Another Doctor Fail

Anyone who knows me knows that I am, without a doubt, against doctors. I believe in many cases they are out for as much of your money as they can get with minimal effort in getting it. I feel like they think they know more about my body than I do and are more capable of telling me how I feel than me telling them and being heard. I have been subject to sub-par care while I was an adult with no health insurance VS having the same life altering issue taken seriously when I had insurance. I have had experience with a great doctor or 2, but the majority have left me wondering why the in Hell I bothered going in.  With the exception of actual emergencies or illness that time won't seem to heal, I have a pretty strict no doctor, no medicine policy.

With that out of the way, I was seen by a doctor not once, but twice in the past week.  The first was a trip to the ER due to a very severe dizzy spell that lasted for hours and the second at a routine appointment I made 2 weeks ago because I have not been well and decided it was actually time to see someone who might be able to help.  Trust me, you know its serious when I make  the appointment.

Over the past 2 months I have lost all my stamina.  I have pretty bad joint pain(I'm talking all my joints, fingers and toes included).  My hair is falling out in quantities that are out of this world and I have started gaining weight for no reason. I exercise through the pain and exhaustion 4-5 times a week and my eating habits have no changed in a way that would cause the weight gain.  I am not myself.  I have never felt this way and clearly that needs to be looked at.

So at the ER in addition to seeing me for the dizzy spell they went ahead and started a few blood panels. The doctor only looked me in the eye and chilled out after not introducing himself when I started questioning the meds he wanted to give me to stop the dizziness.  Suddenly he was like, Wow, informed patient and became very nice and talkative and answered all my questions. But what if I had not been that type, would he have continued to roll right over the top of me without explaining anything?

Monday I went in to see my doctor about the other issues.  She first informed me that the blood panels ordered were not complete and I would need another draw, secondly the ER said my blood work came back fine when in fact my white blood cell count was elevated enough to make the doctor concerned and want to recheck it.  Wow, way to fail the patient ER.  Now, I went on to tell this doctor about all my symptoms.  She said she had no idea where to start.  Listened to my heart and lungs and sent me to the lab. THAT'S IT.  She did not ask more questions, she didn't feel any of my joints or check movement.  NOTHING.  She didn't ask more about the hair loss, she didn't ask about my diet when weight GAIN was a concern.

How is she supposed to help me?  SO here I am with as much information as I had prior to the appointment, less blood and a blown vein. So I guess unless the blood work is glowing some weird color with the issue spelled out I won't be getting answers anytime soon.  She was however nice to ask if I wanted pain pills to manage the pain.  I declined and said I didn't want a cover up, I wanted answers.

Screw Doctors.  They don't know shit.


***UPDATE 7/21  Received a call saying all my blood work came back normal.  I should call and make another appt if my symptoms don't get better.  Well they aren't better and do I want to subject myself to another appointment where chances are I will again not get any answers?

The Illusion of Freedom

Skip and I got into a discussion about freedom the other day. With the upcoming election, so many people are afraid of losing more of their freedoms or seem to think we haven't lost anything. My thought is this, we aren't actually free.  It's just a matter of what rules we are willing to put up with.  Nearly everything we do has a law or ruling about it.  We are not free at all.  So long as we follow all the rules set for us, there is no problem.

I will use this as an example:   There are places in the world where girls are not permitted to have an education. We cry out and call this unjust.  We say these women are being suppressed and abused.  Yet here in America, I am REQUIRED to provide an education for my daughter starting at the age my local government deems fit.  I have to provide proof as well as subject her to standardized testing.  Is there freedom in that?

I think all these "rights" that we all think we have are an illusion to make us feel powerful.  We have the right to follow or break the rules.   That's about as free as it gets.  So quit rallying against losing your "rights".  Rally against stricter rules.

Fear vs Respect

There has been a little post going around Facebook lately about being spanked and surviving it.  It reads as follows:

I have to laugh at people who are against spanking. My parents whipped my butt and I learned the switch dance. I didn't hate them.  I didn't have trust issues with them because of it. I trusted I was in big trouble when I screwed up and did things my way!  I didn't fear them. I feared getting caught doing wrong!  But I sure respected them! I learned what my boundaries were and I knew what would happen if I crossed them. I wasn't abused, I was disciplined. This is why kids now-a-days have no respect for anyone.

I am 100% against physical discipline of children, period.  I do not think it is appropriate to hit something that cannot hit back or defend itself.  A child falls clearly into that category.  I am not saying that spanking your kid should put you in jail for abuse, but I am saying there is a better way.

My husband and I often differ in our opinions on this.  He is from a MUCH different generation than I (hello 22 years age gap) and we often debate the whole fear is respect thing. While we typically parent on the same page and neither of us will hit the kids, it is sometimes a challenge to think on what the best method of teaching a lesson is.

I never ever want my kids to mistake fearing me for having respect for me.  Because it is a very different thing. Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.  Fear is also being afraid of someone or something that is likely dangerous, painful or threatening.  I don't want my kid afraid of doing something wrong because of the punishment.  I don't want them to be afraid to face me when I have to teach a lesson.  Fear can become paralyzing and therefor the child will lose the ability to learn the lesson at hand.  Next time around they are going to try to remember why they aren't supposed to(insert action here) and all they are going to remember is it caused them pain.  Where is the lesson learned?

Respect is the sense of worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability.  It's a condition of being honored. A child being disciplined in a way they understand is more likely to remember that lesson.  They are going to be willing to sit and listen to the reason why they shouldn't do X and then accept the appropriate punishment for it that doesn't involve a physical pain causing fear.  Would you honor someone or hold them in esteem if they caused you pain?

Do you want your child making decisions from fear or respect for the lesson you taught?  Do I want Aiden to look both ways before crossing  the street because if he doesn't I will spank or because he understands he could get killed by a car?  How about not talking to strangers? Throwing rocks?  No I don't want my kid making decisions based on fear of causing him physical pain.

We are not born with adult tendencies.  We are not born knowing how to self sooth or regulate.  These are things that develop with time and coaching.  We do not know all the rules or the consequences of doing wrong at birth.  We must be taught.  Children are born innocent and should not be subject to such harsh punishments during the long learning phase of childhood.  They are doing more than just learning our rules, they are learning about themselves and what their place is in the world.  They are testing boundaries to better understand the natural reactions of them in relation to this world. Because we are adults, it is simply our job to guide and teach with compassion and understanding of what they were not born with,

Children can be very frustrating, but so can adults.  It is not appropriate to spank your office workers for returning late from lunch.  What makes it appropriate to do the same to your child? Do not hit out of frustration because you think you know no other way to fix it.  Your child also needs the time away from the stressful situation to deal with and comprehend what you need to teach.

Have more respect for yourself and your children.  Violence is learned and won't always stop at spanking.

Moments of Motherhood: Sharing

Sharing. One of the first things I think we all try to instill into our children.  We want them to share their toys, their food, their feelings. It's all part of raising a polite child who isn't greedy.  So in the effort to teach our children to share we have to model the perfect sharing behavior 100% of the time, right? Even if that means you have given up half your meal at lunch time all in the effort to set a good example.

Damn, it gets OLD!  Like really old.  I am so sick of sharing.  Sometimes you just want something for yourself and here comes a kid(or sometimes a husband) asking for a bite or a piece or to borrow something and all you want to do is say NO.  But the parent in the back of your head reminds you that if you say no your child is learning that it's okay to be greedy.  Now you just know that just that one time of greed on your part will snowball into your worst nightmare because you just taught your kid that it's A Okay! So I do one of 2 things.  I resentfully say yes and share or I make sure I cannot be seen so no one can ask me to share.

Ya that's rotten I know, but when your sole job as a wife and mother is to give you really get burnt on it sometimes.  Right now my body and my time are given to help maintain my family.  More times then not I am guilty of not giving back to myself so that I can continue to give without feeling resentful sometimes.

I however cannot complain about my child's sharing ability.  He won't bat an eye if I ask him to share.  He always shares with me without ever complaining.  He actually enjoys it.  He will share anything with pretty much anybody.  So ya, I have done that much.

I am still sick of sharing....

Things won't stop sucking!!!

I am really frustrated with life right now.  My dog killed one of my chickens and now I have to get rid of the other one because she is lonely and I cannot keep Yoshi away from her. He beelines straight for the box and I have to almost beat him off.  This was a project I was really looking forward to. We were going to build the coop this weekend.  Now all bets are off.  It totally sucks.  I had them both so tamed. They would hop out onto my hand and follow me around the yard.

I really knew we would have to watch Yoshi close.  He can't be in the yard most of the day anyways because of other dogs, so it wasn't going to be an issue anyways.  But he knows she is there now and that's that.  It really bums me out.

So my other girl goes to a new home today.  It just sucks.  I really need a break.

Some Advice for the Men

I want to start this off saying two wrongs don't make a right.  And I say that because I am about to do a little trash talking on men here and I don't want to hear the "well more women do men wrong because...." crap.  If you are in a position to not do wrong, then don't. There is no point in going out of your way to make a women miserable, take away her self worth, talk trash etc. Be the bigger man. I am a FIRM believer in doing to others as you wish done to you, no matter how crappy they are doing you. It won't make you a better person or get you ahead by playing their games.  We are all individuals, we have individual relationships with our partners and we cannot base our actions on that of herd mentality.

With that being said, this is going to be a post about the pregnant, postpartum and breastfeeding mother.  There will be strong and to some, objectionable language.  Read at your own risk.  These are my opinions based on personal experience and following some of the heart breaking experiences of other women. It needs to be understood, that while in  the public eye men and women are seen as equals as far as careers, jobs, voting etc is concerned, physically and biologically we are not equal or the same.  Men typically have a greater deal of physical strength, the advantage of a consistent hormone flow resulting in near non-existent mood swings based on a complicated chemical cocktails that women otherwise are quite often subject to.

I follow a number of pregnancy, child rearing and breastfeeding groups.  On a daily basis I see terrible things being posted by women that are truly at the end of their ropes because of the way they have been made to feel by their husbands in regards to these matters and sex. I do not believe sex is a by product of a relationship.  It is very clearly plays an important role in a relationship.  It is not something that can just dry up and somehow the relationship stays awesome.  Just not going to happen.  There is clearly a need for intimacy.  Anyone who says otherwise is a fool.  On the other hand, there should be the expectation that at certain points in a relationship things may slow down or maybe even stop on a temporary basis.  The key to this is temporary.  It MUST be accepted and both partners should continue to work together to get back to normal.  Even if that takes time.  Periods of stress, illness, pregnancy and child rearing can all take their tolls.  This should be expected as it is a normal part of life.

I am going to start with men and pregnancy.  Clearly your wife/girlfriend puts out, she's pregnant.  Do not expect her to be banging your brains out with the same kind of urgency or frequency during all 40+ weeks of the pregnancy.  There is a WHOLE host of things going on with her body and her brain.  She may want it more, she may want it less.  The point is, you should respect that.  Morning sickness is not a side effect that just occurs in the morning.  For some it is an all day thing. For others it can happen anytime without warning.  Both of my pregnancies I was sick at nite, usually right before getting into bed. You know what that means?  Ya, most nites he went without during that time. Did I get crap for it?  No, my husband happens to respect my body and the miracle it was preforming. Also, I don't think he wanted me to puke all over our bed.  However I cannot tell you how many stories I have read about women who have husbands that get pissed at them for not working thru it.  Women with hyperemesis gravidarum who cannot stop vomiting have admitted to just laying there and letting their husbands do the deed while forming a hate for the man they love because he could not bother to think without his cock. Growing a baby takes a lot from the woman growing it.  She is subject to bouts of extreme exhaustion, severe hormonal imbalance and straight up periods of feeling helpless, unsexy and maybe even bitter. A pregnant woman is on public display.  She's poked and prodded by her care providers, asked stupid questions by total strangers(and might I add idiots)and is preparing for the most unpredictable day of her life.  Really think about how you want to treat this woman.  She is not a piece of meat for your taking. Give her a break during pregnancy.  She will thank you and not resent you. 

Another HUGE break down point for women is postpartum sex.  Somewhere there is this 6 week rule.  Men seem to believe that after the 6 week check that ensures the uterus is back to shape, the cervix is finally closed and birth control gets talked about, that it's game on and his wife better start putting out. Guess what guys, when you met your wife/girlfriend did you fall in love with her uterus and cervix?  I didn't think so.  Just because those body parts are healed, doesn't mean as a person she is. At 6 weeks your infant is probably still eating around the clock.  It's very tiring.  If your partner had a rough delivery, guess what she could still have a WHOLE host of physical things stopping her from having sex with you.  If she tore or had an episiotomy I can promise you she is still hurting.  And depending on the degree of damage it could take a year or more of healing before she's no longer in pain. Read the comments here from women discussing the issues. Six weeks is not a magic number.  Don't start demanding sex from her just because her uterus and cervix are ready to go.  

Finally, breastfeeding.  You wouldn't think right off that this causes an issue, but oh boy the stories I have come across!! Everything from husbands not allowing their wives to breastfeed because they didn't want to share, being embarrassed, and forcing them to wean at some magic age because they didn't want it to become sexuality gratifying for their wives.  What the Hell guys, are you serious?  If a woman decides that breastfeeding is best for your child, then go with it.  She's doing some things for you in the long run. One, she could be saving your baby's life.  Breastfeeding is linked to lower SID's risks. It forms a chemical bond from the start helping your wife be a better mother as well.  Two, she's saving your bank account. Formula alone will cost you around $3,000 in the first year.  You can also plan on less co-pays as breastfed babies are sick less often.  Further more your kids IQ will be higher, this could save on college costs because maybe he/she will get a scholarship.  Your child will be less likely to need braces as breastfeeding helps develop a healthy pallet for teeth to grow in. Please know your wife is not, I repeat IS NOT getting off while feeding your kid. No matter the age of the child.  She is not addicted to it, she does not prefer it to you. She is simply taking care of the needs of your child in the most natural way possible.  There is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. Her breasts are multifunctional.  She can nourish with them and arouse you with them.  That's a pretty amazing body part if you ask me.

By no means is this meant for all men nor should men read this and think I am saying it's okay for them to get stomped on by their pregnant, postpartum, lactating wife.  No, what I am saying is the road into parenthood is a road in a new direction.  You need to be prepared for things to change a bit. The change does not have to be negative.  It also doesn't have to be permanent, but it's going to occur.  Be a gracious passenger with your wife and you both will grow together.  Hopefully you both had a solid foundation before getting knocked up, if not I would suggest getting one.  Having kids is a surefire way to rip people apart when one or both parties make fools of themselves.

Its heartbreaking to read about women who truly want to be intimate with their partners, but are struggling with these things and being made to feel selfish, inadequate or being accused of loving their kids more. Intimacy doesn't always mean being balls deep.

Fear of Speaking Out Against Doctors

I read a study published in the May issue of Health Affairs that says patients are afraid to speak up about treatment in fear that their doctors would think of them as "difficult". The following is a quote from that study:

   Questioning a physician’s advice or recommendations was perceived by participants as a challenge to authority that most wanted to avoid, for fear of “displeasing” or “disappointing” their physician.

Since when did a physician become a person of authority?  And more important what are they in control of? Your body? Last time I checked I was the person in control of my body.  Why on earth would we view our doctors like this and what can we do to stop this? Why are we so intimidated to say something if we don't understand the treatment or if we really want to decline it? I have a bit of a theory about it.

              Autonomy: a principle of medical ethics according to which a person should respect the rights of other individuals to freely determine their own choices and decisions.

For most of us we are brought up knowing our bodies belong to us.  It is up to us to share it with someone special. No one is allowed to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, right?  No one EXCEPT the doctor, that is.  That one single "rule" about personal touching completely throws out one's right to autonomy.  That is very scary as a child.  I remember this very conversation with my mom.  At 14 I was having horrible periods and one time the pain and bleeding was so crippling she took me to the ER where I was then told I would have a PAP done.  I was not asked, I was not warned by the doctor that he was touching me.  No, I was just laid back, put into stirrups and had the most horrifying procedure done to me that I could ever imagine and that was A OK! It was a doctor, they have the right. Period.

When was the last time you were at a doctor and they asked you for permission to put their hands on your body?  I don't care what part, you ear, a leg or an arm.  Were you asked or did they just go ahead?  Would you have allowed someone from the street do this to you?  What is your response when someone touches you or your child without invitation?  It can be pretty violating, can it not? Leaves you feeling uneasy.  Maybe your child has a moment of confusion or panic.

My midwife ASKED me before she put her hands on me, EVERY TIME.  It didn't matter what she was touching, my leg, my arm or my belly.  She waited for me to give her permission to be in contact with my body.  She gave me the control.  I was never afraid of her.  Never afraid to ask questions.  Not afraid to disagree if I ever thought I needed to.  Not once. I am thankful for that experience. When a doctor doesn't ask, they TAKE from you.  They take your control.  They become the power over your body and that makes it harder to question what is being done.

This must stop.  In all practices, family, pediatrics, OB/GYN, you name it.  It must stop.  If your child is too young to speak for themselves the doctor should be asking you for permission.  I can think back to a case a couple years ago of a pediatric doctor charged with many counts of child molestation and rape.  Those kids were probably also taught that is was okay for a doctor to touch them, but only the doctor.

Teach your kids that NO ONE, not even a doctor may touch them without permission.  Period.  You should also start taking back control on the office by asking your doctor to acquire permission before touching you in anyway. The doctor/patient relationship should be one of mutual respect.  It cannot be so if you are not being respected in this way.  I believe this is the only way to become empowered in making your medical decisions with you doctor.  It is also the best way for your doctor to gain respect for your body and what you are ok with doing to it. Period.

We all have a right to autonomy, demand it. Your doctor is absolutely not a figure of authority.  They are a health mentor.  There to help monitor your health and that of your family.  They are supposed to give you information so you can make an educated and FULLY informed decision based on what they tell you.  You should not be told what to do, rather included in a treatment plan. No matter how minor it is.