Finally Turning the Page on this One

Time has felt slow at times at our house, but also time has gone faster than we can believe.  We've missed out on a lot with each other as well as missed out on some things bigger than just us.  It's been a very hard and rewarding 4 years and since early 2009 we have struggled with doing what we thought was the right thing VS what our ultimate wants and needs were in our own home.  Time and kindness have been our enemy and we didn't even know it.  It caused fear and uncertainty many times in our relationship, but we have managed it and moved forward.

I've accepted plenty of positive and negative criticism over the past 4 years.  I have listened and understood all points of views and even found myself agreeing with some of the worst at times.  I've been angry, discouraged, unsure, hopeful, content, frustrated and so much more when faced with my situation.  I've avoided direct talk about it.  Side skirted the actual truth. Sugar coated things and overall did what I could to not only justify what was happening to others but to justify it to myself.

In many ways I am just fine with how things have played out and the decisions that were made.  In many others I feel robbed of time and security.  I've been forced to spend too many nites wondering about the outcome, what would happen to me if something went wrong and a whole host of other thought up nitemares.  Skip too has been plagued with the same feelings and thoughts and I know he has felt the bigger burden.  He's struggled with feelings of inadequacy when it came to us and felt stuck with his old life and doing the right thing by them.  It's been a delicate balance.

But things this year came to head with a tragic incident followed by huge secrets that were put out into the open that made us both feel like utter fools.  Everything we had done and sacrificed for what we thought was the greater good was all a waste.  Skip's kindness and want to do the right thing was returned with disrespect and left him to make serious decisions.  Our life has been affected a great deal by that this year, but it has also finally led to a resolution in things we have waited so long for.  We are still dealing with the many side effects of all of it, but we are managing it.  It's going to take some time to get all the kinks worked out.

All of that said, we can finally turn the last page in this chapter and move on to a happier, more secure one.  One where all that matters is our family.  Where we can focus solely on caring for each other and not carry the weight of dealing with a second family.  We have the chance to move on as a single unit without strings attached and be stronger because of what we have already dealt with.

We could not even begin to feel more relieved than we do at this moment.  We have truly ended that chapter in our lives and are now writing our next that we anticipate to see wonderful outcomes.  To everyone that has supported me and listened to my frustrations, Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.  I could not have done it without you.  For those who have doubted me, ridiculed me and down right judged me to be a bad person, well hate to say it, but I told you so.



I get to be a wife again, and a damn strong one because of this.