We are fairly anti doctor/hospital/medication in my house. We know emergencies happen and it's a great thing to have a medical facility to help out(like the flu/reflux attack I had the other week), but 99% of the time we prefer to wait out an illness or treat it at home. Skip has been treated by military doctors his whole life. Any of us that have had the pleasure of dealing with that know good and well it's not exactly an awesome experience. I have spent a good part of my adult life without health insurance and seen the difference in treatment when you don't have any means to pay for care.
The health system can very difficult to navigate and more often then not I personally have been treated like an object and not a human. That was really the first reason we opted to not deal with doctors or hospitals with this pregnancy. I don't want to be part of an assembly line baby making production here. I've never had a doctor introduce themselves and then tell me about who they are, where they grew up. their beliefs or what made them choose medicine. NEVER. They essentially remain a stranger that has permission to touch you all over once or twice a year. They are the only people that get to do that without knowing much more than your birthday from your medical chart.
My midwife on the other hand has told us her story of how she got into her field. What drives her. Her personal beliefs and values. We know about her family, her marriage and a lot of times about the things she is doing currently or scheduled in the future. She respects my body as my personal temple and doesn't see me as an object to treat. She speaks to my husband and includes Aiden in all our visits. She will ask about testing and explain the pros and cons. She lets us make the decision with making us feel guilty or worried that we made the wrong choice. She trusts that I am telling her the truth and never speaks down to me or tells me that I am wrong. All of her solutions to things are natural. Things that can be found in nature that won't harm my body or that of my baby. I feel safe and in control while in her care. She does NOTHING without asking first and making sure I am ready. She has not given me a single vaginal exam and chances are I will give birth without ever having one. It's my personal space and no one needs to be violating that.
I am so very thankful I will not have a doctor attending me and treating my body like it is dysfunctional. I will not have a bunch of nurses telling me I am wrong and I can't possibly know what I am feeling and only they can make the calls on what happens next. I will not be paying someone this time to imprison me and take away my choices and rights because they think they know more than me.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Teaching Our Children
When was the last time you spanked or slapped a co-worker for screwing something up at work? How about the last time you hit your spouse for not doing the dishes or laundry right? Did you yell at your neighbor last time they didn't mow their lawn on time? Hey, maybe you even stood your mother in a corner for an unreasonable about of time for forgetting the cheese on her grocery trip.
Why don't we do any of these things to adults? Simple, it would be considered assault or some kind of abuse. You would go to jail, even though these people are old enough to fight back and protect themselves. Yet every single day a child is subjected to one or more of these forms of "punishment" because somewhere it was made to be Ok. It's ok to physically harm little people who have no voice yet in the world for doing something wrong.
I grew up on the receiving end of physical punishment. As a child things always seem much bigger and worse than maybe they are or perhaps the perception is right on target. I learned nothing but FEAR and VIOLENCE from these punishments. I was affected long into adulthood and to this day there are still things that make me flinch, get edgy and uncomfortable. I will have a life long battle remaining calm in the presence of situations I endured growing up with.
We have had a rough couple of years with Aiden. Understanding what makes him tick, what he is capable of sorting out himself and what he needs help to reason with. During that time there has been spankings. There has been yelling and there has been long time outs. With every single punishment we felt guilty and we felt we had failed him by not understanding or teaching him what was expected. Instead he got punished and the behavior we were trying to fix did not change. So we had a talk about it. We sorted out why we were feeling bad after an episode and discovered our failures and ultimately the damage that was going to be done by looking back to our childhoods and remembering our own small feelings.
We want Aiden to do the right things not because he fears punishment, but because he has learned that doing the right things are moral. He needs to know right from wrong, not pain VS no pain. We he grows up and learns to drive I want him to do the speed limit not because he fears getting a speeding ticket, but because he knows excessive speed can kill or harm himself or others.
The way we handle Aiden now and the way he interacts with us when he does something wrong has changed dramatically. We understand he is not an adult and it is out job to show and be an example of what adults are. He is more willing to reason with us and understand why his choices are wrong based on learning, not on fear and punishment. We cannot expect our children to become adults when we are not giving them the opportunity to act and learn like one. Hitting them, yelling at them and putting them away in a dark corner will not teach them how to make better choices. You have to guide them there with patient hands and understanding.
Someday your children will be adults, how do you want them to interact with the world? Do you want them to fear repercussions from doing the wrong thing? Or do you want them to know what right is and not have fear of doing the wrong things to make their lives a success?
Why don't we do any of these things to adults? Simple, it would be considered assault or some kind of abuse. You would go to jail, even though these people are old enough to fight back and protect themselves. Yet every single day a child is subjected to one or more of these forms of "punishment" because somewhere it was made to be Ok. It's ok to physically harm little people who have no voice yet in the world for doing something wrong.
I grew up on the receiving end of physical punishment. As a child things always seem much bigger and worse than maybe they are or perhaps the perception is right on target. I learned nothing but FEAR and VIOLENCE from these punishments. I was affected long into adulthood and to this day there are still things that make me flinch, get edgy and uncomfortable. I will have a life long battle remaining calm in the presence of situations I endured growing up with.
We have had a rough couple of years with Aiden. Understanding what makes him tick, what he is capable of sorting out himself and what he needs help to reason with. During that time there has been spankings. There has been yelling and there has been long time outs. With every single punishment we felt guilty and we felt we had failed him by not understanding or teaching him what was expected. Instead he got punished and the behavior we were trying to fix did not change. So we had a talk about it. We sorted out why we were feeling bad after an episode and discovered our failures and ultimately the damage that was going to be done by looking back to our childhoods and remembering our own small feelings.
We want Aiden to do the right things not because he fears punishment, but because he has learned that doing the right things are moral. He needs to know right from wrong, not pain VS no pain. We he grows up and learns to drive I want him to do the speed limit not because he fears getting a speeding ticket, but because he knows excessive speed can kill or harm himself or others.
The way we handle Aiden now and the way he interacts with us when he does something wrong has changed dramatically. We understand he is not an adult and it is out job to show and be an example of what adults are. He is more willing to reason with us and understand why his choices are wrong based on learning, not on fear and punishment. We cannot expect our children to become adults when we are not giving them the opportunity to act and learn like one. Hitting them, yelling at them and putting them away in a dark corner will not teach them how to make better choices. You have to guide them there with patient hands and understanding.
Someday your children will be adults, how do you want them to interact with the world? Do you want them to fear repercussions from doing the wrong thing? Or do you want them to know what right is and not have fear of doing the wrong things to make their lives a success?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sometimes ironing his shirts isn't enough
Her husband was fired this week over what appears to be a minor and ridiculous infraction. However when you really start looking at the situation you see that the minor infraction was just the icing on the cake. His work performance was waning, he was drinking and his employees were afraid to interact with him. He was becoming careless and his drive just diminished.
While all this played out before his wife's eyes she did nothing but pester, negatively criticize, put him down and refused to help him become a better man because she felt she was wife enough. After all she was still ironing his work shirts with her own busy schedule to contend with. What more could the man have possibly needed? It was too selfish of him to ask for her support or expect it of her. Too selfish to ask her to carve out some time to be a wife and show him a loving hand.
He received no words of encouragement when he lost his job. He heard, "I told you so." He also heard a wife tell him she wasn't going to support him, pay his bills, cover his health insurance that he nor his child no longer carry. She told him she was the "bread winner" now and if he had anything to say about it, well he had another thing coming to him. The only person she was concerned with was herself and pulling herself through.
He must be a horribly abusive jerk right? He must have beaten her, verbally abused her and held her down. He must be controlling and have no heart. I mean that's the ONLY reason a wife would do such a thing. No, sorry this is no movie playing out a scorned woman's revenge. He has never lifted a hand to her. Never let her be without. He has taken care of her through multiple health issues, supported her career decisions and even did right by her children.
But she irons his shirts every week and that should be good enough. If I could tell this man to pack and run I would. Run far away from this and don't look back. You deserve better.
While all this played out before his wife's eyes she did nothing but pester, negatively criticize, put him down and refused to help him become a better man because she felt she was wife enough. After all she was still ironing his work shirts with her own busy schedule to contend with. What more could the man have possibly needed? It was too selfish of him to ask for her support or expect it of her. Too selfish to ask her to carve out some time to be a wife and show him a loving hand.
He received no words of encouragement when he lost his job. He heard, "I told you so." He also heard a wife tell him she wasn't going to support him, pay his bills, cover his health insurance that he nor his child no longer carry. She told him she was the "bread winner" now and if he had anything to say about it, well he had another thing coming to him. The only person she was concerned with was herself and pulling herself through.
He must be a horribly abusive jerk right? He must have beaten her, verbally abused her and held her down. He must be controlling and have no heart. I mean that's the ONLY reason a wife would do such a thing. No, sorry this is no movie playing out a scorned woman's revenge. He has never lifted a hand to her. Never let her be without. He has taken care of her through multiple health issues, supported her career decisions and even did right by her children.
But she irons his shirts every week and that should be good enough. If I could tell this man to pack and run I would. Run far away from this and don't look back. You deserve better.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Finally Turning the Page on this One
Time has felt slow at times at our house, but also time has gone faster than we can believe. We've missed out on a lot with each other as well as missed out on some things bigger than just us. It's been a very hard and rewarding 4 years and since early 2009 we have struggled with doing what we thought was the right thing VS what our ultimate wants and needs were in our own home. Time and kindness have been our enemy and we didn't even know it. It caused fear and uncertainty many times in our relationship, but we have managed it and moved forward.
I've accepted plenty of positive and negative criticism over the past 4 years. I have listened and understood all points of views and even found myself agreeing with some of the worst at times. I've been angry, discouraged, unsure, hopeful, content, frustrated and so much more when faced with my situation. I've avoided direct talk about it. Side skirted the actual truth. Sugar coated things and overall did what I could to not only justify what was happening to others but to justify it to myself.
In many ways I am just fine with how things have played out and the decisions that were made. In many others I feel robbed of time and security. I've been forced to spend too many nites wondering about the outcome, what would happen to me if something went wrong and a whole host of other thought up nitemares. Skip too has been plagued with the same feelings and thoughts and I know he has felt the bigger burden. He's struggled with feelings of inadequacy when it came to us and felt stuck with his old life and doing the right thing by them. It's been a delicate balance.
But things this year came to head with a tragic incident followed by huge secrets that were put out into the open that made us both feel like utter fools. Everything we had done and sacrificed for what we thought was the greater good was all a waste. Skip's kindness and want to do the right thing was returned with disrespect and left him to make serious decisions. Our life has been affected a great deal by that this year, but it has also finally led to a resolution in things we have waited so long for. We are still dealing with the many side effects of all of it, but we are managing it. It's going to take some time to get all the kinks worked out.
All of that said, we can finally turn the last page in this chapter and move on to a happier, more secure one. One where all that matters is our family. Where we can focus solely on caring for each other and not carry the weight of dealing with a second family. We have the chance to move on as a single unit without strings attached and be stronger because of what we have already dealt with.
We could not even begin to feel more relieved than we do at this moment. We have truly ended that chapter in our lives and are now writing our next that we anticipate to see wonderful outcomes. To everyone that has supported me and listened to my frustrations, Thank-you from the bottom of my heart. I could not have done it without you. For those who have doubted me, ridiculed me and down right judged me to be a bad person, well hate to say it, but I told you so.
I get to be a wife again, and a damn strong one because of this.
I've accepted plenty of positive and negative criticism over the past 4 years. I have listened and understood all points of views and even found myself agreeing with some of the worst at times. I've been angry, discouraged, unsure, hopeful, content, frustrated and so much more when faced with my situation. I've avoided direct talk about it. Side skirted the actual truth. Sugar coated things and overall did what I could to not only justify what was happening to others but to justify it to myself.
In many ways I am just fine with how things have played out and the decisions that were made. In many others I feel robbed of time and security. I've been forced to spend too many nites wondering about the outcome, what would happen to me if something went wrong and a whole host of other thought up nitemares. Skip too has been plagued with the same feelings and thoughts and I know he has felt the bigger burden. He's struggled with feelings of inadequacy when it came to us and felt stuck with his old life and doing the right thing by them. It's been a delicate balance.
But things this year came to head with a tragic incident followed by huge secrets that were put out into the open that made us both feel like utter fools. Everything we had done and sacrificed for what we thought was the greater good was all a waste. Skip's kindness and want to do the right thing was returned with disrespect and left him to make serious decisions. Our life has been affected a great deal by that this year, but it has also finally led to a resolution in things we have waited so long for. We are still dealing with the many side effects of all of it, but we are managing it. It's going to take some time to get all the kinks worked out.
All of that said, we can finally turn the last page in this chapter and move on to a happier, more secure one. One where all that matters is our family. Where we can focus solely on caring for each other and not carry the weight of dealing with a second family. We have the chance to move on as a single unit without strings attached and be stronger because of what we have already dealt with.
We could not even begin to feel more relieved than we do at this moment. We have truly ended that chapter in our lives and are now writing our next that we anticipate to see wonderful outcomes. To everyone that has supported me and listened to my frustrations, Thank-you from the bottom of my heart. I could not have done it without you. For those who have doubted me, ridiculed me and down right judged me to be a bad person, well hate to say it, but I told you so.
I get to be a wife again, and a damn strong one because of this.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Being a House Wife
I am using the term house wife in lu of "stay at home mom" because frankly its less PC and being a housewife implies mother as well. To me anyways.
It's been almost 10 months since an early alarm has gone off and I have been forced to get up and get read to work outside the home. I haven't had a boss to please or a bi-weekly paycheck. No set work hours or pressure to get more done. It's been wonderful. To think I never thought in a million years it would be something I wanted to do. Just wow.
Since being home I've learned quite a bit. I am more creative in the kitchen when it comes to meal planning. I have time to actually think about it and I am not so tired that I cannot bear the thought of trying something new. I have learned much more about parenting. Once you have to deal with your own kid 24 hours a day 7 days a week you gain a whole new respect for raising kids. You see many more wonders of childhood than you would if you drop them off for daycare 8 hours a day. I have learned more about Aiden and his needs and not just lumping him in with the general ideals of the way kids behave. That alone has made me a better parent.
My house is cleaner! I am not too tired to get the little things done. There is no rushing around on Saturdays and Sundays to get the cleaning done that I don't have time for during the week. It makes a huge difference and I get more satisfaction from it.
I have more time for little projects like the geckos, crafts, organizing and such. I've still been able to groom on my own schedule and it has been much more beneficial for me that way as well.
One of my most rewarding things has been my availability to help those in need. Specifically my wonderful neighbor. She underwent a double mastectomy mid summer for cancer prevention as every women in her family has suffered some kind of female reproductive cancer. I've been able to drive her to and from places. Helped to get her girls through school events and just be there on her bad days. I am thankful for the time I have had to give to her. She is not quite done with this process and still has a few months to go through.
Over all being home is incredibly rewarding and I feel no stigma when I tell someone I stay home. My job is HUGE compared to what I was doing. My only pay is the end results to the work I do and that alone is worth more than any hourly wage. Without Skip I would not have ever had this kind of opportunity to better myself in the ways I have. He is amazing.
It's been almost 10 months since an early alarm has gone off and I have been forced to get up and get read to work outside the home. I haven't had a boss to please or a bi-weekly paycheck. No set work hours or pressure to get more done. It's been wonderful. To think I never thought in a million years it would be something I wanted to do. Just wow.
Since being home I've learned quite a bit. I am more creative in the kitchen when it comes to meal planning. I have time to actually think about it and I am not so tired that I cannot bear the thought of trying something new. I have learned much more about parenting. Once you have to deal with your own kid 24 hours a day 7 days a week you gain a whole new respect for raising kids. You see many more wonders of childhood than you would if you drop them off for daycare 8 hours a day. I have learned more about Aiden and his needs and not just lumping him in with the general ideals of the way kids behave. That alone has made me a better parent.
My house is cleaner! I am not too tired to get the little things done. There is no rushing around on Saturdays and Sundays to get the cleaning done that I don't have time for during the week. It makes a huge difference and I get more satisfaction from it.
I have more time for little projects like the geckos, crafts, organizing and such. I've still been able to groom on my own schedule and it has been much more beneficial for me that way as well.
One of my most rewarding things has been my availability to help those in need. Specifically my wonderful neighbor. She underwent a double mastectomy mid summer for cancer prevention as every women in her family has suffered some kind of female reproductive cancer. I've been able to drive her to and from places. Helped to get her girls through school events and just be there on her bad days. I am thankful for the time I have had to give to her. She is not quite done with this process and still has a few months to go through.
Over all being home is incredibly rewarding and I feel no stigma when I tell someone I stay home. My job is HUGE compared to what I was doing. My only pay is the end results to the work I do and that alone is worth more than any hourly wage. Without Skip I would not have ever had this kind of opportunity to better myself in the ways I have. He is amazing.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Pregnancy Doesn't Exist in Kansas.....
Well at least that's what I would think if I had to base my belief on the amount of clothing options available here in Kansas. There is ONE, that's right ONE place that sells maternity here. Target. Even that is limited to a lousy 3 racks of stuff that has been picked over. We have no Motherhood here. JC Penny, Sears and Dillard's all do not have a maternity section. I check craigslist everyday for clothing, but it's always smalls and mediums. WTF Really? Ft Riley yard sales are the same. We went to Salina yesterday and even the Old Nave there was too small to have a maternity section and their mall didn't have a Motherhood store.
That leaves Topeka. Even their Motherhood store is barely big enough for a pregnant woman to walk through. They have a Kohls and a Burlington coat factory as well. So I have to travel an hour to get any shopping done. I hate going to Topeka.
I simply cannot believe we live next to an Army post where it's women breed faster than rabbits and there are no clothing options. I am on the verge of stopping pregnant women and asking where they are doing their shopping. I cannot stand this. I fear I will be living in sweats and Tshirts the whole time. How feminine is that? I'll look like a fat Army wife who doesn't give a shit about her appearance. Ya, that's what I want.
sigh
That leaves Topeka. Even their Motherhood store is barely big enough for a pregnant woman to walk through. They have a Kohls and a Burlington coat factory as well. So I have to travel an hour to get any shopping done. I hate going to Topeka.
I simply cannot believe we live next to an Army post where it's women breed faster than rabbits and there are no clothing options. I am on the verge of stopping pregnant women and asking where they are doing their shopping. I cannot stand this. I fear I will be living in sweats and Tshirts the whole time. How feminine is that? I'll look like a fat Army wife who doesn't give a shit about her appearance. Ya, that's what I want.
sigh
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The Sound of an Ultrasound
Just one of MANY reasons we are choosing to forgo ultrasound this pregnancy
Human Pain Tolerance . . . 125 dB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prenatal Ultrasound: 100 - 120 dB
Approaching train . . . 100 - 120 dB
Sandblasting . . . 115 dB
Riveting machine . . . 110 dB
Rock band . . . 108 - 114 dB
Boeing 707 or DC-8 aircraft, 1 nautical mile (6080 ft) before landing . . . 106 dB
Jet flyover at 1000 feet . . . 103 dB
Bell J-2A helicopter at 100 ft . . . 100 dB
Boeing 737 or DC-9 aircraft, 1 nautical mile (6080 ft) before landing . . . 97 dB
Power mower . . . 96 dB
Subway train at 200 ft . . . 95 dB
Motorcycle at 25 ft . . . 90 dB
Human Pain Tolerance . . . 125 dB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prenatal Ultrasound: 100 - 120 dB
Approaching train . . . 100 - 120 dB
Sandblasting . . . 115 dB
Riveting machine . . . 110 dB
Rock band . . . 108 - 114 dB
Boeing 707 or DC-8 aircraft, 1 nautical mile (6080 ft) before landing . . . 106 dB
Jet flyover at 1000 feet . . . 103 dB
Bell J-2A helicopter at 100 ft . . . 100 dB
Boeing 737 or DC-9 aircraft, 1 nautical mile (6080 ft) before landing . . . 97 dB
Power mower . . . 96 dB
Subway train at 200 ft . . . 95 dB
Motorcycle at 25 ft . . . 90 dB
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