into the uterus.^[2]

The second step is to remove the fetus. Either a local anesthetic or general anesthesia is given to the woman. A cannula is passed into the uterus. The cannula is attached by tubing to a bottle and a pump that provides a vacuum to remove tissue from the uterus. Forceps are inserted into the uterus through the vagina and used to extract any remaining tissue. This is more likely in pregnancies of 16 weeks or more. A curette is used to scrape the lining of the uterus and remove tissue in the uterus. Lastly, the vacuum is used to ensure removal of fetal body remains in the uterus (such fetal remains can cause serious infections in the woman). The pieces of the fetal body are also examined to ensure that the entire fetus was removed.^[2]

Pieces removed. Yea, can you imagine little 25 week old Skyler up there removed from her mother's body in pieces?  Sounds a lot like the steps a serial murderer would go through. 

Do you still view it as my bodily right to do so? Is it not killing? Is it still just a "lump of tissue and cells"? Do you find aborting a baby that can live acceptable? Is it still a woman's "choice" to do this?

I've talked before about prenatal appointments that check for life and what vitals are checked that clarify life. We argue that just because something hasn't taken its first breath must mean it has no right to life. Even with a heartbeat and functioning organs. Even though the first thing that is often checked when a pregnancy is discovered are signs of life such as growth and heartbeats.

I've seen vets refuse to spay a pregnant dog because it would be "killing the puppies".  I've seen people outraged over the thought of spaying a female dog because "its not the puppies' fault". Seriously folks, its no question a pregnant animal has life in her, but a woman and we question it.

Its simple biology folks, a heart is beating by the time that pee stick confirms your suspicion. Its growing and developing and becoming a fully functional person. There is no rocket science behind it, it doesn't take decades of studying fetal development to know its alive.  It's not a benign tumor in there. Its not some lump of cells that just grows without a map or reason causing destruction and death.

I've got a week and a half to make up my mind in Colorado about the life of my baby fetus. 

If you are on the side of pro-choice please do women a favor, pick up a book that describes  pregnancy week by week such as "Your Pregnancy Week By Week" or even the book "From Conception to Birth" by Alexander Tsiaras, a beautifully composed book that shows photos at every stage and text of development.  I have both of these books if you want to look.

The same goes for pro-lifers.  You cannot be effective if you don't know pregnancy inside and out. You need to be prepared to provide knowledge, education and resources.

Make sure what you are promoting you are doing so with an educated opinion. It is ignorant otherwise.

Growing Up Sick: Her Illness

This post is a pre-story to my feelings on being diagnosed with a disease that will more than likely never go away and get worse as I age. To understand why I feel the way I feel I have to go back to the way I grew up and the only experience I have with chronic illness, my mother's.



I remember she always bought caffeine free soda, didn't drink coffee or eat chocolate.  If she did get chocolate at the grocery store it was always white. I asked one time why she did these things and she told me it was because she had a heart problem.  Something called mitral valve prolapse. She said caffeine would make her heart beat too fast and it could make her very sick. That is my earliest memory of her illness that I would later discover in my adulthood to be a propagated lie. Caffeine and chocolate are now a staple of her life as she claims the prolapse went away.

Her illness really set in and took hold of our lives while our family was stationed in Hawaii in the early/mid 90's and she started going to the hospital by ambulance on what seemed to be a regular basis( I was about 11 at this point). One of my most vivid and scary memories of this time was when my dad picked my brother and I up from school and took us to see her at the hospital.  He told us they had to do a procedure where they cut open her leg and because of that she now had a wooden leg(thanks dad, scared the crap out of us). The procedure was a cardiac catheterization, something she would go on to have more times than I can count through out the life of her problems. It was at that point she started seeing a doctor more and more and she became more and more angry at them for not diagnosing her with something more serious than panic attack syndrome. She was absolutely convinced she had a major heart issue and no one was paying attention.  Our family suffered a great deal due to her delusions.

When we moved back state side to Colorado mom and dad divorced and we went on to struggle through her issues.  For a while it appeared to calm down and take a back seat to her needing to get straight enough to support my brother and I, but once it returned it came back with a very scary vengeance. It became a heart problem mixed with a very serious mental disorder that left my brother and I fending for ourselves and me dodging accusations of all kinds. Doctors continued to hold to their claim of panic attack disorder and she continued to fight them on it.  They put her on medication that she would take and then walk around the house acting as if she was hallucinating and seeing dead people. She would have to call in to work and recover from each episode.  The ambulance would continue to show up every time she had chest pains and was having a "heart attack".

At some point she became obsessed with how she looked. She began smoking and taking large amounts of diet pills.  Dropping weight quite rapidly. She began dating someone new before quitting her current relationship.  He found out and put us out of his house. Again, the health issues toned down as she needed to get her life back in order and didn't want to scare off her new love interest. Once he was hooked it all started again.  She continued to get thinner and thinner, she smoked more and more and was buying diet pills, shakes and foods like her life line. She was hardly even eating actual food at dinner time.

I was 17 years old when her first major heart incident happened that landed her in the ICU.  She tells everyone it was a heart attack, yet non of us actually heard those words from her doctor's mouth. I have absolutely no idea how many times after this we were in the hospital, how much work she lost and how much of her story was a lie. She wasn't quite 40 and the story she always told was," I always knew I was going to have a heart attack by the time I was 40."  She has maintained this belief until this day and tells everyone the doctors failed her by diagnosing her with panic disorder.

I've been blamed for her "heart attack", I was called insensitive when I stopped falling for the made up issues and unwarranted hospital visits. She's managed 3 surgeries for a pace maker, countless ER visits, being kicked out of one of the best cardiac clinics in town and has sucked countless people into her plight. She's claimed to have had "mini strokes" on a number of occasions, although we have never heard these words from doctors.  Her job has made up positions for her to fill over the years when she had FMLA status and was always missing work.  Why she was never let go I will never understand. I have been pulled back and forth like a rag doll and finally cut loose from her games for not buying it.  Often I am now the last to know when she's been hospitalized.

Looking over this and I realize this is a minuscule peek into the world of illness I have lived with her for more than 15 years. I've lost more memory of the things that have occurred to make space for the new than I can ever think to go back and retrace. But it all has left a lasting effect on the way I view illness in myself and others. Often I struggle with self acceptance and feeling sympathetic to those who are struggling with an illness they may have no say over. I am often numbed and angered by chronic illness. My life was shredded by something fabricated and self inflicted for a very long time and I still deal with its lingering effects.

Complaining Mothers

Taking on the role of mother is a full time job with ridiculous amounts of overtime. Hell, we never get to clock out. This goes for the woman who stays home as well as the woman who also juggles a job or career outside the home. It's full of crazy ups and downs. Days of extreme stress and disappointment. It exhausts you and energizes you. It's also more frustrating then any job I have held outside the home. So frustrating and stressful in fact that I often find the need to vent about the little beasts I am preparing for the world.

There's the all night wake ups, the extra early rising, the excessive bodily fluids, over the top screaming fits, random crying, head bonking, finger smashing and couch falling. There are days that the crying never seems to end and you can do nothing to make the kids happy. Days of loud music to drown it all out because you just don't know how much more crying you can take. Chores get neglected and you can't even remember when the last time was you ran the dishes, did laundry or cleaned your hair. This is just a small bit of what I deal with in my home with 3 healthy kids. Imagine the extra challenges of those dealing with special needs like Autism or physical disabilities.

So as a public service announcement I would like to say that as a mother I have a RIGHT to complain and vent my frustrations about raising my kids, my job as a mother. Just as any person holding a job has the right to vent about their frustrating day.  We don't need to hear:

Well you chose to have them

You choose to stay home with them.

Maybe you should have thought about that before having more.

You think it's hard now, wait till the next one comes.

No one said having kids was easy.

No one forced you to have them.



I could go on with the list of rude things uttered to women who just need to vent about raising their kids.  All things we wouldn't dare say to someone complaining about their bad day at work. I wouldn't tell someone,"well no one forced you to get a job, so what are you complaining for?"

A job is a job. Even if you aren't getting paid.  It's a role we take on voluntarily by applying, interviewing and accepting. No one is holding death threats to any of us and forcing us into a position  we don't want.

At this moment I am blogging on my iPad with a 1 year strapped on that is screaming, biting and pinching me. I hate it. Every single nite I deal with her overtired screaming fit because she won't sleep. It grates my nerves. I have no help until often after 6 to deal with it. I don't think I am required to grin and smile like I just LOVE being bit and scratched, but it's safer than letting her fall into walls and chairs.

So when an over tired mom friend calls or texts you to say she is going to go apeshit because her bratty as kids are making her batty, think about what you are going to say. Just because she doesn't take a salary doesn't mean she can't vent.

Lysol Kills 99.9% of Bacteria and Viruses

I bet you are expecting to read some great and gross story about something nasty my kids did with a title like that! Sorry, not the case.  I've been really trying to stay away from politically charged subjects and I have been too tired to blog. I deleted Facebook from my phone this week because I need a break from the over stimulation. But the recent Hobby Lobby decision has been hitting me hard in many ways, mostly the lies being spread about what has actually happened.  I am not really going to talk about that in detail, but instead talk about killing germs and viruses VS killing babies.  Sorry, heavy topic, but it should be said.

Viruses are made up of DNA and RNA, they only survive within living cells and because they don't contain all the aspects of "life" science considers them "organisms on the edge of life." Lysol kills them. Bacteria on the other hand are considered life. They were among the first life forms to appear on earth. There are believed to be 10 times the amount if bacterial cells than actual cells that make up the human body.  Lysol kills bacteria too.

It is very important to point out what science says about these two things, viruses are just on the edge of being life and bacteria are life. They are very firm in this.  You couldn't tell a scientist that bacteria wasn't a life form, yet science can't see to agree that a gestating fetus(baby) is a life form. They are still arguing over when it should be considered life, inside or out. But bacteria, life all the way! Life that Lysol kills.

For those of you that haven't had children yet or chose not to I am going to do some explaining about prenatal appointments.  Every single time you go your doctor or midwife they check for life via heartbeat. They often use something called a Doppler, a handheld ultrasound like device.  Or in the case of midwifery a fetal-scope, a special type of stethoscope to hear the heartbeat of the baby. This is often the first thing they do. They will check to see if baby is growing and how your body is handling things.  In the event of an emergency situation things like induction and C-sections are put into play to save the LIFE of the baby and/or mother. When the heart of a baby is found to have stopped it is said to have passed. As in life that is no more.

Clinical death happens when a person's heart stops beating and circulation ceases.  Biological death happens about 6-7 minutes later when the lack of oxygen kills brain cells. Death meaning dead. No longer alive. I don't think bacteria dies of clinical and biological death as they don't have lungs, hearts or brains. But they care capable of dying anyways, Lysol is good for this.

I've discussed all of that because people cannot seem to understand when life begins. Women and politicians especially don't seem to understand what life is. They are running around toting the thoughts about women's rights and the right to abort unwanted pregnancies. Babies in the womb are not protected as they are not considered life unless you want them to be alive. In many states you can "abort" a baby well past the time in which doctors would try to save its life if you were to give birth prematurely.  In Colorado for example outpatient abortion can be done up to 26 weeks of pregnancy.  There is an 80% survival rate for babies born this early, but at long as they aren't born its ok to abort it. THIS is a beautiful page full of babies born at 26 weeks and their after pictures as healthy children later.

Killing is defined as an act of causing death deliberately.  When I clean my kitchen and bathrooms with Lysol I am killing the bacteria living in them.  When I wash my hands with antibacterial hand soap after handling raw chicken I am killing the bacteria from that.  When I wash my cloth diapers in water so hot it will melt my skin I am killing the bacteria. When the flowers I fail to water die in the heat of the summer it can be said I killed them. When my chickens are done laying eggs I will kill them for food. When my dog gets too sick to be happy and experiences too much pain to walk I will take him to a vet to end his life.

A human embryo has beating cells that become the heart by day 14 of gestation, about the same time pregnancy first becomes detectable. By the time a fetus is 5 weeks old(7 weeks gestation) the heart is formed and pumping and can be seen via ultrasound in most cases. It is pumping blood through its very tiny body. This is a biological fact that exists in a women who can't fathom being pregnant and in a women who has struggled with fertility treatments and is over the moon about it. It is the same in the woman laying on a laying on a table getting an abortion and the woman laying on a table getting an ultrasound.  So why in one woman is it treated as nothing and in another treated as a great miracle? It's biologically the same.

Abortion is the act of killing something deliberately.  It is not murder because the government hasn't determined it to be illegal. A whopping 91% of abortions are preformed in the first trimester.  A trimester believed to just be a clump of cells that don't resemble life. I can tell you that bacteria don't look a lick like human life, yet the Lysol bottle very clearly states it KILLS it.

I don't care where you stand on the debate, pro-choice or pro-life. It should be agreed that abortion is the deliberate killing of life. This garbage where science can't figure out if a human fetus is life or not is for the birds and the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Its time for politicians to stop encouraging women to kill their unborn babies with words like "empowerment" , "choice" and "rights".  Abortion should not be a socially acceptable way to deal with unplanned pregnancies.  The answer to stopping them is not in making them illegal, after all murder, drugs and guns in schools are all illegal and that doesn't stop them from happening. What does stop every other American from committing crimes is morals.  Abortion needs to become morally unacceptable. It's not about anyone's bodily rights.  Its about death.

I will never be the friend that holds your hand during an abortion and tell you I understand. I will never tell you you made the right choice to kill a perfectly healthy baby for the sake of not knowing any better.

I will however hold your hand and help you find a solution that preserves life.

If you deny an embryo or fetus the title of life, you deny science. If you deny an embryo or fetus the title of life you also deny God for those of you that believe.  All of us fall into one or the other category and sometimes both.

Words on Walls

If someone gave you a Sharpie and told you to write something someone said to you on your wall and you knew they would see it, what would write? If you were told to write it as big as you could so it would be harder to cover, what would it be? The thing that you wrote, would it bring shame and embarrassment to the person who said it? Would they run to the hardware store to get paint and brushes and try to cover it up? Or would they smile at what you chose and invite others to see it?

Inside each of us is a wall. It's the wall where the words of others are written.  Everyday we read the words on our walls. Most everyday new ones are written there.  But inside of us there is no hardware store to buy paint to cover the words that we don't want to read.  They stay on ours walls, sometimes becoming covered by more words, but we never forget the words covered up.  We cannot erase them.

If you were given a Sharpie to write something on someone else's wall knowing they could see it and would have a difficult time removing it, what might you leave for them?  Words of happiness or love?  Words  that would make you feel good sharing? Words you would like to see stay there forever? Or would you choose words of malice and anger? Words that would hurt and words you hope no one else sees?

You see, just because the words you speak do not show up on the walls of your home, doesn't mean they aren't permanent. You don't have to have them scrawled across in black Sharpie to have them remembered. All you have to do is speak them. They will forever be etched on the walls of the person in which you direct them.

I think if we knew our words were being written down so people could always go back and read them, we would be much more careful in what we say. If people walked into our homes and could read the dialogue within, we would think twice about attacking others and talking poorly about those around us.  How much embarrassment or shame would you suffer if someone saw all your words?

When we speak, we should speak our words as though they are being scrawled across the walls for all to view.  We should speak in a way they we would not feel shame or guilt if we were forced to read it later. We should remember that every word we say will remain on the walls of someone and while after time those words will be written on top of, they still exist underneath. They never go away.  They might leave your mouth, but that doesn't make them gone.

Motherhood, The Most Thankless Job

At 12 AM she woke up.  It was expected, she always wakes 12 to eat and goes back to sleep until 4.  At 12 AM she woke up and didn't go back to sleep.  I watched the clock hit 1. She still would not sleep. 3 AM and we were still awake together. Both unhappy, both desperate for relief. At 5 AM time started to feel like it was standing still, both of us crying. By 7 she could no longer stand it and fell asleep fitfully. So I laid her down and closed the door.

My kitchen a disaster from the nite before. Not having the energy to clean it up makes for a crappy feeling the next morning when you really don't have the energy, but I did it. The other one will be up soon and I will need to have room to make breakfast. It's quiet for the first time in about 8 hours, so I take advantage and work on a project that is taking too long to finish, I don't have time usually to work on it. The kids keep me busy. Tears streaming down my face as I try to push down how tired I am and take joy in some peace and quiet. I don't get many moments like this.

Every day I live my life for 3 little people. I chase them around to pick up after them and stop near disasters. I kiss boo boos and sooth sad hearts. I change more diapers than I like to think about and wash more laundry than I believe I have. I prepare food that so often ends up all over the floor and vacuum it all up when its said and done. I spend endless hours picking up, holding, carrying and moving kids.

There is no 10 minute break or 30 minute lunch to reset. No quiet bathroom breaks or down time. The hours just blend into another and time doesn't exist until the end of day when its time to usher everyone off to bed and I hope I might sleep that nite. Time I hope I might have to connect with my husband as we have so very little to do so. Its the heavy thinking time that I take a look around and try to remember what I did all day. I wonder how the house got so torn apart. I look at the clock and think about how lovely it would be to just sit down and stop, but there is too much still to do and I cannot check out just yet.

At the end of a mother's day there is rarely a Thank-You. Being a mother just is.  You just do it day in and day out. There is no pay raise, no vacation. There are no quarterly reviews or awards handed out.  I am always left wondering if there is something I could have done better, done more of. Did I make the most of my time? So often I feel like there isn't much to show for it.

I sit here typing as two girls are actually sleeping at the same time.  I don't dare lay down myself because I know how terrible I will feel when I am forced to wake up. There are toys and Cheerios from the front door to the kitchen. There are coats and clothes all over the couch and dishes in the sink. Laundry in the dryer, diapers in the wash.  I don't know where to start. I think about the bag of crochet projects I have started, but cannot find the time to finish. The books I want to read that I simply cannot get to. I cannot help but think of the special ingredients in my pantry that go unused for recipes I wanted to make, but settle for less at the end of the day because I cannot do anymore.

When my day is through no one will thank me for a job well done.  No one will congratulate me on the efforts I put forth raising my kids. No one will recognize the sacrifice it is to be a parent.  I will just continue on with  the millions of other mothers who find themselves struggling to just get to the end of day only to start a new day in just a few hours. I will remind myself of the amazing people I am raising and that this is not all for nothing. I will tell myself and hear my husband remind they won't always be this small while I rock the baby back to sleep for the 4th or 5th time. I will be reminded that someday I will miss these days. I will hold onto the hope that I am doing a good enough job now that someday they will thank me for choosing to stay and be with them while they were young. Thank me for being their mom.

Today my job is thankless, but maybe tomorrow it won't be.

What is Leadership and What is Discipline?

Leadership VS Discipline, are they the same, can they work together, and what exactly do they mean? It's a hot topic in my house lately and frankly probably any household with kids old enough to tell you where they think the bear craps in the woods. Parenting is full of huge grey areas, Hell who am I kidding the damn mess is a grey area!! There is no real black and white manual and over the years it has morphed and changed. As we become more modern with less time and more disconnected from family, its easy to see why we have short cuts and short comings with parenting. What we do today is probably not even a shadow of how things used to be when people didn't have all the modern distraction of today. Families aren't flowing together, instead we are all working against each other and our inner nature to try to make things fit the way we are having it sold to us.  This is were understanding the real definitions of leadership and discipline come into play.

I am going to use the Army standard of leadership(for you my sweet).  The Army defines leadership as:

 “the process of influencing people by providing purpose, direction, and motivation while operating to accomplish the mission and improve the organization.”

 Lets change "people" to spouse/kids and change organization to Family.  So now we are influencing our kids and spouses to improve the family.  That makes a lot of sense.  We don't want outside forces having a stronger influence on it, so we need to make sure we are the ones providing it.  Lets start breaking this down.

Influence is the power to change or effect someone or something: the power to cause changes without directly forcing them to happen.

That's powerful.  Being able to change someone without force.  Basically being such a strong presence that they would want to make the changes and do as you guide them or on the flip side be so turned off they are influenced into the opposite direction.

Purpose is the reason why something is done or used, its the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something.

Influence with purpose, that means having a plan or goal you are trying to get to without force.

Direction is the path or course in which something is moving.

Ok now we are guiding the way down a path toward a goal without forcing people into it.

Motivation is the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something.

I think with that we can define family leadership as guiding our kids/spouses down a planned path toward an end result while showing them why its such a good idea.  Sounds like a lot of work, but that's what a leader does, works for a common end goal. With a family we are working towards guiding our kids into functioning adults, helping our spouses work out problems and even moving the whole household into a cohesive unit. None of that can be done without a good positive influence.  Everyone is going to run opposite directions otherwise.  You can't force people to like your ideas, you have to show them why your ideas are so good to begin with and you have to be the model of your anticipated end result; IE functioning adult.

I think leadership is probably a GREAT family value to have, providing it's done correctly and people are benefiting and goals are being met.

Now I am going to move onto discipline.  We all say it, do it and suggest it, but what is discipline exactly and how does it play a role in family life?

I believe in most situations when we think of discipline we think of it in the following context:

gaining control by requiring that rules be obeyed and punishing bad behavior.

I think that's a fair representation when we think of disciplining our children. We do something to our kids to make them pay for their infractions and we call it discipline and we call it just.

Lets take a look at the meaning of punish.

To punish is to make someone suffer for a crime or bad behavior.

Yes, your kid breaks the rules you do something to them, spank maybe? Ground them? Take away time from the TV or their game station in an effort to make them suffer for doing bad. This is after all how the American justice system works and they got at all right, right? 

To suffer is to experience pain, something unpleasant or to become worse because of being badly effected by something.

Ouch, that looks nasty. Pain, unpleasantness and being adversely effected.  

Pain is the physical feeling caused by something that hurts the body, its mental or emotional suffering or something that causes or makes trouble for you. 

It's not getting better.  So discipline is the act of causing physical pain or mental suffering for rule breaking. When our children are born has it ever crossed our minds ONCE to purposefully cause them harm?  Have we ever thought that harm would make them great people? Are we great parents when we cause harm to others? 

That's the definition of discipline as we know it to cause change in behavior at the time.  There is another for discipline. 

A way of behaving that shows a willingness to obey rules or orders

That's called self discipline. A behavior you show.  I know being a leader takes self discipline. Always doing the right thing in efforts to influence others to follow in your steps. 

Leadership and discipline have VERY obvious different meanings and quite clearly cannot coexist. Taking the leadership role in your family means showing them what you believe and why its so important, it means giving your family a path and helping them navigate it. Being a disciplinarian means reacting to what you haven't approved and causing harm to get your way and leaving no lesson learned ad learning is not part of discipline.  A good leader doesn't harm his people.

Being a self disciplined leader is clearly optimal, it means standing up to yourself in the face of defeat, failure, and disappointment, being ok with it and driving on with changes in the game plan to get back on path. Its time we all really sat and looked at ourselves and decide what we are lacking and how we can fix it and be better families and be proud of the hard work we put into raising the next generation.