Postpartum Depression

I want to write today about PPD in light of the California woman who threw her baby over the side of a parking garage and killed it.  Her husband has spoken very strong words supporting this and is encouraging women to get help.  There are many people that will say the baby was 7 months old and there is no way she could have still had the baby blues.  The baby "blues" and PPD are very different things.  PPD can last many many months. This is a great overview of PPD.

I suffered for nearly a year after Aiden was born and to be honest maybe even longer as it took me near 3 years to feel an actual bond to my child.  It was very easy for me to just leave him with someone else and not care as much as I should have.  I cannot count how many times I wanted myself and him dead.  I cannot tell you how many times I thought about giving him up.  I suffered extreme anxiety attacks.  Being in public was a nightmare for me.  I could wake up fine and within a few hours be thinking about life without Aiden.  I lost my milk when he was 3 months old.  To this day I cannot part with my breast pump because of what this did to me.  The thought of getting rid of it panics me and I feel less of a mother because of it.

The California women had a disabled baby and there could very well be a chance what she did was not in her complete control.  A less than perfect baby can really compound the issue.  I hope she can get the help she needs.  I still have days that I wonder how on earth my son and I made it through with our lives. Postpartum depression is serious and cannot be ignored or handled lightly.  It kills.