Before I really start digging in I will give you a small disclaimer. I am VERY pro gender role. I want boys to do and play with boy things and girls to do and play with girl things. I believe that kids will go to gender specific things because nature leads them there. This is what keeps them from getting confused as adults. They need to feel at peace with themselves or they are gonna end up like I did for a long time. Totally freaking miserable.
“Yordana, what do you think of this?” My five year-old boy inquires of his big sister as he proudly displays the Barbie he just clothed in a pink mini-dress.
He spent the last fifteen minutes carefully pulling her stiff skinny plastic arms through the tiny arm-holes of this racy garment. (Talk about dexterity!)
“Do you think she looks better with this one or the other? I think this is really pretty and fits her well here.” He concludes signaling to Barbie’s tiny waist.
We were all lounging lethargically on the couch after binging on a delicious barbeque feast. It didn't matter one iota to my son that all the adults instantly cracked up laughing. He was oblivious to external stimuli and totally immersed in his imaginary world.
This is how it starts. There are a couple serious things just from the intro alone that bother me. 1) As she puts it the "racy garment" Barbie didn't have racy clothing when I was growing up and if she did my mom sure as heck didn't let me own any of it! My Barbies were pretty modestly dressed. I think this kept me from ever idolizing her and expecting an unhealthy body image.
And 2) The laughing adults. If this had been a little girl asking her big sister what looked better no one would have laughed. But it's a boy and he is clearly being made fun of. Period. These people know a little boy should be pulling her head off or drowning her in a mud puddle out back.
She then goes on with the rest of the article explaining why this is OK in her mind. I think most her reasons are all wrong. As I have said before, I know if a boy has a sister he's probably going to play with her Barbie at some point. It just shouldn't be encouraged for the following reasons.
1. STIMULATING CREATIVITY: When my son enters into the magical world of Barbies, their male counterparts, their pets, babies, houses, and accessories, he is exploring the depths of his own imagination. He creates real-life social scenarios mimicking much from his personal life experiences. He is capable of lingering in this fantasy for hours on end- only to come “up for air” to use the bathroom--if urgent.
I get this. I really do. BUT doesn't he own a GI Joe? A tank? Matchbox? He is sitting there for HOURS on end being a girl. Playing house, caring for Barbie's babies. If he is playing with BARBIE, please tell me how this is going to be a REAL life situation?? She has a plastic vagina, not a penis. This is not teaching him to react to a real life situation. I don't think he is playing, "take Ken to court for child support, hope he has a good lawyer, cause that baby don't look like his"
2. DEVELOPING DIPLOMACY: In order to be granted “permission” into the “protected Barbie arena,” he’s got to negotiate, plead, promise, bargain and barter with his two Barbie-fanatic older sisters who, by nature, prefer not to include him in their Barbie role-playing. Once allowed entry into their Barbie-haven, he must patiently and submissively abide by every one of their “rules” lest he commit an infraction and immediately get thrown out of their territory.
This on chapped my ass the hardest. PLEAD, PROMISE, BARGAIN, BARTER. Yes, please teach him to be meek and that women are the know all to the universe. This way when he grows up he gets married to a feminist who is gonna stomp all over him, have his children, leave and then demand money for something you can't see because you aren't man enough to be a dad. Remember, he was't actually playing out any life lessons.
3. CHARACTER BALANCE: My son possesses such an overabundance of testosterone demonstrated by his passion for sports, martial arts, trucks, motorcycles and action-heroes. It is truly a relief to watch his more sensitive, softer side evolve. Through such play, he is rounding out his personality and character for which many girlfriends down the road will be grateful!
No, she will not be grateful. She will bitch that he is too beta and then she will screw the neighbor because he has more game than your son. And um...why would you want your son to have MANY girlfriends?? Guys fall harder and faster for women. They love deeper and longer. I would not have Aiden trade any of his boy exuberance just because it's driving me nuts. Nor would I tell Skip to turn his testosterone down.
4. CONCENTRATION AND DISCIPLINE: In the past, I couldn’t get my son to sit still through a meal--even when starved. Nor could I coax him into finishing a conversation before scurrying off. However, when he delves into his “play performances,” he exhibits discipline, absolute focus and a level of concentration that could only be compared to that of students sitting for standardized entrance exams for grad school. He neglects his hunger, his thirst is abolished and he’s ALL IN. What a wonderful trait to cultivate at such a tender age. It will prove essential to his success as an adult in tomorrow’s even-more-challenging and competitive world!
Is this only something you notice when he is playing Barbies? Or are you CHOOSING to ignore that he may very well be doing the same thing with his trucks and action heroes? Playing Barbies is NOT essential to his success as an adult. I am sure Skip tore heads off his sisters Barbies and maybe even blew one or two up with a fire cracker. He is pretty damn successful and functions better than most in his unit. I will tell you my brother played with Barbies. He is not so much a functioning adult right now.
5. LEARNING THE “ART” OF SELF-EXPRESSION: When he is conjuring up scripts for each of the scenes, he’s trying on real-life attitudes, reactions and defining his own opinions and preferences. He talks aloud incessantly so as his mommy, I am also able to benefit by listening in on his private thoughts and feelings- those that he’d not openly express otherwise.
Self expression is not an "art". It's a communication skill. YOU as a parent should be teaching your child to communicate. Not a damn Mattel doll.
6. GAINING CONFIDENCE: Not once has anyone in the family ever uttered a word about “gender-specific toys/play/games,” social paradigms or societal stigmas. And he’s never had to defend his interest. He’s 100% natural and untainted. We want to encourage him to move through his life hang-up-free and confident with his masculinity. Hopefully with a foundation built from unwavering self-esteem and a little help from our supportive parenting style, he’ll enter into any arena with confidence- be it Wall Street or the Fashion Industry!
No one in the family is uttering a word, but they sure are laughing at him as you mentioned in the FIRST paragraph of your article. And I am sorry I do not know of any man I would have respect for in the fashion industry, Hell, I don't respect any of them for giving our nation an unhealthy body image. Your "supportive" parenting style is feminist propaganda and you are setting your son up for a world of hurt. Period.
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