Putting the Brakes on Social Networking

A girl I met in my Bradley class posted on FB last week that she was taking a break from the site.  She explained she wanted to work on her real life relationships with people that would actually show up to a dinner party.  She removed all her photos and made everything private.  I totally understand where she is coming from on this.

I love Facebook.  It has been an amazing tool to keep in close contact with those I cannot see often and was even better when I left for Kansas and wasn't close to anybody.  It kept me feeling close and left no pause or loneliness in the friend department.  I've posted photos, opinions, crazy shit at the time I have seen it, important info and just anything to start a conversation with people I know and don't know.  

I have kept up with happenings from people who have moved away that I would have probably otherwise lost contact with.  It's been fun and interesting.  But it's coming to an end for me.   I realized last week that maybe half (and that's a big fat maybe)would indeed show up to a dinner party.  Even fewer actually speak with me on the phone and some I haven't even seen in a few years.  I have realized there is no opinion left to post.  Not one bit of information left to educate anyone on. 

I have come to a place in my life that I have discovered a strong calling and opinions on some unpopular subjects that really test the ability of others to see past what they have been taught otherwise and I do not think that staying within the realms of Facebook is going to actually change anyone.  Nor do I really care to change the opinion of the people I know any longer.  I've got a bigger audience out there to deal with. 

So with all that in mind, I have decided that while I am not deactivating my account, I will no longer post updates. opinions studies, etc to Facebook.  I may still make comments on others people's things, but my life is here in this blog and the real world.  I am picking up a REAL camera again and taking actual photos of my life and they will go here. My blog. My personal place of sharing. 

If you have the time to leave Facebook and visit me here, so be it.  If you have the time to pick up the phone and text or call me, I'd love it.  If you want to take the time to actually meet up, then you are one of few.  

My Facebook wall is now private.  I will respond to messages left there, in my inbox or on the messenger. If you see things here you wish to share, please feel free to share the link, but you will have to come here to get updates, I will no longer post the new links to FB.  

The links to this blog, my business blog and the photo blog can all be found under my info. 

Thanks Facebook, you have been awesome, but its time for me to step back and find what friends would actually drop what they are doing and help me out if I made that phone call.  

Chick-Fil-A: Messages of Hate?

This past week CEO of Chick-Fil-A was quoted saying

 "We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit, We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that."

It has turned in a bashing fest across America.  People claiming the company "hates gays", calling for boycotting the company and so forth.  Today an appreciation day was called in honor of the company for standing by their beliefs and having the right to say so.  From what I can see in my own town as well as hearing about the event in others, people still support the company in a big way.

That statement does not speak one word of hate.  It is simply a statement of belief.  Since when is that hateful?  Hate is an intense hostility and aversion to something.  I see nothing of the sort in that statement.

What is hateful is the response of the public toward it.  The anger over something this country was founded on, freedom to practice ones own religion.  We are allowed to feel, think and speak our minds in this country.  Yes, sometimes it offends.  If we cannot be honest and express our feelings, morals and beliefs, then what freedom do we really have?

I am not religious.  Not a single bit. I respect anyone who is and who has a deep relationship with G-d and it does not offend me. I enjoy learning about what drives them toward it, how it effects their lives, the values and depth of love it brings them.  It's amazing really.  But there are 2 kinds of Christians in this world, the kind that do not spread hateful messages in the name of their savior and the ones that do.

Its that second group of people you have to watch out for.  I've known parties in both camps and the ones that have a true love and understanding of their religion are really very amazing people.  They literally could not do any harm or be hateful if their lives depended on it.  They harbor no ill fate for anyone or anything.  They simply go about their lives with the love of the Lord in their hearts. That is how it should be.

Chick-Fil-A did not say or intend anything hateful.  They exercised their rights to speak and follow a religion, the foundation of this country.  To go about a nasty, ugly rant about and spread words of hate, well that my friends is flat out un-American and not very Christian like.

At the end of the day, marriage between two men or two women is not being held back by religion, it's being held back by government.  Don't get mad at the God loving folks, get pissed at your elected officials who have no business regulating marriage.  This is a free country after all, that includes freedom to love and marry whom you choose as long as its done in love and understanding.

Another Doctor Fail

Anyone who knows me knows that I am, without a doubt, against doctors. I believe in many cases they are out for as much of your money as they can get with minimal effort in getting it. I feel like they think they know more about my body than I do and are more capable of telling me how I feel than me telling them and being heard. I have been subject to sub-par care while I was an adult with no health insurance VS having the same life altering issue taken seriously when I had insurance. I have had experience with a great doctor or 2, but the majority have left me wondering why the in Hell I bothered going in.  With the exception of actual emergencies or illness that time won't seem to heal, I have a pretty strict no doctor, no medicine policy.

With that out of the way, I was seen by a doctor not once, but twice in the past week.  The first was a trip to the ER due to a very severe dizzy spell that lasted for hours and the second at a routine appointment I made 2 weeks ago because I have not been well and decided it was actually time to see someone who might be able to help.  Trust me, you know its serious when I make  the appointment.

Over the past 2 months I have lost all my stamina.  I have pretty bad joint pain(I'm talking all my joints, fingers and toes included).  My hair is falling out in quantities that are out of this world and I have started gaining weight for no reason. I exercise through the pain and exhaustion 4-5 times a week and my eating habits have no changed in a way that would cause the weight gain.  I am not myself.  I have never felt this way and clearly that needs to be looked at.

So at the ER in addition to seeing me for the dizzy spell they went ahead and started a few blood panels. The doctor only looked me in the eye and chilled out after not introducing himself when I started questioning the meds he wanted to give me to stop the dizziness.  Suddenly he was like, Wow, informed patient and became very nice and talkative and answered all my questions. But what if I had not been that type, would he have continued to roll right over the top of me without explaining anything?

Monday I went in to see my doctor about the other issues.  She first informed me that the blood panels ordered were not complete and I would need another draw, secondly the ER said my blood work came back fine when in fact my white blood cell count was elevated enough to make the doctor concerned and want to recheck it.  Wow, way to fail the patient ER.  Now, I went on to tell this doctor about all my symptoms.  She said she had no idea where to start.  Listened to my heart and lungs and sent me to the lab. THAT'S IT.  She did not ask more questions, she didn't feel any of my joints or check movement.  NOTHING.  She didn't ask more about the hair loss, she didn't ask about my diet when weight GAIN was a concern.

How is she supposed to help me?  SO here I am with as much information as I had prior to the appointment, less blood and a blown vein. So I guess unless the blood work is glowing some weird color with the issue spelled out I won't be getting answers anytime soon.  She was however nice to ask if I wanted pain pills to manage the pain.  I declined and said I didn't want a cover up, I wanted answers.

Screw Doctors.  They don't know shit.


***UPDATE 7/21  Received a call saying all my blood work came back normal.  I should call and make another appt if my symptoms don't get better.  Well they aren't better and do I want to subject myself to another appointment where chances are I will again not get any answers?

The Illusion of Freedom

Skip and I got into a discussion about freedom the other day. With the upcoming election, so many people are afraid of losing more of their freedoms or seem to think we haven't lost anything. My thought is this, we aren't actually free.  It's just a matter of what rules we are willing to put up with.  Nearly everything we do has a law or ruling about it.  We are not free at all.  So long as we follow all the rules set for us, there is no problem.

I will use this as an example:   There are places in the world where girls are not permitted to have an education. We cry out and call this unjust.  We say these women are being suppressed and abused.  Yet here in America, I am REQUIRED to provide an education for my daughter starting at the age my local government deems fit.  I have to provide proof as well as subject her to standardized testing.  Is there freedom in that?

I think all these "rights" that we all think we have are an illusion to make us feel powerful.  We have the right to follow or break the rules.   That's about as free as it gets.  So quit rallying against losing your "rights".  Rally against stricter rules.

Fear vs Respect

There has been a little post going around Facebook lately about being spanked and surviving it.  It reads as follows:

I have to laugh at people who are against spanking. My parents whipped my butt and I learned the switch dance. I didn't hate them.  I didn't have trust issues with them because of it. I trusted I was in big trouble when I screwed up and did things my way!  I didn't fear them. I feared getting caught doing wrong!  But I sure respected them! I learned what my boundaries were and I knew what would happen if I crossed them. I wasn't abused, I was disciplined. This is why kids now-a-days have no respect for anyone.

I am 100% against physical discipline of children, period.  I do not think it is appropriate to hit something that cannot hit back or defend itself.  A child falls clearly into that category.  I am not saying that spanking your kid should put you in jail for abuse, but I am saying there is a better way.

My husband and I often differ in our opinions on this.  He is from a MUCH different generation than I (hello 22 years age gap) and we often debate the whole fear is respect thing. While we typically parent on the same page and neither of us will hit the kids, it is sometimes a challenge to think on what the best method of teaching a lesson is.

I never ever want my kids to mistake fearing me for having respect for me.  Because it is a very different thing. Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.  Fear is also being afraid of someone or something that is likely dangerous, painful or threatening.  I don't want my kid afraid of doing something wrong because of the punishment.  I don't want them to be afraid to face me when I have to teach a lesson.  Fear can become paralyzing and therefor the child will lose the ability to learn the lesson at hand.  Next time around they are going to try to remember why they aren't supposed to(insert action here) and all they are going to remember is it caused them pain.  Where is the lesson learned?

Respect is the sense of worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability.  It's a condition of being honored. A child being disciplined in a way they understand is more likely to remember that lesson.  They are going to be willing to sit and listen to the reason why they shouldn't do X and then accept the appropriate punishment for it that doesn't involve a physical pain causing fear.  Would you honor someone or hold them in esteem if they caused you pain?

Do you want your child making decisions from fear or respect for the lesson you taught?  Do I want Aiden to look both ways before crossing  the street because if he doesn't I will spank or because he understands he could get killed by a car?  How about not talking to strangers? Throwing rocks?  No I don't want my kid making decisions based on fear of causing him physical pain.

We are not born with adult tendencies.  We are not born knowing how to self sooth or regulate.  These are things that develop with time and coaching.  We do not know all the rules or the consequences of doing wrong at birth.  We must be taught.  Children are born innocent and should not be subject to such harsh punishments during the long learning phase of childhood.  They are doing more than just learning our rules, they are learning about themselves and what their place is in the world.  They are testing boundaries to better understand the natural reactions of them in relation to this world. Because we are adults, it is simply our job to guide and teach with compassion and understanding of what they were not born with,

Children can be very frustrating, but so can adults.  It is not appropriate to spank your office workers for returning late from lunch.  What makes it appropriate to do the same to your child? Do not hit out of frustration because you think you know no other way to fix it.  Your child also needs the time away from the stressful situation to deal with and comprehend what you need to teach.

Have more respect for yourself and your children.  Violence is learned and won't always stop at spanking.

Moments of Motherhood: Sharing

Sharing. One of the first things I think we all try to instill into our children.  We want them to share their toys, their food, their feelings. It's all part of raising a polite child who isn't greedy.  So in the effort to teach our children to share we have to model the perfect sharing behavior 100% of the time, right? Even if that means you have given up half your meal at lunch time all in the effort to set a good example.

Damn, it gets OLD!  Like really old.  I am so sick of sharing.  Sometimes you just want something for yourself and here comes a kid(or sometimes a husband) asking for a bite or a piece or to borrow something and all you want to do is say NO.  But the parent in the back of your head reminds you that if you say no your child is learning that it's okay to be greedy.  Now you just know that just that one time of greed on your part will snowball into your worst nightmare because you just taught your kid that it's A Okay! So I do one of 2 things.  I resentfully say yes and share or I make sure I cannot be seen so no one can ask me to share.

Ya that's rotten I know, but when your sole job as a wife and mother is to give you really get burnt on it sometimes.  Right now my body and my time are given to help maintain my family.  More times then not I am guilty of not giving back to myself so that I can continue to give without feeling resentful sometimes.

I however cannot complain about my child's sharing ability.  He won't bat an eye if I ask him to share.  He always shares with me without ever complaining.  He actually enjoys it.  He will share anything with pretty much anybody.  So ya, I have done that much.

I am still sick of sharing....

Things won't stop sucking!!!

I am really frustrated with life right now.  My dog killed one of my chickens and now I have to get rid of the other one because she is lonely and I cannot keep Yoshi away from her. He beelines straight for the box and I have to almost beat him off.  This was a project I was really looking forward to. We were going to build the coop this weekend.  Now all bets are off.  It totally sucks.  I had them both so tamed. They would hop out onto my hand and follow me around the yard.

I really knew we would have to watch Yoshi close.  He can't be in the yard most of the day anyways because of other dogs, so it wasn't going to be an issue anyways.  But he knows she is there now and that's that.  It really bums me out.

So my other girl goes to a new home today.  It just sucks.  I really need a break.