Beliefs

With my recent loss it is only natural to see people around me look to their beliefs for an "answer".  I like to see how one's beliefs plays such a large role in their life.  It's like second nature to just find and grab it and look for that "answer" that always seems to elude us when events stricken with grief arise.  They pray for answers and for fast recoveries.  I like prayer from other people.  It's usually a deeply personal thing as they have a deep relationship with "God" and it makes me feel special knowing that they would ask their Creator to send assistance my way.

So it never fails that someone asks or reaches out to me about what I believe and when I give them a blank look they think "Oh, she's a non believer."  I think they end up praying even harder at that point.  The truth is I don't believe in "God".  I haven't for a few years now. I was saved when I was 16 or 17 by a close family friend at a time when I was questioning my own life and whether or not it was worth living. Did it change how I was feeling at the time, no it did not.  I went on with my then miserable life.  I found "God" again when I was with Thomas because I was convinced that he was full of evil and needed to be saved.  I tried to save him for 5 or 6 years.  Of course I ended up leaving and moving on with life.  I never got an answer or a sign from "Him".  I asked and asked for help for direction and never did anything come to me.  So I picked up what was left of myself and started thinking different.

I like facts.  I like evidence.  I like things that are tangible.  One could argue that "God" is tangible based on everything around us.  Based on life's beauty.  I've hiked many miles, stopped to breath mountain air and to smell the flowers.  I've never felt anything but nature at work in those things.  I've never had some spiritual revelation in those things, only a deep love for Mother Nature.  She brings life and takes it.  She is full of wondrous colors and sights that overwhelm the senses.  She is complicated beyond comprehension sometimes. Much of what I believe is based on Her laws. The laws of nature.

However, I don't believe she is alone in making our world.  There is no way a human is born only to nature.  We are far too complex to simply exist as another species of animal on this planet.  We have emotions. We love and hate.  We feel sadness for ourselves and for others at times of great need.  We make deep emotional attachments.  We don't act out of animal instinct.  We act with rulings of our hearts.  Of our souls.  It's those things that make us look to something higher for reason.  We do that instinctively. The one thing we do without second thought in most cases is look to some spiritual being to guide us.  We ask for answers and understanding from something we can't see.  We just trust it's there.  Even those who claim we turn into worm dirt at death say things that would say their beliefs are not what they actually think.  Are things that happen a plan, are they meant to be?  Are we all given different paths during our life that we must make the best of and wait for an unknown outcome?  Are we aware of what's happening?

I don't believe any one person or group is solely right about what went into making us.  I think the stories of bibles and other religious books are just that, stories.  But they are stories to help everyone lead a better life.  They are stories to teach lessons and they are stories that explained life before science found an answer.  They show us in writing the morals that are already instilled in our souls.  They are reminders of how to live honest and humble.  You can see this in all types of religions and beliefs.  I believe that in a way everyone is showing respect to the same Creator, only everyone has a different name for Him.  Nobody is right and nobody is wrong when they choose to identify themselves with a certain group providing it is making them a better person and they are not causing harm onto others, as I cannot believe anyone who gave a helping hand to Mother Nature would want to see us destroy others that are a part of it.

I don't know what happens to our souls when our bodies burn out and die, when they are killed in accidents or when they are murdered in cold blood and war.  I do believe our souls ask us to lead good, honest lives while they occupy our bodies.  We must nurture and care for them as well as nurture and care for the souls around us.   I believe the Creator and Mother Nature have a working relationship and they help guide us on paths that somehow always seem to be entangled with someone else who has need.  Sometimes answers from "above" never seem to come.  If we look a bit harder though, Nature can usually provide us with what we are looking for. She can't give us the spiritual support we need, but our closest friends and family all have a little of the Creator in them. That is where the real healing power comes from, that's the tangible answer.