Sometimes ironing his shirts isn't enough

Her husband was fired this week over what appears to be a minor and ridiculous infraction.  However when you really start looking at the situation you see that the  minor infraction was just the icing on the cake.  His work performance was waning, he was drinking and his employees were afraid to interact with him.  He was becoming careless and his drive just diminished.

While all this played out before his wife's eyes she did nothing but pester, negatively criticize, put him down and refused to help him become a better man because she felt she was wife enough.  After all she was still ironing his work shirts with her own busy schedule to contend with.  What more could the man have possibly needed?  It was too selfish of him to ask for her support or expect it of her.  Too selfish to ask her to carve out some time to be a wife and show him a loving hand.

He received no words of encouragement when he lost his job.  He heard, "I told you so."  He also heard a wife tell him she wasn't going to support him, pay his bills, cover his health insurance that he nor his child no longer carry.  She told him she was the "bread winner" now and if he had anything to say about it, well he had another thing coming to him.  The only person she was concerned with was herself and pulling herself through.

He must be a horribly abusive jerk right?  He must have beaten her, verbally abused her and held her down.  He must be controlling and have no heart.   I mean that's the ONLY reason a wife would do such a thing.  No, sorry this is no movie playing out a scorned woman's revenge.  He has never lifted a hand to her. Never let her be without.  He has taken care of her through multiple health issues, supported her career decisions and even did right by her children.

But she irons his shirts every week and that should be good enough.  If I could tell this man to pack and run I would.  Run far away from this and don't look back.  You deserve better.

Finally Turning the Page on this One

Time has felt slow at times at our house, but also time has gone faster than we can believe.  We've missed out on a lot with each other as well as missed out on some things bigger than just us.  It's been a very hard and rewarding 4 years and since early 2009 we have struggled with doing what we thought was the right thing VS what our ultimate wants and needs were in our own home.  Time and kindness have been our enemy and we didn't even know it.  It caused fear and uncertainty many times in our relationship, but we have managed it and moved forward.

I've accepted plenty of positive and negative criticism over the past 4 years.  I have listened and understood all points of views and even found myself agreeing with some of the worst at times.  I've been angry, discouraged, unsure, hopeful, content, frustrated and so much more when faced with my situation.  I've avoided direct talk about it.  Side skirted the actual truth. Sugar coated things and overall did what I could to not only justify what was happening to others but to justify it to myself.

In many ways I am just fine with how things have played out and the decisions that were made.  In many others I feel robbed of time and security.  I've been forced to spend too many nites wondering about the outcome, what would happen to me if something went wrong and a whole host of other thought up nitemares.  Skip too has been plagued with the same feelings and thoughts and I know he has felt the bigger burden.  He's struggled with feelings of inadequacy when it came to us and felt stuck with his old life and doing the right thing by them.  It's been a delicate balance.

But things this year came to head with a tragic incident followed by huge secrets that were put out into the open that made us both feel like utter fools.  Everything we had done and sacrificed for what we thought was the greater good was all a waste.  Skip's kindness and want to do the right thing was returned with disrespect and left him to make serious decisions.  Our life has been affected a great deal by that this year, but it has also finally led to a resolution in things we have waited so long for.  We are still dealing with the many side effects of all of it, but we are managing it.  It's going to take some time to get all the kinks worked out.

All of that said, we can finally turn the last page in this chapter and move on to a happier, more secure one.  One where all that matters is our family.  Where we can focus solely on caring for each other and not carry the weight of dealing with a second family.  We have the chance to move on as a single unit without strings attached and be stronger because of what we have already dealt with.

We could not even begin to feel more relieved than we do at this moment.  We have truly ended that chapter in our lives and are now writing our next that we anticipate to see wonderful outcomes.  To everyone that has supported me and listened to my frustrations, Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.  I could not have done it without you.  For those who have doubted me, ridiculed me and down right judged me to be a bad person, well hate to say it, but I told you so.



I get to be a wife again, and a damn strong one because of this.

Being a House Wife

I am using the term house wife in lu of "stay at home mom" because frankly its less PC and being a housewife implies mother as well.  To me anyways.

It's been almost 10 months since an early alarm has gone off and I have been forced to get up and get read to work outside the home.  I haven't had a boss to please or a bi-weekly paycheck.  No set work hours or pressure to get more done.  It's been wonderful.  To think I never thought in a million years it would be something I wanted to do.  Just wow.

Since being home I've learned quite a bit.  I am more creative in the kitchen when it comes to meal planning.  I have time to actually think about it and I am not so tired that I cannot bear the thought of trying something new.  I have learned much more about parenting.  Once you have to deal with your own kid 24 hours a day 7 days a week you gain a whole new respect for raising kids.  You see many more wonders of childhood than you would if you drop them off for daycare 8 hours a day.  I have learned more about Aiden and his needs and not just lumping him in with the general ideals of the way kids behave.  That alone has made me a better parent.

My house is cleaner! I am not too tired to get the little things done.  There is no rushing around on Saturdays and Sundays to get the cleaning done that I don't have time for during the week.  It makes a huge difference and I get more satisfaction from it.

I have more time for little projects like the geckos, crafts, organizing and such.  I've still been able to groom on my own schedule and it has been much more beneficial for me that way as well.

One of my most rewarding things has been my availability to help those in need. Specifically my wonderful neighbor. She underwent a double mastectomy mid summer for cancer prevention as every women in her family has suffered some kind of female reproductive cancer.  I've been able to drive her to and from places.  Helped to get her girls through school events and just be there on her bad days.  I am thankful for the time I have had to give to her.  She is not quite done with this process and still has a few months to go through.

Over all being home is incredibly rewarding and I feel no stigma when I tell someone I stay home.  My job is HUGE compared to what I was doing.  My only pay is the end results to the work I do and that alone is worth more than any hourly wage.  Without Skip I would not have ever had this kind of opportunity to better myself in the ways I have.  He is amazing.

Pregnancy Doesn't Exist in Kansas.....

Well at least that's what I would think if I had to base my belief on the amount of clothing options available here in Kansas.  There is ONE, that's right ONE place that sells maternity here.  Target.  Even that is limited to a lousy 3 racks of stuff that has been picked over.  We have no Motherhood here.  JC Penny, Sears and Dillard's all do not have a maternity section.  I check craigslist everyday for clothing, but it's always smalls and mediums.  WTF Really? Ft Riley yard sales are the same.  We went to Salina yesterday and even the Old Nave there was too small to have a maternity section and their mall didn't have a Motherhood store.

That leaves Topeka.  Even their Motherhood store is barely big enough for a pregnant woman to walk through.  They have a Kohls and a Burlington coat factory as well.  So I have to travel an hour to get any shopping done.  I hate going to Topeka.

I simply cannot believe we live next to an Army post where it's women breed faster than rabbits and there are no clothing options.  I am on the verge of stopping pregnant women and asking where they are doing their shopping.  I cannot stand this.  I fear I will be living in sweats and Tshirts the whole time.  How feminine is that?  I'll look like a fat Army wife who doesn't give a shit about her appearance.  Ya, that's what I want.

sigh

The Sound of an Ultrasound

Just one of MANY reasons we are choosing to forgo ultrasound this pregnancy


Human Pain Tolerance . . . 125 dB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prenatal Ultrasound: 100 - 120 dB
Approaching train . . . 100 - 120 dB
Sandblasting . . . 115 dB
Riveting machine . . . 110 dB
Rock band . . . 108 - 114 dB
Boeing 707 or DC-8 aircraft, 1 nautical mile (6080 ft) before landing . . . 106 dB
Jet flyover at 1000 feet . . . 103 dB
Bell J-2A helicopter at 100 ft . . . 100 dB
Boeing 737 or DC-9 aircraft, 1  nautical mile (6080 ft) before landing . . . 97 dB
Power mower . . . 96 dB
Subway train at 200 ft . . . 95 dB
Motorcycle at 25 ft . . . 90 dB

Walk Me Down the Middle

I was meant to be by your side
And I have waited here a long time
For you to turn around and notice me
But now you're here holding hands with me

Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure that she sees
Let the whole world know you belong to me

I heard about your bitter end
About how she stole your heart and put it back again
Well I may not be the prettiest girl around
But I sure am a sight for sore, sore eyes
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_band_perry/walk_me_down_the_middle.html ]
Walk me down the middle of Main Street
Walk me down where the whole town will be
I don't need no parade
But make sure that she sees
Let the whole word know you belong to me

I'd walk through fire for you
Walk through barbed wire for you
I'd walk for miles, it's true
Just to be with you

If you walk me down the middle of my momma's church
Walk me down that aisle in your finest shirt
Let the whole world know you will
Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure they see
Let the whole world know you belong to me
You belong to me

-The Band Perry

Wrong Number Anybody?

Come January I will have had my current phone number for 10 years.  The first 6 months to a year I received a multitude of debt collectors calling for James Cunningham to inform him that his business, land and home were being foreclosed on.  To this day in the Springs his name still pops up at places like King Soopers or Safeway when I use the shoppers card even though I have changed it many times.  Between then and now, I like everyone else has received the occasional wrong number.  No big now.

The past 60 days however I am getting 3-5 wrong number EVERY WEEK! I have received 3 calls from child protective services of El Paso County.  One of those being from the child abuse hot line.  I have gotten calls from lawyers, business, medical offices and other places from inside the court system with no direct call number, just the outgoing operator number that everyone has to call.  I am getting calls from auto dialers saying I have visited a web site and my number was used.  All of these numbers are coming from Colorado Springs.

I have called everyone back and no one can seem to tell me why they are calling my number or how they got it.  The only thing that correlates with this time frame is the fact that my ex has been being garnished for the past 2 1/2 months for child support finally.  Since most of the calls have been government related I have been thinking someone is trying to pull some crap, but over and over no one knows why I am being called.

Almost 10 years with one number.  This is unreal.



EDIT:   I was able to get in touch with child services and come to find out my number was listed as the contact for another social worker in the department.  SO the whole courthouse has my number listed.  This explains a lot.  She is working on getting it corrected.