Random things kids say

Aiden says the darnedest things sometimes.  Lately it has revolved around my expanding waist line.   Today he showed how polite he can be.

Aiden: Mommy, you are getting so fat!
Me: Thanks Aiden
Aiden: You're Welcome.

Ugh.  Altho that is not as bad as last week when he said I was going to "explode and go boom"

FYI  I still fit into my clothes for the most part.

That's VAGINAL!!

This one will make you laugh!

The Official News/ OH CRAP Moment

Well I am going to go ahead and blog about this as you will not find a mass email nor a single post on Facebook.  As a matter of fact if you have read the last couple posts you already know. But I am going to make the official announcement here.  If you don't read my blog, then you are going to miss the news.

Skip and I are officially expecting a baby come the middle of February! After 2 heart crushing losses in a row, we were blessed with an COMPLETELY unexpected pregnancy that piggy backed the miscarriage over Mother's Day.  We were able to hear a heart beat yesterday.  By far the biggest relief.

Now on to the OH CRAP part.  We got done at the appointment with the midwife yesterday and I realized the only thing I have for a baby is a crib mattress.  All of Aiden's baby things are LONG gone.  I got rid of every shred of it after the separation because I was pretty convinced that I was a broken woman and no man was going to marry me and grow a family with me.  So we get to start all over.

Mom made a suggestion about an online baby shower since all my friends live far away, but I am not about a second shower. There is no way in Hell I can even with good feelings ask anyone for anything in this economy.  Plus I don't believe in second showers, they are greedy.

So oh crap we have a bit of buying to do.  And just a heads up, nothing irritates me more than pregnancy posts on FB, so if I don't go posting every exam, every time I puke, belly photos and general TMI preggo info, please don't be alarmed or offended.

Child Support, can it be double dipping?

Skip, Aiden and myself are a family. Aiden calls Skip dad and Skip refers to Aiden as his son.  Aiden is not Skip's biological son, but he has been an amazing man and has stepped in as such.  Skip has been in our lives since Aiden as 9 months old, but I have remained financially responsible for him until about 8 months ago when Skip took over full time financial support of the both of us.  During the time I was providing for Aiden I never once received a child support payment.  Aiden will be 5 this October.   That's a pretty good amount of time to go without extra support, but I  have never complained about it really.  It's been tight at times, but his actual father hasn't made contact or insisted on being one. Fine with me.  I haven't really had a reason to be all huffy puffy about not getting the $200 a month the court ordered.   I did file with the state over a year ago for support services, but in return the state helped pay for part of Aiden's daycare and his healthcare since my job has never offered health care.

This month I received my first child support payment from the state as they have an order to garnish wages.  It was nice to see and yes I feel like I am owed for the past 4 years that he should have been supporting his child. However at the same time I feel as if I am double dipping.   Aiden has a dad right here who takes care of his needs, even the financial ones.  Even though he was not born of this relationship it has not been something noticed. He is OUR child.  OUR values are being instilled in him.  WE are raising him,  Not this invisible man that  has had nothing to do with him since he was basically born.

At the beginning of the year we are going to embark on the adoption process to make Aiden legally Skip's son. That will automatically make his actual father no longer responsible for child support.  Does that bother me? Not a bit. I have never made the mistake of budgeting based on child support.   The fact of the matter is he is not Aiden's father and I do not see any reason to continue to make him pay for a kid that really isn't his.  I don't think children have parents based solely on blood type and DNA.  A child's parents are based on who raises and loves them.

So this big long story brings me to my actual point.  If a woman has a child being raised by the man she is married to, is it fair for her to continue milking the sperm doner for money?   Is that an ethical thing?  What if the parents have children together in their new marriage?  How is raising them without outside support any different with one or two extra from a previous relationship?  ESPECIALLY if the kids are being raised to understand the current man as their father.

I know of a woman who is married, has a son from a previous relationship.  Her son calls her husband father and he treats him as such.   They have a new baby on the way.   She won't let her husband adopt her son because she has managed to suck a $600 a month child support check from this guy who has not even seen a photo of this kid.  She prefers to keep the money over having her son share her last name.  All while having someone else take the responsibility of her kid.

I don't think its right.  I think it is double dipping and I think a lot of men are getting screwed out of money they shouldn't have to pay for instances like this.  I won't lie, the extra cash I am getting now is nice. But do I really need it? Absolutely not.  Does Aiden's sperm doner owe me child support?  Probably for the past, but as far as I am I concerned he owes me nothing as of now.  He isn't the father of my child. Skip is.  He would be the person in my eyes that owes us anything as he has taken the responsibility for us.

Ultimately I will happy when I can relieve a poor fool of child support for a kid that isn't even his.

Alternatives

***WARNING***   This is a blog about alternative menstrual products!  Some of you might get grossed out. Still read it. And you guys can to and pass the info to your partner!




While doing some regular rounds on my blog reading I came across a blog advocating cloth pads.  Now this is not the first I heard of this, but it was the first I actually got serious about getting more info.  I started this blog with help from my lady friends in a small experiment.   I have read  about the chemical process in which cotton has to go through in order for it to be usable as a tampon or pad.  It was said that a tampon leaches a by product called Dioxin.  Dioxin is the left over chemical from bleaching. Something all modern, non organic tampons and pads are subject to.   Dioxin is believed to cause things like cervical cancers, pelvic inflamitory disease, endometriosis, and a whole host of other hormonal abnormalities.   In any case I asked my ladies to soak one tampon in a glass of water for 8 hours to see if I could duplicate the release of this chemical.   


The results, clear water after 8 hours.  So I was not able to in fact show actual proof of this happening as I was so led to believe.   All the ladies used an unscented brand of tampon(kudos ladies).  I had Playtex, Kotex, Tampax and OB tested.   So while I did not see actual chemicals being released into the water, I still have a concern about the possibility of such a chemical being absorbed.  And trust me ladies and gentlemen, the vagina is a very absorbent place and will take anything in through its walls.  Scary.   


The average American woman will menstruate for 33 years of her life!  Yes, as in 3 decades.  On average that is about 400lbs of used up grossness per woman.   As of NOW there are 152 million women in our country.   Can you say, uh HUGE amounts of waste?!  That was one of my deciding factors of changing over to a reusable product. 




I haven't used a tampon in over a year. I have been using a product called a Moon Cup.  There are Diva Cups as well and I am sure if you kept googling you would find many more.  In any case these are designed to collect your flow not absorb.   They are reusable.  I got started on one because of a review from a woman on a forum I am a part of and I am so happy I did.  The VERY first thing I noticed was any smell that I was used to was GONE!!! Yes I am not going to sugar coat this.  We all struggle with the whole "do I stink" problem when ol' Aunt Flo comes around.   Well I don't because it's being contained.  I've been better able to observe what is actually happening during my periods as well.  Oh ya, I have saved money and I haven't had to run out to get "get stuff" because I was out.     There is a small learning curve at first.  But I think after about 2 cycles I didn't have any more leaks and I was very confident with it.  Risk of toxic shock is also eliminated.    


Onto pads.  I have not used reusable pads. However after about an hour of research I found a good many women who LOVE their reusable and swear by their comfort and excellent absorbency.  Which makes sense because you aren't wearing plastic and we all know how well our cotton undies like to absorb overflow!    I have made a decision to use reusable for postpartum.  I mean anything has got to feel better than a rough, stiff pad "down there" after all that trauma.   And again I found EXCELLENT reviews on reusable for postpartum.  I found Luna Pads as what I think is my best option.   They had removable liners and it seems every convenient.  They come in all kinds of pretty colors and sizes. They aren't going to rub and chafe your legs and I doubt very much you will have an issue with stuff rolling off the top like it tends to do with plastic pads.      



By now some of you are probably going "OMG GROSS". I don't want to be that up close and personal with my period.  But the truth is you aren't getting any more personal and things are going to be maybe a little less messy.  Not to mention more cost effective in the long run and better for the world around us.  So if you are up for ladies I recommend going the reusable route.  Save some cash and space in the landfill.

An Abortion Story

"I saw the picture of our baby on the screen and then we killed it.  I killed my family.  A part of me and her died.  My family died.  I cannot stop seeing that picture in my head."

Those are pretty powerful words and reduced me to tears when I heard him tell us the story.  He told us how 2 years ago he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and he finally felt safe and felt like he belonged.  They told each other how it wasn't going to matter how hard it would be, they could do and they would.   They would start their family together.  They were young, just out of high school.  They eagerly told their parents the news.  

"I'll kick you out if you have this baby."

"We are so disappointed in you"

"You can't do this"

"Get rid of it"

"We won't support you or this baby"

Now 2 years later he is still with his girlfriend, but cannot love her the same.  He is in the throws of a deep depression because he cannot forgive himself.  No one has supported him and felt sorrow with him for his forced decision.  Everyday he sees that scan of a healthy baby with a heart beat and feels like a murderer.  

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It is interesting to me that when you kill your child after it is born you can be charged with murder.   When you  kill your child in utero, it's just a drop in the bucket and the world goes on without a thought.  To this man how and when it was done has no difference.  The people who discouraged them so badly are assistants to murder if you ask me.  

NOBODY has the right to say the things that were said to them.   NOBODY has the right to suggest the route that was forced upon them.   Yes, they could have chose to keep it and say "to Hell" with them all,but when you are young and you still respect and rely on the advice of your parents that makes you VERY vulnerable and I think that fact was counted on.   Do these people know what they did to this young couple?  Do they care?  Will they take responsibility for causing so much heart ache?  

As I sit here and nurture my own pregnancy, I hurt so bad for these people.  I hope a path to acceptance and recovery can be found. I would hate for the world to lose such person who used to love life so much.  

The "injustice" of Caylee's trial

Everyone appears to be in a total uproar tonite over the acquitted charges of Casey Anthony. She was charged of murdering her daughter with chloroform and covering her face with duct tape.  Then she she was accused of burying her in a shallow grave and did not report her child missing for 31 days.  Those are the biggest things in the case and this is not a post about what she did or didn't do.  It's about our society and what we call justice.

Everyone is calling for Casey's maker to judge her, they are in some kind of disbelief that a mother can do this to her own child.  But I ask WHY are we really in this kind of disbelief?   When was the last time you saw a commercial that cherished motherhood?  When was the last positive conversation you had with a stranger about having children?  How many women are rushing to get married to have a household of kids because that's what they dream of?

Or does this sound more familiar," Your life is over for the next 18 years."  How about,"You have no more freedom?"  "You aren't you anymore, you are a parent."   "Kids are a waste of time."  How many times have you received ugly stares from people when you have a kid who is a little or maybe a lot grumpy?  If you or someone you know has more than one or two children, how often do you hear people make rude remarks about the need to stop having kids?  Maybe you or someone you know has often been harassed  about not being able to "go out" because you are "tied down" with the kids. And then lets not forget how often our women are encouraged to get abortions.

Does that sound like the kind of environment that welcomes motherhood?  When you are a young woman the last thing you need is the world telling you your child is a life altering mistake and you will never be normal again.  You are doomed to be some frumpy, ugly woman with baby spit or food on you day and nite.  A mother is considered irrational and emotional. She is too clingy to her kids etc.  Hell if I believed any of that I'd have my damn uterus cut out and I would consider being a lesbian just to make sure I couldn't have kids!

Women are simply no longer taught how to be mothers by their own mothers.  They are taught to be free and to go to school and be something.  Don't let kids ruin that for you.  We don't open our arms with smiles on our faces to new mothers, we hear," Oh she's too young for that sort of thing."   Or women have put it off for so long that they need help and then they hear, " Poor so and so, can't even get pregnant."  Our society DOES NOT foster healthy, loving relationships with mothers or fathers.  It fosters burden.

If this little girl's mother was the one who killed her, I do not condone it. Each of us knows that killing is wrong.  However, our society gives parents plenty of reasons to go through with such barbaric acts.  When we have a change in our thinking of children and parents, only then will we start seeing lower child abuse numbers, less babies being tossed in the trash, lower abortion rates and of course less children being murdered because their parents have been conditioned to not handle it.

It was not Casey that should have been on trial for the last 6 weeks over the murder of a child.   It is our society that should have been on trial for failing her which resulted in the loss of life.  We must no longer sit silently on this matter or any matter that could possibly result in the death of another human being.  Step up and speak out.  Next time you hear someone bashing motherhood, tell them they killed Caylee.