Who comes first

I have a lot of free time to think. Clearly. It's about all I do anymore.  Over the past 3 years I have made some serious changes and quite a few in the way I think just over the past 6 months.  But there is one thing I still always think on and remind people who are having problems to also think on and that's " Who comes first".

My pecking order is this.

1)  ME

2) ME and Skip

3)  Aiden.

Yes me, that's who comes first.  Shocking that I don't just throw my kid at the top of the whole thing right?  More shocking still that he doesn't even make it into second place. Yea, I must be a terrible person.

If I didn't take care of me first first how am I supposed to take care of anyone? How can I ensure my family's happiness if I am not even happy or cared for myself?  I can't  It's all a ripple side effect and it all starts at the center, me.  Now I am not talking about making sure I would be fed first in times of famine or that I would throw  my kid into a speeding car to save myself here.  If I need to put Aiden to bed early cause I need to relax to get my mind on track, I am gonna do it.  If Aiden needs to stay an extra hour at daycare cause I just want to shop in peace, damn I am gonna do it.  If Aiden wants a new toy, but I would really benefit from new shoes, I am getting the shoes.

Skip and me are also important because our relationship is what Aiden has to grow up seeing.  He will learn from us and learn love from us.  If I don't care for that, what will he learn?  I must put the maintenance of that before a lot of other things.  He may hate that he goes to bed at 8 every day including weekends.  He may get mad when I still give him a bed time during the summer, but tough.  I have to find that private time to keep our fire burning or my house will go cold.  If we do something as a family you can bet your behind there will be some element that is adult orientated so that Skip and I both will gain for it.  I am not going to put us through something that we get nothing out of.  Sorry folks I am not flushing my hard worked for relationship just because the kids are around.

And then there is Aiden. He will always be fed, clothes and housed.  He will get all I can offer and more just by being last.  I realize that sounds horribly bad, but look at the stability he would gain.  And really not just him, but any future kids.  I don't ever want to be that person who's complete identity is my kids and I know nothing else.  I will suffer, Skip will suffer and my kids will suffer.  Ya all those fun extra activities are great, but when they get to the point  I am so tired that I cannot maintain me or my relationship, sorry guys we are quitting gymnastics or whatever it is.

And it should be remembered that before there were kids there was a relationship.  And before there was that  relationship there was YOU.  Do a favor and take care of you, your relationship and your kids, in that order.